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Original poster

I've been told to Fuck off / shut up / and get out by H for not wanting sex

265 replies

fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:15

I offered other more simple ' services ' to him, but he kept pushing for more. We hadn't started anything physical.

I said from the beginning, I'm not up for it at all, but happy to focus on his needs and not get too involved.

He kept wanting to do all this stuff ( dress up etc ), but i had already said that I wanted no part of that this evening, but I am happy to make him happy if he would like.

I got told to fuck off and get out. I left, then he later came in to the room where I was to get something and he again told me to leave him alone.

He shouted from where he was that I was a joke.

I am still awake, but half expecting him to come in and have a go at me again. He is in such a huff.

Why does it have to be so hard !

OP posts:
PottyMouthkaka · 18/04/2023 23:32

Why haven't you left him?

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/04/2023 23:35

fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:30

@Thepeopleversuswork I am not happy about it. But part of me feels bad because I haven't ' put out ' regularly for a long time and he is frustrated about it.

You are under no obligation whatsoever to “put out”. Marriage is not an exchange of sexual favours.

He sees you as an object for sexual gratification with no agency of your own and no right to be happy. This is not a good relationship. You can’t be happy or fulfilled with this man and you need to get away from him. It’s really that simple.

Do you have children with him? Do you have anywhere you can go?

BranchGold · 18/04/2023 23:35

I’d leave, truthfully.

I couldn’t tolerate being treated like that in my home by the people who are supposed to love me.

reddwarfgeek · 18/04/2023 23:35

Sorry to read this. That is a terrible way to speak to you. Is he often like this? I wouldn't be wanting to have sex with him again!

I know from experience that when you are in an abusive relationship, you question yourself and make excuses for the other person. There are no excuses here. You deserve better x

BringtheJury · 18/04/2023 23:35

'Put out' ? (Yuck) I don't blame you.

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2023 23:35

I find these threads so frustrating. OP will visit the moon before she leaves him. I'm not sure why people post.

MojoMoon · 18/04/2023 23:42

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2023 23:35

I find these threads so frustrating. OP will visit the moon before she leaves him. I'm not sure why people post.

People reply because even if this poster won't leave (or isn't real), someone reading this might be in a similar situation and think "perhaps this isn't normal and perhaps I can get out of it".

So many women have such low expectations of their men that it might take seeing it several times before it sinks in

NewtonsCradle · 18/04/2023 23:44

The important thing is that you don't have sex with him because if you do he knows that strategy works. He needs to be told that he is never to speak to you like it ever again. He wants sex but shouting and swearing at you is a turn off so let him know. If it he tries it again leave and end the relationship, preferably via text.

lechatnoir · 18/04/2023 23:47

Your 'DP' is an abusive twat and you need to leave (or kick him out). I'm perimenopausal and totally lost my libido so sex in our house is once in a blue moon - my DH doesn't sulk or abuse me or cheat because HES A NORMAL DECENT BLOKE!!!

Original poster
fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:51

lechatnoir · 18/04/2023 23:47

Your 'DP' is an abusive twat and you need to leave (or kick him out). I'm perimenopausal and totally lost my libido so sex in our house is once in a blue moon - my DH doesn't sulk or abuse me or cheat because HES A NORMAL DECENT BLOKE!!!

How often does it happen ? Maybe once a month here.

OP posts:
ComputerWifeKaren · 18/04/2023 23:51

Your body isn’t his to do with as and when he pleases. Please stand up for yourself! You owe him nothing, but you owe yourself a great deal. Listen to what other posters are telling you. What's your current plan? Deferring to this bullshit is not one. You know you're worth more, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. Let this be the spark you need to change your situation. He can fuck himself. As for you, take no more shit. Please realise this is more than enough.

Rosula · 18/04/2023 23:51

Why on earth did you have to be the one to get out just because Mr Childish was annoyed at not getting his rocks off in the way he wanted?

If you're expecting him to come in to try to continue the argument or pressurise you, can you lock the door?

Original poster
fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:52

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2023 23:35

I find these threads so frustrating. OP will visit the moon before she leaves him. I'm not sure why people post.

Sorry. I just don't have anyone to talk to about it.

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 18/04/2023 23:54

fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:52

Sorry. I just don't have anyone to talk to about it.

Show quote history

Why dont you have anyone to talk to in real life?

His behaviour towards you is awful. He is pressuring you to have sex with him by being so awful youll do it to avoid him being like this. It is abuse.

what is he like towards you generally?

lechatnoir · 18/04/2023 23:54

Before I went on HRT it was sometimes 5 even 6 weeks now it's usually once or twice a month but NEVER coerced and no big tantrum if I say I'm not up for it. Seriously op you can do so much better than this Sad

PaigeMatthews · 18/04/2023 23:55

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2023 23:35

I find these threads so frustrating. OP will visit the moon before she leaves him. I'm not sure why people post.

Then dont post on them.

andweallsingalong · 18/04/2023 23:55

If its safe and he is calm I would very calmly tell him that having sex because you are being bullied into it is not only a turn off, but rape. Consent is not consent unless it's enthusiastic consent and no wonder your sex drive is low at the moment, because there is nothing sexy or fulfilling for you about his behaviour.

Or you could just leave. He has shown you who he is and unlikely to change because his awful on so many levels behaviours are based on his beliefs and sense of entitlement. I would be worried it could escolate into forceful rape.

What's your situation and what is the marriage otherwise like?

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 18/04/2023 23:57

fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:30

@Thepeopleversuswork I am not happy about it. But part of me feels bad because I haven't ' put out ' regularly for a long time and he is frustrated about it.

He has two hands to deal with "frustration". He is abusing you. You need to leave him and file for divorce.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 18/04/2023 23:58

fadaaaah · 18/04/2023 23:52

Sorry. I just don't have anyone to talk to about it.

Show quote history

Why? Has he stopped you from seeing your friends as well?

Shanni98 · 18/04/2023 23:58

Fuck that shit. I would never let anyone talk to me like that especially my partner! Get your shit and get out.. or get his shit and throw him the fuck out☕

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 23:58

Why does it have to be so hard !

It doesn't. I kicked my sex pest out and it's been wonderful from the very first night I had a bed to myself.

Eight years later I still have nightmares where I'm still with him.

ejbaxa · 18/04/2023 23:59

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2023 23:35

I find these threads so frustrating. OP will visit the moon before she leaves him. I'm not sure why people post.

I'd imagine that it is not simple leaving him. If she has small children, she may end up only living with them 50% of the time. And taking some of this type of abuse from her h may be preferable to living with her kids only part of the time. She's still allowed to vent on here or get a sense check.

ClairDeLaLune · 18/04/2023 23:59

Do you have kids together OP?

Why don’t you have anyone to talk to, does he control who you see?

Shanni98 · 19/04/2023 00:01

Well even if she does have children why would you want to have them around something so toxic?

Is this a regular thing he does?

SemperIdem · 19/04/2023 00:03

This isn’t ok, you know that or you wouldn’t have posted. Those actions are not those of a loving partner, you know you deserve better.

What is your situation in terms of being able to leave? Do you have children together, any family or friends you can turn to? I know you have said you have nobody but is that there are people but you haven’t felt able to speak to them?