Anxiety about hosting Christmas

[scroogemcfuckaduck]

Me and DH have the biggest house in the family, both MIL and SIL/BIL don't have any spare rooms. By Xmas this year we’ll have 2 DC - one toddler and one newborn. We are also moving house sometime before Xmas, so although it will hopefully be fairly settled, I envisage it’s going to take a long time to sort stuff out as I will be heavily pregnant during the move.

We have hosted Xmas for the last 5 years at our house, most the cooking and cleaning - as well as all the prep / shopping - falls to me and DH with some help with cooking one year when I was breast feeding. I just don’t want to do it again this year and it’s making me really anxious, since having kids I’ve not enjoyed it as just feel absolutely exhausted and torn. I will have a newborn and want to focus on having our first Xmas together as a family, without the pressure of hosting. It’s likely SIL and BIL will be abroad, so just MIL who is not very helpful to be honest, I have to explain how to use any kitchen appliance several times and start over everytime she comes to stay. She does help with DC but mostly playing with her, not anything like food prep, nappies, naps etc. She has never done any cooking. She is single but there are alternative places she can go for Xmas itself, several siblings and lots of friends local to her. I suggested we get together for a night at ours in early December, for an early Xmas meal with the whole family. I have said to DH that I just want a quiet Xmas but he said MIL will not be happy. She lives a few hours away so it’s not poss to travel there and back within a day.

Am I being really selfish here? I just want to enjoy a quiet Xmas with my kids and husband. We both work full time, I’m bloody exhausted, holidays are really precious.

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Absolutely!
And urgh! The posters on the thread supporting that with the 'be kind' 'it's only 1 person' are just vomit worthy.
Yes op, who cares if you're unhappy and can't relax, be kiiinnd, and realise that you just can't have something that you want as there's a hierarchy and yes the MIL could make other plans, but she wants YOU to cater for her! 😐😐

I agree no excuse that their places are smaller; it is just laziness on their part. Op I don't even think you need to have anybody another time either, just say "f* it!" Put yourself first for once, as they blatantly think of their own self every year when they have YOU running around after them.

YANBU

Just say no and stick to it!

Can you all go off to a hotel and have a lovely stress free Christmas if finances permit?

Whatever, depends on the person really. Nonetheless, having 1 extra person still isn't "hosting Christmas".

"Whatever, depends on the person really. Nonetheless, having 1 extra person still isn't "hosting Christmas".

It is if the person sits on their arse the whole time

You say you're moving house....buy a smaller house that way they can't use the "bigger house" argument.
Failing that say you fancy going out for Xmas Dinner this year and book a restaurant and agree to meet rellies there. That way you have all morning to lounge about with kids. Go out for food for 2 hrs tops then return home (don pj's once more) to enjoy your family. Sorted.

No, it's "having X for Christmas" regardless of how they behave. You can't "host Christmas" with only one guest.

@Yerroblemom1923 sadly they live 4 hours away so not an option

I have said to DH that I just want a quiet Xmas but he said MIL will not be happy.

Point out that you will be even less happy and ask him why that doesn't seem to matter to him.

@Careerdilemma we'd end up having to pay for MiL so unfortunately not although this is the ideal!

It’s fine, of course you need Christmas to yourselves this year. Let the family know now so they can arrange for another host. Tell them exactly what you’ve told us, you’ll have a newborn along with the toddler and you know you’ll be exhausted and you want for this year to just have Christmas at home with your children and husband. If they’re decent people, they will totally understand and be supportive.

Other family members can take care of mil for Christmas.

'No, it's "having X for Christmas" regardless of how they behave. You can't "host Christmas" with only one guest.'

Oh really? Who says so?

'If you've invited people over, offered to entertain, or let someone crash on your couch, then you're a host.'

And regardless op isn't the go to. She doesnt need to do it. These relatives are rude when they know the situation with new baby etc.

😂 be kind
Tje in-laws should be kind and host. How daft do you have to be to not realise having a new born is bloody hard work and tiring?

'MysteryBelle · Today 17:57
Other family members can take care of mil for Christmas.'

Yes maybe MIL can go abroad with them, it'll be nice for them to to together and give op a break. Plenty of time for an additional flight etc.

I've suggested an early Xmas with everyone and was thinking of booking a table at local bistro for a late lunch, then back to ours for presents, sherry and mince pies, cheese and an Xmas film. Then simple breakfast laid out night before and guests leave after breakfast. SIL and BIL are quite a bit more helpful than MIL and I enjoy their company a lot more.

Sounds perfect. As long as your DH will support you and not moan about his mum not being invited on Christmas Day then all good. Being pregnant and facing a house move is an excellent excuse to be discussing it early and making plans well in advance.

@MrsCharlesFrere this makes me sad - you really deserve a year off, could you book to go away? It sounds bloody expensive catering for all those people, do they chip in? I think this is going to me if I don't stand up for myself.

Btw if it comes down to it that MIL is by herself then I would say just come but I want her to know it's not my preference this year

@33goingon64 yep I've been trying to undo all of this for last 5 years!

I'm quite surprised how many people refer to their guests as expecting to be waited on hand and foot.. being selfish, expecting too much, taking advantage etc.

If you don't want them there because you don't like them and their shitty attitudes, then don't invite them in the first place?

They don't storm in on and hold you at gun point FFS! 😂

Invite her or don't invite her, but don't allow her to come and spend the whole time communicating that you don't want her there.

@sandyhappypeople if only it was that easy for a lot of people. Everybody has different kinds of relationships, so one size really doesn't fit all. It isn't always easy to stand up to certain parents etc even as adults, and can take years of therapy in some cases.