Holiday accommodation & DD

[PotsAndDishes]

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

I think it would depend on the exact layout and what you are all doing.

Won’t you be out on the terrace, outdoors, in the evenings? If your apartment opens out on to the communal areas in the same way that the house does, and has no doors out on to the street I would be as OK with my child in the apartment as I would in the villa.

Also, you might want to go to bed earlier than Uncle Eric and value peace after 11pm.

I think on hol you have to expect some change in routine, and I would go with 2 year old drops to sleep in the villa and you carry her over later. Mine slept in pushchairs in restaurants til almost 4. We did put sunglasses on them to keep out the light 😂

Your in laws need to reign their necks in ..... it's up to and DH to decide what you are comfortable with regarding YOUR DD. None of their business.

My son is 2.9 years and I'd not do this. Yanbu. Aside from the danger, sometimes DS still wakes, sits up and calls for us. Doesn't happen a lot anymore but I'd want to be close if it did.

I'd probably also be quite happy to have the evenings to myself anyway😅

We had this when we went with friends to a villa & we slept with DS age 1 in a room next door in a different building. We'd pop him to sleep in friends room in small travel cot & literally move him & cot over to our room when we going to bed. He was a sound sleeper but early waker! Our friends DD wud wake at the slightest thing which is why we agreed they sleep main house.

But I'd say don't make a fuss right now & when time comes just do what you need to & others probably won't even notice!

You’re caring too much about what they think. Your child, your rules.

Not really if they’re paying the majority of the cost. And if you go on a big family holiday there obviously has to be negotiation on accommodation allocation.

I just read the OP but oh my god, they expect you to lock her, in, in a strange place?? That's mad. Poor wee thing!
Let them judge you all they like, eff what they think or say to you OP, She's a baby. Your baby.

This villa and apartments building sounds amazing - it would be great if you could share the details if you can.

I think plan for the worst, hope for the best.

It sounds like you can't really assess what you can do until you're there. You might be completely happy with putting your child to bed and then popping back next door with a baby monitor.

Would your preference be that you're in the main villa? The only problem with that is that the entire villa will wake when the first DC gets up - that's not great for anyone.

I don't think I would go on such a holiday set up. Pools with a lot of small chikdren are highly dangerous.

There is no way i would do that with my daughter and she is 4. She wakes up in the night and calls for a wee etc and when she was still in nappies she would call for water, I want to be near for eventualities. I don´t think much of Madeleine scenarios, but the pool gives me the heebie jeebies, such a risk. I know someone whose daughter died in the family pool years ago. Not worth the risk.

Will your DD definitely not just fall asleep after a days swimming in her stroller, or a lounge in the villa? Then just carry her to bed. I've done that heaps of times. Kids get tired on holidays. Just put her in pj's before you head out for dinner.

Surely better for those with small kids to be in the villa as they can go upstairs to bed but there is plenty social space for everyone in the apartments to come and eat and socialise in the evenings?

Accommodation allocation yes obviously it’s a discussion and people can expect to have input. But my in-laws could give me £1m, they’d still get no say or opinion whatsoever on how I chose to keep my toddler safe within the accommodation that’s been agreed.

If the family is a little overbearing I'd happily put the kids down and stay with them and enjoy some chill time deadscrolling on my phone. I think the only way to deal with a family holiday without coming home deranged is to schedule a bit of time away from each other.

No way would I leave a child in another building remind the grandparents of theadeline situation

I really don’t feel like I’ve specifically martyred myself to the cause, but a simple off the cuff remark of “OK, DH & I can share the evenings with DD when she’s in bed” resulted in a huge fuss of why am I’m being precious, I’m ruining the holiday for myself, making a rod for my own back, etc. Even roping in the parents of another DC who stated they will be doing it because they “don’t spoil their kids” 🤨

I’m genuinely happy to go to bed early some days, happy to put DD to sleep in the main area other evenings & carry her across. No skin off anyone else’s nose, right? However it seems like the only outcome which is acceptable to them is making me change my mind and leave her to sleep in the apartment alone every evening, which I’m not willing to do and it appears I’m not hugely unreasonable in thinking this.

I have quite a long fuse but at some point, I am going to have to reply with something along the lines of “look, can you all just SOD OFF”. Because if they don’t go “OK, it’s your choice” at some point, I might be forced to bring some of our Easter chocolate stash, give a little bit to DD every evening and see how much they enjoy having a toddler on a sugar high running round excitedly at 10pm. She’d be delighted to be allowed to stay up late with the big girls & boys.

As my old colleague would say, it’s becoming as annoying as having a cat hanging off your balls.

How would this be improved in the main villa?

I don't get how they aren't seeing it tbh.

Do as you wish op and what you feel is right. (I also wouldn't be leaving them) and like you say some early nights with her will probably save your sanity.

I'd be inclined to say 'I'm doing it this way, nothing is going to ruin my holiday other than peoples nasty opinions, end of discussion'

Op why make life harder for yourself.

Don't argue, get yourself some stock non-committal answers, we'll see how she sleeps when we are there, we'll see what the layout is really like, maybe...

Reality you might be glad of the escape space rather than being in the main house with other LOs.

absoultely not!! madeline mccan!?

even without that in my head i would not want to be in a separate part of the building from a 2 year old, on holiday who may wake up and freak out - and you are so far away to run and "help".

nope. no way

You could at least make the effort to spell her name correctly if you're going to bring this up.

At this point I would just not be going on the holiday. It sounds like it has absolutely nothing going for it.

We are going away in a villa this year, DD is sharing with me even though we have 4 bedrooms and she won’t be locked in anywhere. We will probably sit out on the terrace nearest our room once she is asleep as thats no different to at home in the summer but absolutely no way will she be locked in and as it’s a large villa I want to stay where I can hear her easily.

I absolute wouldn’t leave my child in a separate building. Not a chance.

Not a hope would I love my almost three year old asleep alone in an apartment. Given how opinionated the group you are going away with sounds, a nice glass of wine on my own in the apartment sounds preferable anyway.

Just shut it down, you don’t need to justify yourself and you aren’t even asking them to do anything.

Enjoy your holiday though! Just ignore them.

You seem already pretty wound up. Are you sure you want this holiday?

I'd be worried about there being a fire with them locked in. Plus two is way to young to be left alone all night.