Holiday accommodation & DD

[PotsAndDishes]

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

Just be mindful that if you choose to retire earlier - with your stash of snacks, drinks and a good book - in order to keep an eye on DD, that you don’t become the official babysitter for the parents in the other appts who choose to leave their children ie doing kiddy patrol checks.

No way would I do this. Mine is almost 2 and gets up, wanders around – the time alone it would take to get to him if we needed to make a it a firm no.

He also won’t sleep in a pushchair and would wake if we tried to move him from one bed to another. And would still wake at the crack of dawn (overtired and grumpy) if he stayed up.

It makes so much more sense for the families to have the main villa. The child-free adults who have to share it can stick on some white noise for their lie-in. The kids will be itching to play together before 10am!

On one hand it does make sense for the families to have the main villa, put LOs into bed an chill in the living area

Downside is you risk the LOs waking each other, routines clashing and there is nowhere for the adults to escape the rest of the family.

Is the living area of the villa actually big enough to accommodate the people in the villa AND the 3 apartments?

My younger one is almost 2 but at home I use a monitor when the kids are sleeping and if we go away I make sure that I am within earshot or that at least I can hear the younger one if he is crying loudly.

Op, I wouldn't be happy with this arrangement either. Maybe you could spend the evenings in your apartment (or just outside it if the weather is nice) or you and dh (or even the pil) could take turns to stay with your 2 year old.

Where is the pool/outside area in relation to everything?

If the kids are up & out who will be disturbed the most?

If they are all in the villa they'll probably disturb each other!

If your daughter fell asleep in the villa & was carried back would that work OK?

Stop talking or thinking about it until you get there. See what the set up is like. If described, it seems like an ok place to either put DD to bed in her room with a monitor or to leave upstairs in one of the adult rooms until it’s time to move her. I think going to bed with her is making a massive deal out of it and a bit unnecessary.

We’ve done holidays like this in the past and i think it’s fair enough that the no kids people are in the main house. Otherwise everyone is going to have to be quiet at bedtime etc and that doesn’t work

I also wouldn't be keeping to the studio until other adults were up.

It's your daughter's holiday as well!

If the attitude before you go is "you are being totally unreasonable" I can't see you having much enjoyment or fun, only hassle on this holiday.

But each to their own. I would go with my gut and do the best for my family. I'd actually insist on it or don't go. You will soon see who they prioritise then.

And OP do you all actually thoroughly enjoy each other's company all day every day on holiday? Maybe you all get on brilliantly. But I cannot for the life of me understand mega family holidays like this. My idea of hell on earth, sorry.

Why would you need an airbed just put her in grandma's bed for example and carry her over later it's no big deal.

What's the layout inside the villa like? If there are two bedrooms far away from all the communal space then give them to non kid couples. Kid couples take the 3 bedrooms nearest the communal space.

Bil as a lone adult with no kids - surely if he wants leisurely lie ins it would make sense for him to be in a studio?

Did your in-laws never hear about Madeline McCann? Pretty sure that was a group of people assuming kids safe if in locked room… are your in-laws for real?!

Id take pram and let DD sleep in that, then put her to bed when you go. I don’t think you need to ensure she is in bed, I bet you could lie her on a bed in the apartment you’re all sat in also - that’s what I used to do. We’d go around to one apartment, kids lie down there when they’re tired and we carry them home. You don’t have to give up your evenings, that is OTT

My goodness a 6.30am start would not suit me one bit, do all the young children wake at that time? You might find if they don't go to bed so early they sleep later.

Ha. God i wish keeping mine up made them sleep in. It literally never has and we've tried it so many times. If anything it makes them sleep worse & wake earlier!

You can't have it both ways. If the studio is suitable because it's far away enough that the 2 year old would not be disturbing anyone in the morning then it's too far away for the parents to leave her in the evening. But I'd be 100% saying I'll be at the house for breakfast by 8.30.

"Did your in-laws never hear about Madeline McCann? Pretty sure that was a group of people assuming kids safe if in locked room"

Well you'd be wrong. They left the door wide open.

My goodness a 6.30am start would not suit me one bit, do all the young children wake at that time? You might find if they don't go to bed so early they sleep later

😂😂😂

I think you're being a bit unreasonable in bringing down the wrath of Mumsnet on poor Uncle Eric when it doesn't even sound like he's the one pressurising you and sounds like he's great with your DD which is surely worth its weight in gold.

I suspect your comment came across a bit passive aggressive on Whatsapp and made the others feel weird. It does a bit like "Ok well we'll just have to not join you then" sort of thing. Maybe whatsapp is not the best place for these sorts of discussions. Just say "look it's my decision and I honestly don't mind, let's drop it now" or something. But it sounds to me like you do mind, and were being a bit passive aggressive as the odd (irrelevant) remarks about Uncle Eric's loft apartment and blissfully child-free lifestyle makes clear. It's not fair to resent others for having different lifestyles or priorities.

But it is also unreasonable of them to say you have to do things a particular way or should put your child in another space when you aren't comfortable with this. They are (presumably) feeling guilty and this might be making them come across more controlling than necessary.

Why not just speak on the phone or something and either work out something you're happy with for your own small family unit and tell them (and tell them you're happy with that. Closed discussion) or suggest a different overall plan that takes into account everyone's different wants and needs as much as possible.

I've been the single person kind of left to entertain kids for hours on end in these kind of group situations and sometimes I've ended up feeling a bit resentful that the parents see it as a chance for some babysitting and don't even talk to me much or check if I need a break either, like I should just be there entertaining their children because I don't have any. I don't mind for a while and I'm quite good with children, but it's the assumption by the parents and the kind of, yes, slightly entitled attitude that gets to me. A bit of acknowledgement even would be nice sometimes. I'd say if you have a popular Uncle Eric type willing to put the hours in in the day with your DD and she adores him and he adores her, then that's really great for you and your husband and your DD and I wouldn't be resenting him his lie-ins or late-night socialising just because he isn't a parent the rest of the time. It's maybe because he's not a parent himself that he can give so much attention to DD also which is lovely for her now and hopefully in the future too. The fact he wants some adult time also on holiday isn't a crime.

So what? It is how childfree people get to holiday!
FWIW I understand being annoyed about the lack of lie ins but if it is because of your own child it would be VU to complain.

Was it an off the cuff remark though? You've replied to them saying you families with kids take the self contained apartments with "OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night".

You're throwing your toys out because you didn't get what you want. No need for dramatics and laying out of toddler beds . Either stick her in someone else's bed til you're ready to leave or in a pushchair. Your threat of pumping her full of sugar to get back at them is very telling.

I wouldn't take a 3 year old to a villa with an unfenced pool.

I actually feel panicky thinking about it.

You only have to look away for a minute.

I'm sorry to be dramatic about it but I have personal experience of the danger of children and water and there are many many examples of holiday tragedies.

So if she sleeps in a cot in the big house while you're all drinking and chatting, what if she wakes up and wanders outside?
You are not likely to be locking yourselves in and noone is going to be constantly watching a sleeping child.

When mine were young we only ever went to villas with fences and alarms.

Fences and alarms for the pool that is.

It really depends on the layout and set up and what actually happens on the night.

I would absolutely sit in the garden having drinks for example with my DC in a building of which I could not see the entrance for example. I know a lot of people would not.

if the plot was independent, fenced and gated I might leave DC unattended in an adjacent building if I was certain they could not get into the pool - that would be my main concern.

I live in a property whereby I could be in the TV room and someone could theoretically enter through the front door and access some bedrooms without me seeing/ hearing or there could be a fire in one part of the house with me being none the wiser. Because our property is walled and gated and has alarms I don’t worry about intruders or fires

It sounds like this is an in-laws holiday?

Where is DH in all the drama? Tell him to tell his family to pipe down and let a grown woman decide what she wants to do on her holiday.

Oh and having lived in a house with a (fenced) pool, an unfenced pool during the day would be a far greater concern than anything else

This is very true.

Nearly all the tragedies are during the day and with parents who thought they were attending carefully.

An unfenced pool near a house, with young children is madness.