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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday accommodation & DD

242 replies

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:03

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

OP posts:
BecauseLifecanBeHard · 18/04/2023 09:28

We have an “uncle Eric” BIL. Lovely chap. I now refuse point blank to holiday with him. Keeping toddlers quiet for 4 hours whilst he has a lie in is not a holiday. Parents of toddlers should be allowed a relaxing holiday too.

the toddlers in question are now 6ft lumbering teens but nevertheless I still after a couple of shockers won’t holiday with “Uncle Eric”.

DivaRainbow · 18/04/2023 09:29

Best set up would be families in the villa, Then kids can go to bed in the evenings and mums and dads can relax with family within the main area. Also kids will want to get down to the main villa and pool as soon as they wake and could play with each other in the mornings.

Stopsnowing · 18/04/2023 09:33

We had similar situation but was agreed that those with young kids had the main house so they could put the kids to bed and then join the other adults downstairs. Childless adults had bedrooms in the annexe. We would not have left the kids alone in the annexe. If the issue is early rising then either get up with the kids and take them out or keep them quiet with tv etc

trytopullyoursocksup · 18/04/2023 09:33

Obviously you need to look after child as you think best. I think you are right, for lots of reasons. But what is more troubling is how you are even being expected to discuss this level of detail with your inlaws. It's going to be a horrible holiday if they think they deserve this level of control over your day to day life. you don't owe them an explanation let alone justification. I get that between you, you all have to agree who is getting which accommodation. After that you're just an adult leading your own life.

The unfenced pool, the two year old, and a domineering cavalier MIL make a very stressful combination. You really really need to get everyone's buy-in that that is a danger that you will be managing in your own way (still better, supported to mange your way) or you will be absolutely fried by the last day of the holiday. Sit down with your DH now and say you will not be bullied over that.

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 18/04/2023 09:34

If anyone else the than Uncle Eric were doing the room planning they would do the logical thing and put the families in the villa.

Ask the remaining couples / single adults to volunteer to take a villa room in return for a week-long pass from washing-up duty, and buy them some ear plugs.

nomoredriving · 18/04/2023 09:44

DivaRainbow · 18/04/2023 09:29

Best set up would be families in the villa, Then kids can go to bed in the evenings and mums and dads can relax with family within the main area. Also kids will want to get down to the main villa and pool as soon as they wake and could play with each other in the mornings.

This is best!

Morningcoffeeview · 18/04/2023 09:46

I wouldn’t leave a two year old. Could you take a pushchair and let her sleep in that in the evenings then transfer to bed. We did that last year with a one year old, letting three year old stay up a little later with us. Both in bed by 9.

Wheresthebeach · 18/04/2023 09:49

I feel your pain OP. Had the same issue with DH's family. BIL has a house, and then another house on the same property (as you do). I was expected to put DD to sleep alone in the 'spare' house when we visited - on the other side of the property. We slept there but as she was so much younger than the other kids the movies etc weren't appropriate for her so they wanted her out of the way and in bed. Was told repeatedly how silly I was being to refuse.

Dibbydoos · 18/04/2023 09:51

Def take the baby monitor, buy a couple of simple door alarms from amazon and use them on the external doors so no kids can get out without waking people up. Make it all as secure as possible. Show your DD where you will be sleeping and enjoy.

BTW my kids were great and stayed in bed on holiday too, it always surprises me to find kids are up and causing mayhem (in a nice way) from early in the morning. And no I don't know what we did differently...

Dixiechickonhols · 18/04/2023 09:52

I wouldn’t. I’d let her nap and she’ll probably be up late. Let her sleep where you are and transfer her. Don’t get stuck in trap if always ring you that shoes back if you do dh needs to go.
Tbh the un fenced pool fills me with more dread and I’m not overly protective. It would be illegal in many countries for holiday lets. so easy for her to slip away unnoticed or a I thought she was with x scenario.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/04/2023 09:56

Absolutely no bloody way I would be leaving my 2yr or even my now 6yr alone in a building at night while other people could have keys plus an unfenced pool

Obv solution is to have all children in the villa and uncle Eric can sleep by the pool in the studio and have his lie in

Tho sure he won't get till 10am 😂

On holidays when dd was younger /your age - we would take a buggy and she was usually sparko in it by 7/8 latest and slept though music /talking /entertainment etx

And once finished our meal /seeing friends etx wheeled her back and just transfered her

I know not all kids transfer but I've done that since an early age from buggy to car to cot etx so used to settling

WonderingWanda · 18/04/2023 09:56

I wouldn't be leaving a small child locked in an apartment while I went into the main villa. I'm curious does the lie in situation mean you aren't allowed to go into the villa for breakfast till the others are awake? I like to go to bed fairly early anyway with a book on holiday anyway on holiday so would keep the kids up till about 9 ish and then head to bed with them. I would also be up at the crack of dawn and in the kitchen making breakfast not cowering in my studio.

Squamata · 18/04/2023 09:58

Don't make a fuss now. Go and see it for yourself and play by ear when you get there as to what you feel comfortable with.

I'd probably go with letting her stay up a little later, and going to the apartment with her when she goes to bed - I'd be secretly glad to be away from the in-laws after a long day with a 6.30 rise, and able to curl up with a book and a glass of wine!

And yes, some kids just wake early - DS is up at 6.30 whatever time he goes to bed.

OP do you have a travel black out blind? They can be handy - they have suction cups to stick to the windows, can help kids sleep away from home and not wake when the sun comes up!

LancreWowhawk · 18/04/2023 10:01

There is absolutely zero chance that I would ever have put DD to bed in an entirely separate building to me and then just left her. She is 8 now, and I still wouldn't.

I've been on several big family holidays, and this sort of stuff is always so hard to navigate. You have my sympathy, OP.

In our family, young families would have been in the main house, along with grandparents, who are all either early risers anyway, or deaf enough to sleep through the noise. Childfree adults would be (gratefully!) in the studios.

DrPrunesqualler · 18/04/2023 10:04

I wouldn’t lock her in to a room / villa on her own. You’d spend the whole time stressed out which is no holiday for you and you never know what could happen.
Shes your child it’s your choice.
Lots of posters have said to let her go to sleep in the main villa and then transfer her which is a great idea.

Rhythmisadancer · 18/04/2023 10:05

no I wouldn't lock my small child anywhere strange for the evening - but I wouldn't go to bed early either. Just keep her with you - once they're asleep at that age they are very easy to transfer over a shoulder, or in a buggy, back to their own beds.

ImustLearn2Cook · 18/04/2023 10:05

Yanbu. Even with a baby monitor, from your description of the place, I don’t think you’d be able to get to her in time if there was an issue. Unlike being at home with an upstairs and downstairs. In an emergency you could quickly run upstairs. But different when you have to grab the keys, run outside, get to the apartment, unlock the door, get inside.

It’s not PFB it’s common sense and experience with young children.

I think some people don’t fully realise the reality of looking after young children and how quick you sometimes need to be until they’ve been there.

Pushmepullu · 18/04/2023 10:07

Why is it anyone else’s business what you decide you are comfortable doing with your own child? Stop discussing it then when you get there you do what you see fit.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/04/2023 10:10

Theturtlethatcried · Yesterday 13:46
Why can’t those who want lie ins go in the apartments? Seems far more sensible.

But otherwise I’d be joining you there on your hill with a picnic basket - mine are now primary age but they’d be alone asleep in a separate locked building abroad over my dead body, baby monitor or not”

This.

Climbles · 18/04/2023 10:12

What if there was a fire or a break in? There’s no way id leave them alone in a separate building. Uncle Eric just wants the main villa because it’s the nicest bit.

emptythelitterbox · 18/04/2023 10:17

That holiday sounds like hell.

Can you opt out and do something you truly want to do?

Apairofsparklingeyes · 18/04/2023 10:25

I wouldn’t be staying anywhere with a toddler that had an unfenced pool! As the sleeping arrangements are also unsuitable, I’d be wanting to arrange to stay somewhere else nearby.

Ineedtoloseweightnow · 18/04/2023 10:30

Madeline McCann, not a chance I would do that!

Sugarfree23 · 18/04/2023 10:31

Op how much time do you ACTUALLY want to spend with your ILs?

I'd probably be glad of being able to escape and get some time to myself. See how it goes she might sleep that you can carry her to the villa, you might be glad of being able to escape.

I can see the logic in the 3 young families being in the main villa and all getting a long like a John Lewis Christmas Advert. But life's not like that, kids might keep each other up, routines will clash etc

Reality having your own space, your own fridge, might be the better option esp when the ILs get on your nerves.

Binfluencer · 18/04/2023 10:33

Sounds ideal, you if it were me I'd go with her every night and have a lovely peacefully eve away from meddling in laws!!