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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday accommodation & DD

242 replies

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:03

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 17/04/2023 13:35

It doesn’t sound like a setup I’d have been happy with but you can just play by ear and see how it feels when you are there. I wonder why you are all arguing so much already. Also you might be happy enough to get away from them by evening time anyway…

Theelephantinthecastle · 17/04/2023 13:35

StonwEd · 17/04/2023 13:31

I'd just be keeping her up until 9/10pm then go to bed at the same time

This clearly works for some people but for us at least a) we had to work hard to get our kids sleeping through so disrupting their routine and risking bad sleep again and having problems getting them back on their routine when we get home is not worth it and b) I would actively want to have a child free evening and chance to chat to my family without running the risk of stroppy overtired toddler ruining it

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/04/2023 13:36

No way would I do this. As people have said, obviously think of Madeleine McCann. I would say also though that the risk of being killed in a fire caused by dodgy wiring or gas supply, or by carbon monoxide poisoning, or injuring themselves in an unfamiliar apartment, or getting out to try to look for you, etc, are all far more likely risks than getting kidnapped, and all valid reasons to not leave a child in this scenario.

SavBlancTonight · 17/04/2023 13:36

So they're not really joined, it's an apartment and a villa which are next door to each other? I'm generally relaxed and laid back but no, I wouldn't do that. Separate entrances means separate buildings and too much that is unmanageable.

If there was an internal entrance from the apartment to the villa, then sure, I'd say you're being a bit OTT.

FlounderingFruitcake · 17/04/2023 13:38

It would make so much more sense for the families with young kids to be in the main villa. Not only would you not have this issue but the little ones can then get up and play together in the morning, the parents can pool resources which makes it easier, no going back and forth with naps, to get a swim nappy etc etc.

turtlemurtle1982 · 17/04/2023 13:38

Can those with young kids not take the villa and let those without take the apartments? If the entrance to the apartments was visible from the villa then I'd be happy with that. Also I'd want the baby monitor to work properly.

Original poster
PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:38

My other VERY selfish & entitled gripe is that the apts are studio ones which means, although the rest of the Grown Ups get lovely lie ins during the week if they wish, neither DH nor I are going to get one at all if we have to remain in situ til a decent hour because she’s a loud 2yo and likes to narrate everything she does and I imagine the novelty of spending 2 hours in the slightly chilly garden every morning might wear off rather quickly. Well, it will for me anyway.

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 17/04/2023 13:39

But if the sleeping arrangements are set in stone then I’d put her to sleep in the stroller or the air bed you mention then transfer her.

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 17/04/2023 13:39

I would not be willing to do this at all. How many have young kids? Can’t they stay in the main building and child free adults retire to the annexes at bed time?

newtowelsplease · 17/04/2023 13:40

FlounderingFruitcake · 17/04/2023 13:38

It would make so much more sense for the families with young kids to be in the main villa. Not only would you not have this issue but the little ones can then get up and play together in the morning, the parents can pool resources which makes it easier, no going back and forth with naps, to get a swim nappy etc etc.

This. I wouldn't be knowingly signing up for the conditions you've described OP. If the oldies get the lie ins, why can't the young ones have the communal living space while they sleep in??

MyGrandmaLizzie · 17/04/2023 13:44

This sort of issue is why we only go on holiday just us 4. DH, 2DC and I. No one else. Saves the aggravation.

Gymmum82 · 17/04/2023 13:45

I think the family’s with kids get the house and the other get the apartments. Then the kids can go to bed and get up early and play without disturbing anyone else. Maybe the parents can take in turns for a lie in by watching Each other’s kids. I wouldn’t leave my child in a seperate building on her own

Theturtlethatcried · 17/04/2023 13:46

Why can’t those who want lie ins go in the apartments? Seems far more sensible.

But otherwise I’d be joining you there on your hill with a picnic basket - mine are now primary age but they’d be alone asleep in a separate locked building abroad over my dead body, baby monitor or not.

PotKettel · 17/04/2023 13:47

Like pp, my first thought reading your post was about Madeleine McCann. There is no way on earth i would leave a small child alone in a building.

Original poster
PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:48

So 8 ‘sets’ of people - 5 couples/single adults and 3 small families (2 parents, kids ranging from 1.5-2.5, DD is oldest). There are 5 rooms in main villa, plus the 3 apartments. Having the kids all in the main villa would mean 2 couples/adults putting up with noise most mornings.

I think the main issue is that DH’s blissfully childfree DB is doing the room planning and he’d like to be in the main villa and stay up late having a lovely time, as is absolutely his right to do so on his hols, however he also would like to wake up around 10am the next day, fully refreshed and not having been woken by a small child bellowing “WHERE’S UNCLE ERIC!? I SEE HIM NOW?” at 7am.

OP posts:
Starwarslover · 17/04/2023 13:58

YANBU and I wouldn’t do it either, totalling not worth the risk. What do the other young families faced with the same decision think?

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 17/04/2023 13:59

The 3 families with kids in the 3 apartments makes most sense. Just carry her across with you when you've finished for the evening.

Why shouldn't the adults with no kids get a lie in? It's just one of those things you accept and get on with when you have a toddler.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 17/04/2023 14:03

There is no way in hell I’d go on holiday like this and I’m single so luckily can please myself. This set up sounds like a complete nightmare and recipe for disaster (endless rows and resentment!).

DB and his in laws (FIL is paraplegic so both his DC take turns holidaying with parents to help out with respite care to give the DW a break) have holidayed with his BIL and family before and though it sort of worked well when they sometimes were together BIL’s wife etc has very different childcare views to DB and his wife so now if possible they holiday separately.

Agreed re no way re leaving a small child alone in a building and no you’re not being PFB either.

MaggieFS · 17/04/2023 14:04

So the plan is that you have to contain DC in a studio apartment until Uncle Eric awakes?

And is the idea you all have breakfast separately?

Acornsoup · 17/04/2023 14:05

What would you do in a hotel? Carry DD to bed at the end of the evening. Let the kids sleep in another room, in a stroller, somewhere safe. Don't ever leave them locked into a building with a different entrance/exit it's not safe (especially when there is a pool) it's just not worth the risk.

Theelephantinthecastle · 17/04/2023 14:24

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:48

So 8 ‘sets’ of people - 5 couples/single adults and 3 small families (2 parents, kids ranging from 1.5-2.5, DD is oldest). There are 5 rooms in main villa, plus the 3 apartments. Having the kids all in the main villa would mean 2 couples/adults putting up with noise most mornings.

I think the main issue is that DH’s blissfully childfree DB is doing the room planning and he’d like to be in the main villa and stay up late having a lovely time, as is absolutely his right to do so on his hols, however he also would like to wake up around 10am the next day, fully refreshed and not having been woken by a small child bellowing “WHERE’S UNCLE ERIC!? I SEE HIM NOW?” at 7am.

Are all the childfree adults bothered about noise? If it's mainly Eric then as long as he gets a studio, it might be fine? Worth suggesting anyway.

I think a studio with a toddler would be a pain. For me, the whole point of a villa is to get more space, otherwise you might as well be in a hotel.

MaggieFS · 17/04/2023 14:26

That's well put by pp, if you can't enjoy the benefits of a villa, why bother? @Acornsoup we just don't go to hotels with young DC because the evenings would be bloody miserable sitting in our room in the dark while DC sleep! The benefit of self catering is the ability to have a separate living area. The trade off is still doing all your own ruddy cooking and washing up.

Meandfour · 17/04/2023 14:30

Sleep in the main villa / stroller laid flat and take her round to the apartment with you

Sunshineclouds11 · 17/04/2023 14:31

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:38

My other VERY selfish & entitled gripe is that the apts are studio ones which means, although the rest of the Grown Ups get lovely lie ins during the week if they wish, neither DH nor I are going to get one at all if we have to remain in situ til a decent hour because she’s a loud 2yo and likes to narrate everything she does and I imagine the novelty of spending 2 hours in the slightly chilly garden every morning might wear off rather quickly. Well, it will for me anyway.

I personally wouldn't stay in the apartments once your up and sorted until everyone else wakes up?!
Go and enjoy the pool etc.

Everyone who has agreed to go on this holiday are obv aware there are small children involved. Noise is going to happen regardless.

Do what you feel is safest for your child and enjoy the villa.

StopGo · 17/04/2023 14:34

I'd try and look at it from another point of view. If the studio has it's own bathroom and kitchen corner you will be able to stash away some snacks and drinks for DD and you two.
If there is a little patio whoever is on evening duty can sit out with a book and a glass of wine. In the morning DD can have her milk and some breakfast before being unleashed on Uncle Eric.
DD is likely to stay up and hopefully wake up bit later than at home.