There's a great article which I was trying to find to post when this thread was new. But now I've found it!
Just Do The Stuff Your Wife Wants by Dr Psych Mom.
And as the thread seems to have died down I might as well copy some of it to give you an idea:
.. Yet it is a pattern that is evident in 75% of couples who come into counseling, at least in my office, where I see a lot of 30 and 40-somethings whose lives revolve around housework and childcare. The woman’s issue is most often that the guy doesn’t do the things she wants him to do, like hanging the pictures, and this makes her feel unloved and unprioritized. The guy’s issue is most often that his wife doesn’t want sex, and doesn’t even seem to be happy to see him when he comes home.
The tragedy in some of these marriages is that the guy actually wants to make his wife happy, but he cannot believe that it would be as simple as doing the things she asks him to do. This may be because his wife is never happy with anything, but most women, and most people, are actually not like that. The issue is that many of these guys believe that they know what their wife wants and needs better than she does... So when the wife asks for the pictures to be hung, he may think one of the following things:
1. This isn’t about the damn pictures.
2. I’m tired and I’ll get to it later; there is no rational reason it needs to be done right now.
3. She’ll tell me I did it wrong anyway, no pleasing her.
4. She’s just in a bad mood and taking it out on me.
5. If I just got up and hung the pictures right this second, my marriage would improve by 5%.
Only the wisest and most intuitive of all men think #5, and they aren’t reading this article because they’re too busy getting laid. Now, #5 doesn’t actually preclude #1. It is about the pictures, but it is also about the wife’s need to know that her needs are important to her husband. #5 doesn’t even preclude #2, but there is no rational reason anyone ever needs a BJ either, and that doesn’t stop guys from wanting them. There is the possibility that #3 may occur, but if you rehang the pictures, taking another half hour, it is only a truly anxious person who will still not be appeased (if your wife has you rehang the same pictures three times in a row, you may want to seek counseling, for real). Also, #4 may be true, but I bet you that the bad mood will dissipate upon the hanging of the pictures.
Remember: it may not be about the stuff that your wife wants you to do, but the stuff she wants you to do is a proxy variable.. for you announcing that you value and prioritize her. Try the one week challenge of doing all the stuff your wife wants you to do, when she wants you to do it. I believe that her list will not be as long as you think it will, and even if it is, her happiness and relief and affection levels will increase dramatically by the end of the seven days. There are few guys who wouldn’t trade an hour a day of housework for a happier wife, they just don’t believe that the trade would occur. I am here to tell you that it occurs, but it takes about a week for your wife to really relax and welcome the new you...