to be so fucking hurt by them

[bumblebeesarecute]

I have hideous psoriasis. Im self conscious of it everyday- its like an outline of crusts all around my scalp. I can't hide it- it extends onto my face and neck- and my entire scalp is bright red with chunky white crusts on it.

I was having a massive flare up and I knew it looked awful. At work a customer pointed it out loudly and said it looked very sore. No shit, captain obvious. I ignored and tried not to show I was hurt.

But what upset me most is my friends/co-workers pointing it out and talking about it. They know I have a skin condition, they know it flares up, I dont know why they felt the need to point it out like this. They are the type who are blunt but actually just rude. They loudly said wtf is that on your head? I tried to hush it up and say its just psoriasis and its flared up and said I didnt want to talk about it. They made it obvious they were staring at it but scrunched up their faces in an eww way. They then kept talking about how "gross" it looked and asking silly things like can I catch it? is it an infection? (Whilst standing back from me in a joking way). I said no and that once again I didnt want to talk about it. But they kept at it and pointing out that some of the crusts had fallen out my hair and it looked like it was snowing on me. All while laughing and joking. Other colleagues then got involved and started preaching to me that their mom/dad/sister/cousin/labrador has dry skin and I NEED to use sudocrem. I told them that im under a dermatologist who is currently trying to shut down my immune system to stop this, and that sudocrem won't help, and as ive already said I dont want to discuss it. They kept at it, now at work im continually hit with questions like have you tried sudocrem yet? what about e45? have you thought about going to the doctors and asking for a steroid cream? have you tried going vegan? Well meaning but so fucking annoying especially as ive already said I down want to talk about it

I already knew it was bad so I dont know why this has hurt me so much but it really stung. I know they were just joking but I wanted to die on the spot and its confirmed what I already knew- that its obvious and fucking ugly. I just want to cry everyday now when I look in the mirror and im embarrassed at work, uni and everyday life now

I've got my graduation ball coming up and I just want to burst into tears thinking about it. I'm hideous, I look so ugly and its definitely noticeable. My friends and I have booked for a hairdresser to come and do our hair but its hit me that no matter what style I go for, it's going to be obvious and I can't hide it. I know I shouldn't have to but people judge and make comments and I just dont want to go anymore. But with covid this graduation ball is just about the only event we have had an Uni and whilst im so scared about going now and I know im going to look hideous, I feel so sad about not going. I've got other events too- birthday party, weddings, holidays with friends- I just feel so down and self conscious for it all now because this has confirmed what I already knew, that its obvious and really bad looking

I know nobody can really help me but does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or has anyone experiences similar. Thanks x

🌺

Absolute fuckers. It's one thing to try and give you advice (annoying but well-intentioned) but another to act with outward revulsion.
I'm so sorry, OP

So so sorry OP. :(

I have psoriasis too. On my buttcrack (can't think of a delicate way to put that) and my thumb. Occasionally it appears randomly on my back and stomach. I can't offer anything but my absolute sympathy and a virtual hug. It's linked to stress. I've found when I sleep well and exercise a lot it's better. I've been given doborovet and that does help a bit, but obviously your dermatologist knows best.

Your friends and co-workers are ignorant and cruel!!
Could you wear something like a stylish scarf/bandana type thing? Google what head coverings there are (currently thinking about eg Lola in Eastenders) and see if you like anything?
Sending a big hug x

Because of the location I've told men in the past before taking off clothes, I've got psoriasis. It's just a dry skin condition like execma (everyone has heard of execma)

Your colleagues sound absolutely awful, sending you lots of sympathy.
I don’t have psoriasis but I do have alopecia areata and become very paranoid about patches showing. What occurred to me when you said about being unable to hide it was that you could hide it with a lovely wig as then nobody could see your scalp, and a nice wig often won’t be obvious- just thinking it could be a possibility to cover up for your events. Not that I’m suggesting you should have to cover it at all, but it might be an option.

Your work colleagues are awful. You have every right to be hurt. And they weren't well-meaning since they didn't STFU when you told them repeatedly you didn't want to talk about it.

Go to the graduation ball. You are not ugly. I'm not going to pretend no one will notice your skin (I have a facial skin condition too) but anyone decent won't say anything.

Fuck your colleagues 😡

Sorry to hear this. My sister's friend used to suffer quite badly and it's now unnoticeable most of the time. From what my sister told me, it's not curable in the common sense but you can reach 'remission' when it affects less than 1% of your body as with her friend.

sounds horrendous - not just having to endure the skin condition, but also having to put up with such vile colleagues - have you spoken with your HR department about their bullying behaviour?
Have you looked at the Psoriasis association or Changing Faces charities for support or techniques on coping with you condition and the social impacts its having?
Were your university friends more empathetic? It would be a shame to miss your graduation.

Hope your dermatologist helps you get the condition under control soon.

Wear a fact headscarf daily until this flare calms down. There are so many ways to tie them (have a look on YouTube, or go to someone who can teach you), and can look beautifully casual, or glamorous. Many celebrities wear them.

People are awful, i'm sorry OP. Are you under a dermatologist and if so maybe they could recommend a product which could tamper it down a bit or neutralise it? If you're not under a dermo i'd look for one privately if it's affecting your life like this. How understanding is your hairdresser? You might want to look into booking some consultations and getting ideas off some specialist ones who might be able to help. T-gel type shampoos, coconut oil have been a couple recommended to me. Hats and hair decorations can be pretty cool for balls and special events, look for inspiration online if all else fails. It's a bloody minefield. Hopefully the warmer months and getting some sun exposure might help. I have eczema but in a different format and place, i've joined several FB groups for tips, have a search around on the internet and see what helped them. I do genuinely empathize as it feels like a stab around in the dark to what will work. At the end of the day though, if anyone is going to be a fucker about it, then they're not your friend. handhold and hug sent

Aw, I'm so sorry Op, that's shit. I'm having a flair up right now - probably to do with menopause or my thyroid which is malfunctioning, who knows. But it's fucking itchy and looks red and sore. Haven't got any advice really just wanted to offer support from a fellow sufferer. It's not your fault, you are not disgusting, they are being twats. The only advice I can really offer is a) speak to HR and b) call out the unkind behaviour for what it is - sometimes you do actually have to let people see what they are doing is hurtful and disrespectful and just not ok rather that trying to tough it out and act cool. But that's difficult when you feel vulnerable.

Hope you get some good treatment sorted out that will make a difference - mine is on hands and elbows which is easier to conceal but people do notice and ask quite often. I think some people feel a bit repulsed but I'm long in the tooth so kind of care a bit less these days. Mine went away completely in pregnancy so the immune system suppression sounds like a good avenue to try

I’m sorry you have gone through this. I know someone who had light therapy and it worked wonders. I hope it calms down soon and you get better work colleagues!

I have it on the palms and soles of my feet. It causes me a lot of embarrassment. I know exactly how you feel.
The worst thing you can do is pay any attention to those colleagues, worry about it or expect a flare up just prior to the graduation ball. Stress will worsen the dry skin, itchiness, blisters, cracks.
Trim the problem down to size - an awful lot of people have it. Recognise that those who don’t will have something about them that they don’t like.
Develop the confidence to enjoy life despite it.

I also have a serious skin condition that flares up. It leaves me house bound, ashamed and have to cancel events often at very short notice just because I am too sore and in pain to attend.

Everyone has the magic cure, they all know someone’s sisters, aunties, window cleaners, wife that had it, used this amazing lotion or followed some faddy diet and they’re cured! Or how sore can it be? Or, you attended a lunch the week before, why are you not coming to mine? I’ll find you a cushion to sit on, take painkillers, or my personal favourite, you just need to get out more and enjoy life!

The fact that they are being so rude, displays real ignorance, I couldn’t bring myself to explain anything more than once, any comment after that is offensive and you should say so. Beauty comes from within, they are ugly to the bone.

OP I am so sorry that you are being treated like this.
Do you have a line manager? Can you speak to them about being ridiculed for having a medical condition

There is nothing "wrong" with you OP, you just work with arseholes. Hopefully the students at your graduation will be more educated and more accepting.
I have no practical advice regarding psoriasis cures (I have it around my hairline too) but I can honestly say no one has been rude enough to comment on it ever.
I would honestly speak to Occupational health and HR at your workplace as what you are experiencing sounds like harassment.

You sound like a lovely person with good friends and family. People who invite you to social things because they can see past your condition and see you as someone they want to spend time with. Try to focus on that.

The people you work with sound horrible and a bit thick. Do you think they may be a bit jealous of you getting your degree and life improving for you? People are unfathomable though and your colleagues sound like the type of people who helpfully point out, loudly, that you have a massive spot, like you never look in a mirror.

The suggestion of going to HR or your boss to report the continued harassment is a good idea. They need to be told that their behaviour is rude, ignorant and ill-mannered. Could you be signed off ill by your GP for a short while to try to reduce your stress?

I hope your dermatologist finds something that works for you and you enjoy your graduation.

My DP has this, he uses a UV light, it's a sort of wand. It makes a noticeable difference. (There are other downsides of course so not for every day) Maybe worth a try for a one off event.
The people you work with are bullies, and I would report them.

I feel your pain @bumblebeesarecute . I also have psoriasis and had years of bullying as a teen for it - at school everyone said I had leprosy. The problem is the more stressed you get the worse it gets.
I currently have it on my forehead, hands, ankle (really bad) and like a pp my butt crack. Light therapy has helped but really all that does is sun and sea. It's not too bad at the moment as I have some go to lotions and potions.
Disclaimer here - I don't work for them and don't like mlm companies -
BUT a friend gave me a tropic shampoo bar (a yellow wrapper) and it cleared my scalp. I have used it ever since at it has really helped my hair. If it gets bleeding/thick then sometimes I douse my head in apple cider vinegar. I also use coconut oil on my face.

Your true friends will be at the ball and they know your true beauty. Please contact HR about the bullies

@bumblebeesarecute My son used to get Psoriasis on his arms..and STRESS brought it on like nothing else. {Teens}

Now he is settled it has cleared up.

There is hope yours will clear when you are in a nicer place and are feeling relaxed.

The people who are bullying you at work will be causing stress hormones to be released..Absolutely call them out on it, or report..Or even better..Change your environment to place that makes you happier.

Best wishes.

I've got a recent thread on my struggle with psoriasis. I've had comments from coworkers and acquaintances too. I work as a chef, and I burnt my forearm the other day. Mentioned it to a colleague, who was like 'ah but you're always covered in burns!' meaning my psoriasis. Recently on a night out a complete stranger asked me what the weird silver patch was along my hairline.

I just tell them simply that it's psoriasis, it's an autoimmune condition that causes inflammation of the skin. I find the matter of fact approach helps me. Saying that, I'm far too self conscious to bare all!

If you ever want to talk, PM me for solr solidarity! Try not to be too hard on yourself xx

Also I completely agree with the 'have you tried this???? 'Sorry colleague, didn't realize you were moonlighting as a registered dermatologist.

I have a skin conditon too OP.

It's absolutely awful. Makes you feel self-conscious and affects your social and sex life.
People are cruel, even through ignorance - idiots. thinking it's catching.....

I have a friend with one that you really can die of - Lupus - so I kind of count my blessings too.