to be so fucking hurt by them

[bumblebeesarecute]

I have hideous psoriasis. Im self conscious of it everyday- its like an outline of crusts all around my scalp. I can't hide it- it extends onto my face and neck- and my entire scalp is bright red with chunky white crusts on it.

I was having a massive flare up and I knew it looked awful. At work a customer pointed it out loudly and said it looked very sore. No shit, captain obvious. I ignored and tried not to show I was hurt.

But what upset me most is my friends/co-workers pointing it out and talking about it. They know I have a skin condition, they know it flares up, I dont know why they felt the need to point it out like this. They are the type who are blunt but actually just rude. They loudly said wtf is that on your head? I tried to hush it up and say its just psoriasis and its flared up and said I didnt want to talk about it. They made it obvious they were staring at it but scrunched up their faces in an eww way. They then kept talking about how "gross" it looked and asking silly things like can I catch it? is it an infection? (Whilst standing back from me in a joking way). I said no and that once again I didnt want to talk about it. But they kept at it and pointing out that some of the crusts had fallen out my hair and it looked like it was snowing on me. All while laughing and joking. Other colleagues then got involved and started preaching to me that their mom/dad/sister/cousin/labrador has dry skin and I NEED to use sudocrem. I told them that im under a dermatologist who is currently trying to shut down my immune system to stop this, and that sudocrem won't help, and as ive already said I dont want to discuss it. They kept at it, now at work im continually hit with questions like have you tried sudocrem yet? what about e45? have you thought about going to the doctors and asking for a steroid cream? have you tried going vegan? Well meaning but so fucking annoying especially as ive already said I down want to talk about it

I already knew it was bad so I dont know why this has hurt me so much but it really stung. I know they were just joking but I wanted to die on the spot and its confirmed what I already knew- that its obvious and fucking ugly. I just want to cry everyday now when I look in the mirror and im embarrassed at work, uni and everyday life now

I've got my graduation ball coming up and I just want to burst into tears thinking about it. I'm hideous, I look so ugly and its definitely noticeable. My friends and I have booked for a hairdresser to come and do our hair but its hit me that no matter what style I go for, it's going to be obvious and I can't hide it. I know I shouldn't have to but people judge and make comments and I just dont want to go anymore. But with covid this graduation ball is just about the only event we have had an Uni and whilst im so scared about going now and I know im going to look hideous, I feel so sad about not going. I've got other events too- birthday party, weddings, holidays with friends- I just feel so down and self conscious for it all now because this has confirmed what I already knew, that its obvious and really bad looking

I know nobody can really help me but does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or has anyone experiences similar. Thanks x

This is why the words “Fuck off!” were invented @bumblebeesarecute. Every single one of these people is an ignoranus. That is someone who’s deliberately chosen to be both stupid and an arsehole. Their choice. Rise above it. Graduate. Get your much higher paying job. Be much less stressed without these fuckwits in your life and be happy. (Maybe get t-shirts with both “fuck off” and “ignoranus” (and its meaning) on some t-shirts so you can point to them and not waste your precious voice on these utter cockwombles.
**just out of interest, has the behaviour from colleagues/“friends” been a recent development - since it’s obvious that you have made moves to better your lot in life? Could they maybe be jealous? Tall poppy syndrome makes people cruel.

Actually OP....

But what upset me most is my friends/co-workers pointing it out and talking about it. They know I have a skin condition

What the fuck are HRM doing about this attitude for you at work?!

Absolute disgrace.

Another fellow sufferer here. Nothing (not creams,PUVA light therapy, sunlight , Dead Sea salts, cider vinegar, acupuncture etc etc helped my psoriasis until the dermatologist let me go on one of the new biological injectable drugs which I inject every fortnight. Even then I didn’t see any change for weeks - months actually- when suddenly it started to clear and for over 10 years I have had pretty totally clear skin. It’s slowly creeping back and the plan is to change to one of the newer biological drugs in the future. It’s a very expensive drug so there can be resistance to prescribing it, but it’s changed my life. It helps with the psoriatic arthritis too. I really feel for you but there are solutions out there. Good luck.

@bumblebeesarecute I am so sorry you have not only had to live with psoriasis but work with such ignorant people.

I can’t advise about the psoriasis but I can about work.

You need to write to your manager and HR, you can use most of your op to explain you have psoriasis and how your colleagues have treated you and ignored your reasonable requests to stop asking questions and making comments have been ignored. This has now reached such a level it is harassment and your colleagues repeated inappropriate comments, suggestions and questions are having a negative impact on your mental health.

Ask your manager and HR to arrange training for your colleagues on diversity and inclusion and how their behaviour is inappropriate and harassment, reinforcing that you have a medical condition for which you are receiving the best treatment. Unless one of your colleagues is a qualified dermatologist with a specialism in psoriasis they should treat you with dignity and respect. This includes respecting your very reasonable request to not to discuss it. Any further harassment of you will be dealt with as a disciplinary matter.

If I was HR I would ask you if it was ok for me to reveal you have psoriasis and explain exactly what it is and why their suggestions are not helpful.

I know this will be uncomfortable for you to do this but it is your right to be treated with dignity and respect at work.

Anyone who is worth being a part of your life will accept you for who you are. Hold your head up high and enjoy your ball etc.

I have another condition and well meaning but totally useless advice gives me rage. Yes, of course I've tried all the obvious things and no coconut oil, and giving up dairy or wheat or whatever quack cure you've read about 5 years ago isn't going to work either. Your skin condition will hopefully go into remission with treatment from your dermatologist but your workmates sound beyond redemption.

I had this all through my life it was like cradle cap all over my scalp, patches on my face, back legs and arms

I had all the prescriptions and steroid treatments and it didn’t go.

Then I went on holiday to the US about 20 years ago and after about a week there and not eating bread (the bread seemed to contain a lot of sugar and I hated the taste) there were clear patches on my scalp.Actual skin.
Doctor when I got home said eating bread didn’t affect skin issues but if I really wanted to go down that route I should cut out bread for 2 weeks then dairy for 2 weeks then eggs for 2 weeks. Then when that didn’t work he would prescribe me more stuff
I never got as far as the eggs as my scalp was clear
My skin still felt like flaky sandpaper all down my back, arms, legs etc
It took me using a face crème one night and ending up in a&e looking like an acid attack victim to get an allergy test (my GP said there was no such thing as an allergy test) I had the patch test done and it turns out I am allergic to all shampoos, most conditioners, all body washes, soaps, hair dyes, essential oils, anything with parfum or benzene in. Nearly all face creams and anything with hyaluronic acid in, all laundry detergents and cleaning stuff, petrol and diesel when I am filling my car I have to wear gloves. I am also allergic to an ingredient in all the Covid vaccines. As well as my door handles and the toilet flushes as they are chrome.
I have A4 pages that I photographed and have on my phone for reference of all the different chemicals that pop up in stuff that I am allergic to.

I had such a big reaction to some of the patch tests that it took the skin off my back and I had blood dripping down my back i was bleeding so badly.

My mother I know asked for an allergy test when I was still a baby It took 60 years of going to the doctors and begging and pleading to send me for an allergy test and being denied until finally having such a huge reaction to a face crème and ending up in A&E that I was finally referred and now have smooth skin

Also Sudacrem and vaseline wouldn’t have worked as I am allergic to them.

Also it wasn’t necessarily the wheat in the bread I was allergic to as I tried wheat free bread and I started to get flare ups

I’m so sorry, OP. Your colleagues sound awful. A syptylish headscarf might be the answer for now, as others have suggested. And I hope your dermatologist gets it under control for you soon xxx

I would have screamed "IT'S A FUCKING AUTO IMMUNE DISORDER!!!!! YOU COULD PUT UNICORN CUM ON IT & IT STILL WOULDN'T DO A DAMN THING! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE JUST STOP!!!!!!" Then I would speak to HR or management and put in a complaint

OP has said it protrudes onto her forehead. A wig wouldn't cover it

I would raise the behaviour of your colleagues formally with your line manager.

Your skin condition can be classed as a disability under the Equality Act (2010) as it sounds like it's long term and affecting your life in a prolonged way, so you can mention this to your manager at the same time. What your colleagues are doing is a form of harassment in law. They need to know that, and if they don't change their behaviour towards you, you could take your employer to Tribunal if they fail to protect you from this direct negative behaviour targeted towards you for your disability and would very likely win, including compensation for the psychological damage they are meting out on you.

You do have recourse here, please get your manager involved, this is vile behaviour. They need to stop, immediately.

Suffered for years with it - don't now, so no idea whether age helped. Tried all sorts of stuff with varying results. The thing I did find helped was using the pricier shampoos, which tend to have less silicone stuff in so although it didn't heal it it did not become irritated. Anyway, the main thing I wanted to say is to go to HR - it doesn't seem (not that this would be okay) that it was just one mouthy fucker with others looking on a bit embarrassed - sounds like they all piled in. I would agree with the comment from earlier re tall poppies. There is a book called A Confederacy of Dunces and the title comes from the idea that once the dunces realise they are in the presence of someone more talented or cleverer, the form a confederacy against them!!!!! I think there is a great deal of truth in that. Most of us would have worked with people with skin conditions - bad acne, vitiligo etc and many women with PCOS have problems with hair loss and facial hair growth. Whilst not life threatening, we also all understand that these conditions can really affect esteem. Make a complaint against these fuckers - fuck me they are worse than the bitchy group of girls at school

I have had psoriasis most of my life, luckily it's easily hidden as it's on my leg, apart from when I have a flare up. I've definitely noticed environmental triggers as pp have said such as stress and diet. But I've had to learn to accept that it is part of me and always will be.

The problem is with them, not you. Definitely go to HR about it.

In the meantime I've found things like Facebook groups are really helpful for sharing experiences and to generally vent with others who understand what you are going through.

Best of luck, I know how all-consuming it can be.

I have autoimmune disease and IME stress definitely makes it worse.
Your ignorant, bullying colleagues are negatively affecting your health.
HR need to treat this as work place bullying.

Sorry to hear this. Sounds so hard. People are bloody stupid and so insensitive at times. No empathy. My friend had this too, for years. He felt exactly like you. It’s totally cleared now, just improved as he got older. Think the only thing he started doing differently was meditating. He takes some time every morning to refocus but that was after he had panic attacks. He’s so happy now. Don’t lose hope. X

I feel for you @bumblebeesarecute. I had it last year on my hand and spread up my arm. It was misdiagnosed 3 tines. Well meaning colleagues bought be cream and 'have you tried this...' etc. It looked disgusting and I felt ashamed and more stressed. Someone kept telling me to put Vics Vapourub on it. I resisted for a while because I was sick of hearing suggestions. Then I gave in because I was desperate. It worked for me, but the stress of.people talking about it didn't. One person said I looked like I was rotting away. It was horrible.
I hope your colleagues stop with the comments.

I am so sorry. I had similar once and it was so upsetting it made it hard for me to go into work with all the comments. I have no advice but lots of sympathy.

I've had psoriasis since childhood. I've had periods where it's been all over my body and others where its just been my scalp. While it's difficult to get rid of the red patches, the white flakes are easier to clear, they are just a layer of dead skin. I've always found liquid parrafin great for softening and clearing the dead scales. It won't cure you but I've always felt it makes it less embarrassing not to be snowing everywhere

Your colleagues are pigs. Complain to HR.

I’m finally on biologics and my psoriasis is under control, I’m on tremfya.
you might qualify.

Same here. Psoriasis and other related auto-immune conditions weren't under control until I managed to get onto biologics. I hated my hair - would never wear dark colours because of the scales, had it all over my body etc. It's nothing like eczema and well-meaning people with suggestions from Chinese herbal medicine to Aloe Vera could just fuck off with their idea that it was nothing more than a milk allergy or dry skin, It's pernicious and horrible and can cause all sorts of joint, gut and heart issues.

Big hugs to you x

So sorry OP - I wouldn’t dream of commenting if someone has a condition like psoriasis. Your colleagues sound awful & any friends that make comments are not your friends!
My DB has psoriasis & it has eased since he went vegan but of course that’s not for everyone.

So sorry they're treating you like this, it's so rude and out of order. You need to stand up for yourself in these kind of situations. I used to be too nice and let comments slide and I had to learn to be assertive. I never have this problem now. I always let people know when they've gone too far.

I have different autoimmune conditions and found the Autoimmune Protocol Diet really helped identify my triggers. I also highly recommend the Jason Vale (Juice Master) books. He was covered head to toe in psoriasis but controls it with diet.

Not sure if this is helpful as I don't have psoriasis. Hugs x

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