to be so fucking hurt by them

[bumblebeesarecute]

I have hideous psoriasis. Im self conscious of it everyday- its like an outline of crusts all around my scalp. I can't hide it- it extends onto my face and neck- and my entire scalp is bright red with chunky white crusts on it.

I was having a massive flare up and I knew it looked awful. At work a customer pointed it out loudly and said it looked very sore. No shit, captain obvious. I ignored and tried not to show I was hurt.

But what upset me most is my friends/co-workers pointing it out and talking about it. They know I have a skin condition, they know it flares up, I dont know why they felt the need to point it out like this. They are the type who are blunt but actually just rude. They loudly said wtf is that on your head? I tried to hush it up and say its just psoriasis and its flared up and said I didnt want to talk about it. They made it obvious they were staring at it but scrunched up their faces in an eww way. They then kept talking about how "gross" it looked and asking silly things like can I catch it? is it an infection? (Whilst standing back from me in a joking way). I said no and that once again I didnt want to talk about it. But they kept at it and pointing out that some of the crusts had fallen out my hair and it looked like it was snowing on me. All while laughing and joking. Other colleagues then got involved and started preaching to me that their mom/dad/sister/cousin/labrador has dry skin and I NEED to use sudocrem. I told them that im under a dermatologist who is currently trying to shut down my immune system to stop this, and that sudocrem won't help, and as ive already said I dont want to discuss it. They kept at it, now at work im continually hit with questions like have you tried sudocrem yet? what about e45? have you thought about going to the doctors and asking for a steroid cream? have you tried going vegan? Well meaning but so fucking annoying especially as ive already said I down want to talk about it

I already knew it was bad so I dont know why this has hurt me so much but it really stung. I know they were just joking but I wanted to die on the spot and its confirmed what I already knew- that its obvious and fucking ugly. I just want to cry everyday now when I look in the mirror and im embarrassed at work, uni and everyday life now

I've got my graduation ball coming up and I just want to burst into tears thinking about it. I'm hideous, I look so ugly and its definitely noticeable. My friends and I have booked for a hairdresser to come and do our hair but its hit me that no matter what style I go for, it's going to be obvious and I can't hide it. I know I shouldn't have to but people judge and make comments and I just dont want to go anymore. But with covid this graduation ball is just about the only event we have had an Uni and whilst im so scared about going now and I know im going to look hideous, I feel so sad about not going. I've got other events too- birthday party, weddings, holidays with friends- I just feel so down and self conscious for it all now because this has confirmed what I already knew, that its obvious and really bad looking

I know nobody can really help me but does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or has anyone experiences similar. Thanks x

Well if it's caused by stress the last thing you need is for your colleagues to be stressing you out over it. Could you talk to your boss and get him to have a word with them, would they act this way towards someone with a disability the rude fuckers. They need to grow up and learn some empathy. Forget trying to cover it (IMO) and start looking for a new job working with people who aren't immature assholes.

Sending you massive hugs.

Have you been referred for UV light therapy? It's the only thing that cured my psoriasis (which covered about 60% of my body). Ask your dermatologist about it!

Best wishes 💐

My friend has it on his arms, he explained it this way “My skin thinks it is injured and tries to heal itself by over producing new skin cells, these cells thicken up and cause the white patches and sometimes bleeding, we all shed dead skin cells, we don’t usually notice it happening but with psoriasis it is very noticeable. No over the counter creams will help,I’m under a hospital consultant care. Yes, sunlight or a uv lamp can help but that isn’t without risk “ .
Go to your ball op. Head up, teeth and tits out, a big smile and be proud of your achievements.

I have an undiagnosed skin condition all over my face and body. Sores that don't heal for months. Not catching but looks hideous. I've had men stop me in the streets and ask what's wrong with me. I had a male GP say I should stay indoors as other people shouldn't have to look at me. I know how you feel. Mr advice, surround yourself with friends and enjoy the event. Don't concentrate on how you look.

I agree with the advice to complain about your work colleagues through your manager/HR. Their behaviour is entirely unacceptable and you shouldn't have to put up with it, some of it is serious misconduct imo.

Hey OP. Sending a hug from a fellow skin warrior. I was 70% covered and was given an immunosuppressant injectable about 6yrs ago that changed my life. There are elements of risk but for me it far outweighed the daily grind of living with Psoriasis. It’s called Stelara and happy to share any other details if you wanted them.
as for your colleagues they need education 😡😡

God people can be pricks. My DH has psoriasis on his scalp and chin too and it’s so painful for him. As far as I know he has had no shitty comments like that though. People need to learn to keep their mouth shut and not offer advice even is it is well intentioned.

In terms of your graduation, not that you should feel you have to cover it but if it makes you feel better to do so, then I agreed about looking at some head coverings. My DD has quite severe alopecia areata and we use lots of large headbands and coverings sometimes to stop people staring and asking what is wrong with her 🙄

The fact that they did stop when asked is cruel. The laughing at you makes it bullying. Go to HR.

Also, hugs. I have a colleague who's on immunosuppressants because of his skin. I hope your dermatologist is heading that way as it's made such a difference for him.

Oh love, I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. It’s very tempting to isolate yourself when you feel so miserable and insecure.

Im hoping that you have a good group of friends to get you through the ball and you enjoy yourself without thinking too much about your psoriasis.

sending hugs. 🌻

This. Its not a word I use often but they are cunts!
Psoriasis is an autoimmune condition and it attacks the largest and most visible organ we have, our skin.
Sorry you have to not only deal with the pain of this, but their shite.
Sorry if have missed this but have they considered methotrexate for you? @bumblebeesarecute

If you have the confidence to do so call them out on their behaviour. You don't have to do it whilst in the middle of a flare up and it doesn't need to be a "telling off" just a matter of fact "I feel self conscious with my skin condition and am in the process of finding a solution with my dermatologist. I find it really hard when people comment or stare as if I am unaware of contagious. I was left feeling really upset when you said xyz". As for your colleagues if you feel able speak with them direct or go to your boss. People can be so rude and inconsiderate. I'm sorry you are having to deal with all their dumb comments when your in the midst of trying to figure this condition out

Oh I’m so sorry. It’s an awful condition. I get it all over my face and trunk. Does good coverage make up help at all?

Wow, how shitty of your co-workers. I have a small patches of psoriasis on my arm and it’s very itchy, when scratched it’s painful and bleeds. The scalp must be agony. Sorry this happened OP, some people will never learn to shut their fucking mouths. It’s a poor reflection on them and not you. I hope the flare up settles soon 🙏🏼

Your colleagues are bullying you I think, if you feel able to report them to management. Sorry you’re having such a bad time, hopefully things get better soon.

OP, your colleagues are horrible human beings. I think I would tell them that you sincerely hope they never suffer from a skin condition that causes people to talk about them like in that way and then I absolutely would speak to your manager about this as it’s a form of harassment.
I hope you can get some relief from it.

Handhold for you OP. I had this for years as well as urticaria and was in effect gaslit by any GP I went to. Finally found an allergist privately who sent me for tests and found that I'm extremely reactive to sodium laurel sulfate and variants, also the dessicant in washing powders and to many perfuming agents. Avoiding these helped greatly. Many years on I was finally diagnosed with lupus and associated autoimmune disorders, but I haven't had psoriasis for 20 years. There is hope at the end of the tunnel . For the present, you do need to talk to HR to have a word with your oh so knowledgeable colleagues, and as other people have said, investigate wigs or amazing scarf styles. You will get through this x

Your work colleagues are simply ignorant fuckwits who should know better. 🤬🤬🤬 I'd be reporting their skanky selves to HR for bullying. Bastards!!
Maybe, like other PP who have suggested you could absolutely rock a stylish scarf, all the while i acknowledge the sadness of you even having to consider it. 🌼

Hold your head high at graduation, you've worked so hard, don't let other people ruin this!! 🎓👏👏👏

I have lupus so I get it. (Not psoriasis - I get another shit skin condition.)
There was one nasty cow a while and a while ago on a crowded train who decided that I was catching and tried to get the conductor to move me so her kids weren't sitting next to me. The whole fricking lot of 'em couldn't stop staring at me, five hours on a train with their eyes on stalks, and I have never been so glad to be travel sick in my life. That gave her something to complain about. HA!!!!

Another one sending solidarity.

I tell you what I find helps though - big stick with a nail driven through the end of it. Won't do anything at all for your medical condition but belting your colleagues with it might make you feel better.

Another fellow sufferer here. The only good bit for me is that I do not get it on my face at all - everywhere else - even on my genitals, but never on the face. I had really good success with PUVA and am in remission atm.. only have it on elbows base of spine and under my breasts where is weeps and smells but at least you can't see it
People can be so cruel it makes you wonder how the human race survives

Some people can be so cruel. But that is their problem not yours.

Of course only a dermatologist could help with your medical condition.

Have you considered though seeing a therapist to talk about your stress and how to handle unkind people? Maybe a session or two could be helpful to deal with what triggers your condition.

Good luck and congratulations on your achievements!

I can completely understand why you’re hurt by then, anyone would be. They sound utterly nasty to the point where they’re either incredibly thick without a brain cell between them or they’re bullies, is there a HR dept you can raise it with? I doubt they’re that stupid they don’t understand what they’re doing, very few people are.

If it’s any consolation at all, my ex was the same for extreme psoriasis all over his scalp, face and other areas. It took him about 5-6 years going through the different treatment options before his dermatologist found what worked for his scalp. He’s not cured completely but it’s so minimal he barely notices it anymore now. You and your dermatologist will get there too, I hope it’s soon for you

I do have a suggestion for the psoriasis on your face that may help temporarily for your graduation ball (it only ever worked temporarily for ex, it’d reduce/cleared his flare up for a couple of days but it always flared up again after). If you would like to hear it PM me (or ask on thread!), if not that’s completely ok too. You have more than enough people making suggestions as it is and there’s no guarantee what works for one works for the other.

Your colleagues are vile though, and customers pointing it out are just as bad. The majority of the rest of us don’t care what you look like though. Your psoriasis does not define you as a person

I'm so sorry OP. I also have psoriasis and it can be really distressing. People think it's just like eczema (not to dismiss eczema as I know it can be very debilitating too) and are ignorant of the fact that it is a complex auto-immune condition. In your position I would go to your supervisor or HR and insist that the colleagues are spoken to about their inappropriate and intrusive questions.

OP you poor thing. I am so sorry your colleagues are so insensitive. My husband suffered very badly with psoriasis when he was younger. He was bullied so badly he didn’t even do most of his GCSES which obviously affected most of his adult life. It was really bad until his mid-late 30s, only under control (sometimes) with steroid creams and light treatment.

It is as good as gone now, We have no idea why.

I’m so sorry that you’re surrounded by horrible people. You’re being bullied at work, you should report it. Stock response to every comment: “I’m fully aware of the condition of my skin thank you, and I won’t be discussing it with you.” Any more pushing, I would reward with silence. Walk away if you can.

When I was at uni I worked in a supermarket with a guy who had psoriasis - it was across his forehead and down one side of his face. We used to get a lot of 'feedback' from customers who ask to return fresh produce like grapes etc because flakes of his skin had dropped in the bag, and also comments that he would pick it and it would be all over his checkout.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to live with, but I can understand people asking if it's infectious etc. it's the number one question we all got. They should of course ask in a sensitive manner and one to one would be preferable.

I hope you find something that works for you