to be so fucking hurt by them

[bumblebeesarecute]

I have hideous psoriasis. Im self conscious of it everyday- its like an outline of crusts all around my scalp. I can't hide it- it extends onto my face and neck- and my entire scalp is bright red with chunky white crusts on it.

I was having a massive flare up and I knew it looked awful. At work a customer pointed it out loudly and said it looked very sore. No shit, captain obvious. I ignored and tried not to show I was hurt.

But what upset me most is my friends/co-workers pointing it out and talking about it. They know I have a skin condition, they know it flares up, I dont know why they felt the need to point it out like this. They are the type who are blunt but actually just rude. They loudly said wtf is that on your head? I tried to hush it up and say its just psoriasis and its flared up and said I didnt want to talk about it. They made it obvious they were staring at it but scrunched up their faces in an eww way. They then kept talking about how "gross" it looked and asking silly things like can I catch it? is it an infection? (Whilst standing back from me in a joking way). I said no and that once again I didnt want to talk about it. But they kept at it and pointing out that some of the crusts had fallen out my hair and it looked like it was snowing on me. All while laughing and joking. Other colleagues then got involved and started preaching to me that their mom/dad/sister/cousin/labrador has dry skin and I NEED to use sudocrem. I told them that im under a dermatologist who is currently trying to shut down my immune system to stop this, and that sudocrem won't help, and as ive already said I dont want to discuss it. They kept at it, now at work im continually hit with questions like have you tried sudocrem yet? what about e45? have you thought about going to the doctors and asking for a steroid cream? have you tried going vegan? Well meaning but so fucking annoying especially as ive already said I down want to talk about it

I already knew it was bad so I dont know why this has hurt me so much but it really stung. I know they were just joking but I wanted to die on the spot and its confirmed what I already knew- that its obvious and fucking ugly. I just want to cry everyday now when I look in the mirror and im embarrassed at work, uni and everyday life now

I've got my graduation ball coming up and I just want to burst into tears thinking about it. I'm hideous, I look so ugly and its definitely noticeable. My friends and I have booked for a hairdresser to come and do our hair but its hit me that no matter what style I go for, it's going to be obvious and I can't hide it. I know I shouldn't have to but people judge and make comments and I just dont want to go anymore. But with covid this graduation ball is just about the only event we have had an Uni and whilst im so scared about going now and I know im going to look hideous, I feel so sad about not going. I've got other events too- birthday party, weddings, holidays with friends- I just feel so down and self conscious for it all now because this has confirmed what I already knew, that its obvious and really bad looking

I know nobody can really help me but does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or has anyone experiences similar. Thanks x

I've had it badly in the past. Cetreben is the only thing that worked. E45 and sudacrem made it very bad.
Complain to management about the nasty colleagues. Tell those nasty people it is extremely infectious and yes they will probably catch it in 3 to 6 months time!!!
Hope you feel better soon xx

This

OP, the treatment from your colleagues is harassment and bullying. Report to your line manager who should support you to escalate the matter to HR. Nobody should be expected to tolerate such appalling behaviour in their workplace.

Been there. Only chemo drugs worked for me. Mine was absolutely hideous and peeling and all over my face and scalp and hands. I'm completely fine now by the way but never know if it will come back.
Your colleagues are bullies and as others have said you need some HR advice.
As for graduation, focus on what a wonderful achievement it is and how well you have done. It's about your mind not your looks and beauty comes from within.
In terms of treatments that made a difference alongside hefty oral medication:
Lush dream cream (oatmeal)
Oatmeal baths
Lush scalp treatment
Prescription of protopic cream from dermatologist for face
Head and shoulders dry scalp conditioner
Banana hair mask from body shop rubbed into scalp

People are idiots

I have an allergy to exercise/heat and forever people are telling me
Have you tried antihistamines?
I get heat rash too (it's not heat rash...)
It's like because it's visible people feel they have the right to comment

I'm on a biologic for it now which has been miraculous

For me getting a patch test was a game changer.

All of my skin for the first time in my life is skin. Not blistering weeping flakes or crusty areas

I haven’t “washed” my hair or used shampoo or body wash or normal soap in 2 years. Even the hyper allergenic soaps and shampoos I am allergic too as well as all the creams and potions that are recommended for psoriasis/eczema etc

It's like because it's visible people feel they have the right to comment.

Exactly!

Like they think I'm "sunburnt" (red skin) treating me like an idiot who is not aware of the damaging effects of sunbathing. Which actually is GOOD for my skin.

Can you ask your consultant if they have any business cards? Then if people try to offer you advice, hand them a business card and say you're sure your consultant would love to hear from them.

I would report your work colleagues for bullying tbh.

Sorry you have to work with such dimwits op

sorry to read this OP it’s horrible when people say things like this and point it out like you don’t know already.

I have a skin condition that affects my hands and I have to have them bandaged up twice a week at my GP’s just so I can function and I’m now on immunosuppressants. Everyone locally that sees me all the time never ask questions anymore as they are used to seeing me. I really notice it if we are away and all the comments start again. Usually along the line of ‘are you going boxing’, or ‘have you had your carpal tunnels done’. I just say ‘oh it’s just a boring skin condition’. But it really annoys me.

I try and cope by just making nothing of it and laugh it off, though it’s hard at times.

Sorry your colleagues are so dim!

Step one - go to your graduation, have a lovely time, get your hair done up nice and spend the time with your real friends. You deserve it.
Step two - honestly, seriously consider finding another job unless this one is your dream one. Your colleagues sound absolutely vile. If they're this horrible over something like this I can't imagine how bad they must be the rest of the time.
Good luck with your treatment and I hope your skin improves in the very near future xxx

Oh op I feel for you so bloody much. I used to have such severe eczema which would regularly flare and up become infected and was bullied heavily through my whole school life. I had people say the same cruel things to me, asking me questions about is it contagious etc, I felt hideous and cried nearly every single day. I had frequent visits to hospital and had to stay in multiple times, going into school wrapped up in bandages like a mummy, with people constantly pointing and laughing. Saying I belonged on the itchy and scratchy show etc etc etc. There is help and hope for you. It has calmed down over the years, however a few back I asked to be refereed to a specialist again as I was having trouble keeping it under control again. They put me on a medication called Azathioprine, there is also one called methotrexate, which are both used, in high doses for cancer treatment, but the doses they put you on for skin conditions are considerably lower, although they due lower your immune system. You need to have regular blood tests to check your liver is coping etc, but they have worked miracle. I assume you haven’t got this bad without asking to see a dermatologist at some point? But this treatment, from what I am aware, has only started being used for skin conditions in the last few years, so please do ask your GP/consultant about starting it asap. I will keep my fingers crossed that it works as well for you as it has for me. You will be in my thoughts xxx

Hi OP, they all sound cruel, very cruel. Anyway I also had horrendous psoriasis, in hair, on face, arms, torso. Had to start wearing light coloured tops due to the ‘fallout’ from my scalp and face. It was dreadful. Had tried lots of different things but nothing worked. Got a referral to a dermatologist who prescribed me Methotrexate. It worked, within 3-4 weeks It was almost gone. There’s a stubborn little bit on my forehead but fringe covers it. I had to have tests done monthly to monitor my liver function and gradually tests now done every 3 months. I would ask about it asap. Really hope this helps you x

I've found a small dose of Prednisolone is good at calming down a flare, does that work for you? Very recently I accidentally discovered that sandalwood soap is remarkably effective.

New friends needed. Dump the rubbish.

What nasty bastards OP, so sorry you're having a flare up. No help at all with coping with it or the nasty comments, but a decent photographer will be able to edit your photos to remove anything you don't want to see. Big hugs to you and I hope your dermatologist can find a way to help 💐

I'm so sorry OP. Your colleagues are vile. I would be going to HR if I were you as this is just disgusting behaviour. Others have given great advice on here but just wanted to send my good thoughts your way

I'll let your dermatologist handle your medical condition. But your manager should put a stop to the bullying taking place at your job.

have you heard about this cream? Really helped my husband with his scalp psoriasis

What about getting a wig for the event? That way you might feel less self conscious and be able to fully enjoy the day/evening?
It's a shame the ignorance of others have crushed your self esteem! They are the problem and not you. You can't help your skin condition and nice people wouldn't comment on it.

I’m so sorry you have to put up with these dipshits. As PP have said, HR need to look into the bullying and harassment. And they can take the sudocrem and e45 and shove it where the sun don’t shine-both are terrible for psoriasis.
a work colleague of mine suffered from stress related hair loss a while back and had a fancy do to go to. She’s quite into 30s and 40s fashion and was really upset about losing her hair and what she could do for the event. She wore a silk turban-style head band thing (I’m sure there’s a proper name for it) and she felt really comfortable all evening.
go to your graduation, sod the haters! You’ve worked hard for your achievements and you should celebrate 🎉

What I'd love to be able to give you, @bumblebeesarecute is - me.

You're young - I am most certainly not. And I also have Psoriasis (plus a bunch of other things). What I also have is the don't give a fucking shit-ness of a middleaged woman who has learned to deal with idiotic pricks like that.

1. Inform your employer that their employees are discriminating against and bullying you on the basis of your Protected Characteristic. You have an autoimmune disease, which is regarded as a condition that has a long term, substantial and adverse effect upon your daily life under the terms of the Equality Act 2010. Your employer is thereby legally obliged to put a stop to this fuckwittery.
2. Tap into your inner 50 year old who is sick of this shit. 'Eww, what's that?' ''Physical evidence of a Protected Characteristic, which means you need to stop talking right now''.
3. For family 'I'm sure the consultant dermatologist will appreciate you calling her to tell her she's got it all wrong'.
4. 'FUCK OFF'
5. Go to your ball. If you want to wear a bloody crown or tiara, you wear one. Wear your lovely dress, shoes, make up, whatever you want. It's your evening, whatever those cunts might want to do to knock you down to their level.

I dont think there is any malice in someone commenting that it looks sore!

How exhausting, they’d irritate me. Not got much advice but my sister has really bad psoriasis has started wearing wigs and it’s really boosted her confidence x