to be so fucking hurt by them

[bumblebeesarecute]

I have hideous psoriasis. Im self conscious of it everyday- its like an outline of crusts all around my scalp. I can't hide it- it extends onto my face and neck- and my entire scalp is bright red with chunky white crusts on it.

I was having a massive flare up and I knew it looked awful. At work a customer pointed it out loudly and said it looked very sore. No shit, captain obvious. I ignored and tried not to show I was hurt.

But what upset me most is my friends/co-workers pointing it out and talking about it. They know I have a skin condition, they know it flares up, I dont know why they felt the need to point it out like this. They are the type who are blunt but actually just rude. They loudly said wtf is that on your head? I tried to hush it up and say its just psoriasis and its flared up and said I didnt want to talk about it. They made it obvious they were staring at it but scrunched up their faces in an eww way. They then kept talking about how "gross" it looked and asking silly things like can I catch it? is it an infection? (Whilst standing back from me in a joking way). I said no and that once again I didnt want to talk about it. But they kept at it and pointing out that some of the crusts had fallen out my hair and it looked like it was snowing on me. All while laughing and joking. Other colleagues then got involved and started preaching to me that their mom/dad/sister/cousin/labrador has dry skin and I NEED to use sudocrem. I told them that im under a dermatologist who is currently trying to shut down my immune system to stop this, and that sudocrem won't help, and as ive already said I dont want to discuss it. They kept at it, now at work im continually hit with questions like have you tried sudocrem yet? what about e45? have you thought about going to the doctors and asking for a steroid cream? have you tried going vegan? Well meaning but so fucking annoying especially as ive already said I down want to talk about it

I already knew it was bad so I dont know why this has hurt me so much but it really stung. I know they were just joking but I wanted to die on the spot and its confirmed what I already knew- that its obvious and fucking ugly. I just want to cry everyday now when I look in the mirror and im embarrassed at work, uni and everyday life now

I've got my graduation ball coming up and I just want to burst into tears thinking about it. I'm hideous, I look so ugly and its definitely noticeable. My friends and I have booked for a hairdresser to come and do our hair but its hit me that no matter what style I go for, it's going to be obvious and I can't hide it. I know I shouldn't have to but people judge and make comments and I just dont want to go anymore. But with covid this graduation ball is just about the only event we have had an Uni and whilst im so scared about going now and I know im going to look hideous, I feel so sad about not going. I've got other events too- birthday party, weddings, holidays with friends- I just feel so down and self conscious for it all now because this has confirmed what I already knew, that its obvious and really bad looking

I know nobody can really help me but does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or has anyone experiences similar. Thanks x

Can you put in a complaint to your HR dept as being rude / making comments / teasing a work colleague when they have made it clear they have a medical condition and don't want to discuss it, I would class as workplace bullying or harassment.

No other advice except to say I have a friend at work with very bad psoriasis on his face and neck, and I know he is very self conscious of it, but actually none of us ever notice it anymore because his lovely kind personality shines through. I'm sure your friends feel the same about you x

I have it on my scalp too - it has massively improved by following a ketogenic lifestyle. Stress definitely made mine worse and I got into a cycle of not sleeping well because my head was so sore which I think just made it all worse. Keto reduces inflammation and the difference was noticeable after one week. Since then it has continued to heal, along with other skin improvements and a whole host of other health benefits. I can’t recommend it highly enough @bumblebeesarecute As for your colleagues, call them out on it, formally.

I found it helpful a few years ago when people stared and commented to go "swine flu. Side effect"
They give you a wide berth then

My urticaria is also worsened when people stare and comment because my heart rate goes up and I sweat more and so more hives. I know I'm covered head to toe in thousands of them mate, the itching is telling me that!

Your colleagues are horrible - report to your manager/HR - their behaviour is unacceptable, and sadly they need to be told that. Please don't worry about it backfiring on you - they'll be called out on their behaviour and they'll get over it. Your manager could say that she overheard the comments and wants them to stop.

And do go to your uni ball! You'll be with your friends, and they will want you to be there.

And for all the people with their unwanted advice, it is a total pain in the arse. I have an autoimmune condition and am sick of hearing about eating my weight in turmeric, avoiding gluten/potatoes/dairy etc etc. Can you say you tried the latest cream and it didn't work? Or say your consultant told you it was made of cat placenta/monkey brains and you should never use it.

That's not teasing, it's harassment. If you can, speak to your supervisor so the rotten coworkers can be spoken to and reminded not to be fucking dicks. Not much can be done about the customers but your coworkers were out of line.

I'm sorry, it must have been so upsetting too.

Hey, fellow psoriasis sufferer here! I get it on my face, normally starts around my chin/mouth and spreads up from there so I completely understand how it feels to know people are looking and judging you for something you can't control. Keep your chin up!!
Go to your Dr, I was referred to a dermatologist who prescribed me Lymecycline (we tried something else before this but it didn't work for me) and now when I have a flare up I only need to go back to my Dr to get a dose of Lymecycline. It's amazing - it completely clears my flare ups. After my first dose (3 months of pills because it had got pretty bad because I had no idea what it was and spent a few months trying every cream in Boots before it occurred to me to ask a medical professional!) I didn't have another flare up until last year - only 2 flare ups in 5 years...!

It may seem terrible but it can be managed :)

Couldn't read and run. I felt for you so much reading this. Sending virtual hugs, honestly.

Firstly, go to HR. It's bullying and not fair. They'll be educated and any visible conditions for other future employees will become normalised rather than stigmatised. In todays day and age where humans can identify and live as a fucking lamppost if they want, and peers are supposed to accept that, your colleagues sound incredibly immature and rude about a skin condition. They need to be called out on it and, as I say, educated.

Secondly I have a whopping great moustache (PCOS). I ALWAYS get comments or stares, so your post strongly resonated with me. At 38, I now only pluck the wirey ones out and leave the rest because I am so fed up of the AM / PM routine of plucking. I caught a look at myself in the mirror earlier on and though jeez, it looked like charcoal had been smeared all over my top lip. The worse it's getting, the less vocal (to my face) people are being about it actually. But the wandering eye.. you can never miss that. And yes, it hurts.

As much as advice such as "be kind to yourself" sounds generic, I do mean it. Try not to let the condition define you as a person. If possible. It says more about the others than it does about you x

Psoriasis is the worst, I feel for you. Discovered that using henna to colour my hair really helps mine and my daughters. No guarantee it will help you but you never know.

I'm very sorry you are being bullied - yes that's what it is. It certainly is not humour. If you can find the confidence you would do well to report this and ensure they get some help to overcome the nasty aspect of what they are doing and given understanding of your condition. I had light psoriasis on my back and shoulders, now it's moving to my face. I don't know how I'll deal with it if it gets worse but I would say try to fight back a bit if you can. It's easy to say but it might give you some sort of feeling of control back which might help you to cope better. You deserve to live without this nastiness. 💐

I have had bad flare ups of psoriasis, it’s horrible, the scalp felt psychologically bad as my scalp would shed when I moved my head. I did use t-gel. But as you know in the midst of a flare up not much helps. Others have sworn by light therapy. You’re not alone.
I would definitely talk to your manager as that sounds like work place bullying.
hope you’re ok 💐 xxx

OP, you need to stop pretending to them that they aren’t hurting you. Look devastated, if that’s how you feel. Cry if they make you want to cry. Ask them directly why they are being so utterly awful to you. These people need a sharp shock and telling that their behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. A lot of it sounds like bullying.

Could you go to work one day, slam your hand on the table and say, “0h my gosh (cf name) those PORES- they are HUGE. I am SO sorry- how AWFUL for you. I have an aunty who has this and swears but tea tree oil. “. Then go on, more n the same vein and keep asking evey time you see the daft so and so if she has used it yet.
it doesn’t matter if they don’t have large pores, or indeed any other blemish. You just want to give them a taste of their own medicine until they gagging on it so they can’t draw breath and comment on you.
Alternatively report them to Har under the Equality Act.
Dont worry about upsetting them, 6 months from now I doubt you will even be responding to each other’s texts on sm and you may just shut them up

I'm so sorry OP. I suffered for years with severe hormonal acne and it is truly an indescribable feeling when you are so self conscious of something you can't hide and people can be so crude with their 'passing' comments!

Your co-workers are absolutely *sshats! I don't often say this but I would genuinely think about speaking to HR about that whole situation. That's so shitty!

I know how shit it feels to be self conscious about something, whenever I'd be in these situations I always used to tell myself 'this is something I can't change right now and I'm not going to let this ruin my opportunities and ruin special times in my life' I tried to really focus on enjoying the moment because I didn't want to look back on special times and not remember any of it because I was worried about my acne. It's WAY easier said than done though. Could you get a nice wig or hair piece or have your hair styled in a way that covers it up for your graduation? Or wear a nice headscarf?

Sending love to you OP. I'm sorry you're going through this x

@bumblebeesarecute
I am so sorry. I have only just seen this post and tbh, I nearly cried for you. This is f*ing unacceptable of your colleagues.
They need serious calling out, made to attend a seminar on how to behave, I am serious. This is a complex medical condition, often part of a whole syndrome, as you well know. I'm sorry to upset you even more but just wondering if your GP has considered you may have PCOS and sent you for a proper assessment, then a treatment regime. As you probs know a diagnosis of PCOS does not necessarily preclude you being able to have your own children one day if that is what you want, but in order to achieve all your goals, incl better management of your psoriasis, you really do need to do a good Google and then suggest that thought to your GP if s/he has not already thought of this. I absolutely feel your pain, OP, appallingly ignorant behaviour by your so-called adult colleagues, imo

A shampoo called Clobex works really well on psoriasis

My nephew used to get terrible psoriasis. He is on some strong drug now and it is a lot better. I don't know what it is but his specialist checked he was not planning on having a baby. As his family was complete he went for the snip to be on the safe side.

No advice my darling but I do feel like going into your work and loudly pointing out every single one of these gobshites flaws

😘

I know they were just joking but I wanted to die on the spot and its confirmed what I already knew- that its obvious and fucking ugly

They were NOT "just joking"!! They were being unbelievably nasty, crass, cruel, unkind and just plain AWFUL!

1. I suggest that anyone says a thing you have your reply ready, said VERY firmly and then walk off, as in....

    "LOOK, I wonder how YOU would feel if you had the problem that I have with PSORIASIS? I KNOW what it looks like, I don't need anyone , including you telling me! I KNOW that it is an unpleasant sight and I KNOW that people find it off putting. Why you lot think you are such experts on my problem I don't know. What I DO know is that I am absolutely sick of the lot of you talking abput my Psoriaisis and telling me what to do!¬ So just STOP!. And don't you DARE tell me you are just joking!"

Walk off with your head held high. Then |I would talk to HR about the problem

In the meantime could you go alone to a hairdresser and ask for advice regarding your graduation ball, the psoriasis problem etc ...ask for some advice on styles, or even a silk headress being used to help cover up etc.

I am so sorry that you are going through this with such awful people

Yep, what@Madamum18 says should work as well, and others say- get HR involved or a line manager- you should NOT be having to deal with this behaviour in 2023!

I've found lemon shampoo or teatree sometimes helps x And my mahoosive tub of diprobase (but not on my scalp!). It won't help it, but have you thought about wearing a wig for the ball with maybe a tiara? If it sounds incredibly itchy or painful then have your hair and makeup done, get some hair jewellery and a great necklace and feel fabulous. Don't feel you need to explain anything to anyone. If you walk tall, I think people will notice your confidence rather than your condition.

So sorry to read this and so much sympathy. Husband and son both have it. We live in the West of Scotland and there is so much of it here that people do tend to know more about it and seem less judgmental. Most of the people we know seem to have a friend or family member with it. Stress is a big factor for them - and lack of sunshine. Son worked in Spain for two years and it practically disappeared. Husband was finally treated for psoriatic arthritis with - as your dermatologist seems to be considering - a weekly injection that dampens the immune response: etanercept. It's serious and expensive medicine but the psoriasis he had had all over his scalp and elsewhere intermittently for most of his life, disappeared as if by magic. Good luck with it for the future and do hope you can find some more understanding friends and colleagues.

My OH has psoriasis and was quite self conscious about it. He uses Dovobet and tries to manage it through diet too. We also have some aloe vera cream (Aloe Propolis Creme) which seems to provide some relief.

And if the suggestions to try E45 or Sudocrem keep coming, just pretend. Then report back that it’s not working for you. A little white lie might do the trick here.

It does seem to be stress related so if you’re stressing about your colleagues’ reaction that won’t help. I know you said you would prefer not to talk about it but maybe you could try turning the tables and actually talk about the condition. Flood them with information, printed from the NHS site or if your dermatologist has any leaflets. If they know what it is, and you stop minding what they think (easier said than done, I know), it might reduce the stress you’re under.

You absolutely shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed, psoriasis isn’t something you can help. You’re not f-ugly, this is the stress working negatively on you. Find something positive to focus on - maybe you’re tall and willowy or deliciously curvaceous, remember that and work it. If you put out positive vibes and smile, most people will respond in kind.

You can do this @bumblebeesarecute

sorry to hear you’re having a horrible time of it. Have you spoken to your GP about a referral for immunosuppressant drugs to help with the treatment of it? x

They sound like a bunch of horrendous people. I hate them immediately. Lol.
My Grandad was covered, head to toe - his skin was black with it, he had to have a nurse bath him and do all his creams etc everyday.
My mum also had it (has been clear for quite few years now) she had it in patches. Palms, feet, scalp, shins and elbows. She would bleed with it sometimes. She worked in a shop, customer was purchasing something random like a box of something and spotted my mums hands, they were just really red at that point as it had started to heal and this customer said she didn't want it after my mum had touched it. I was absolutely fuming when my mum told me.
My mum used Aveeno quite a bit but more recently to it healing I got her a load of hemp stuff and she believes that really help. Might be worth a try OP.
F*k the ignorant arseholes.

I was thinking the same. Head coverings are pretty cool at the moment. What stupid people you have around you. Hugs from me too and try to remember you’re not ugly!