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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisCity · 16/04/2023 16:15

Dontbelieveaword · 16/04/2023 15:39

@WeBuiltThisCity and as I said, everyone would expect support from husband and friends. I also said she should have someone with her when she speaks to the woman so she can't run off screaming again accusing OP of being mean or malicious etc. But OP is perfectly capable of asking for a meet up - with DHs present for support - and once again calmly explaining that she is not the person she thinks she is and to kindly stop making nasty, untrue comments. And then I advised OP to carry on life as normal with support of DH and friends.
If you want your DH to run interference between you and anyone who upsets you, that's your choice. It personally wouldn't be mine. So let's just agree to disagree, eh?

Extreme deliberate misunderstanding there…

shyalice · 16/04/2023 16:16

Is there a village Facebook page or WhatsApp group? If there is could you write a post on there just explaining that there has been a case of mistaken identity and you don’t know this woman. Have old school pictures to hand as proof.

Whichnumbers · 16/04/2023 16:16

Holly60 · 16/04/2023 14:49

If she won't engage with you - could you put a school photo up on Facebook of you saying 'gosh can you believe Xschool was so long ago!'

Then hope people in your village/she sees it?

take a school photograph to church and ask her afterwards to point herself out - as you certainly don't remember her?

Original poster
Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 16:18

bemorerip · 16/04/2023 16:07

I need more information about the initial encounter.
I don't understand how you parted ways with her still thinking she knows you when you have said she doesn't!?

I was walking my dogs. Bumped into her and her DH. Her first words were so I know you. I said no I don’t think so. She then mentioned her school and I said no sorry not me. I tried to change the subject on how was her move etc but she didn’t listen. She then said no I am sure I went to school with you. Her DH then mentioned her school leaving year and I said sorry definitely not me. She then walked away saying to her DH. a I I am right that is definitely her.
I went on my way.
two sec chat really.

OP posts:
CelestiaNoctis · 16/04/2023 16:19

I'd ask different people for advice like in the shop and pub and church. Then it'll spread around that she's a nut job and maybe someone will know what to do lol.

LakeTiticaca · 16/04/2023 16:19

Get a a solicitor to write her a letter telling her to refrain from spreading false rumours about you.....or else

MsRosley · 16/04/2023 16:21

Don't worry, everyone else in the village will be fully aware she's nuts. Just be nice and normal, and it will fizzle out.

Tangelablue · 16/04/2023 16:21

I really don't think you need to prove yourself. I wouldn't approach her, if anyone mentions something she has said about u, just reply "yeah it's strange isn't it, we went to different schools in different towns but she is convinced we went to school together. I must have a doppelganger". Don't make any changes to your routine, just ignore her.

ffsgiveitarest · 16/04/2023 16:22

Solicitor letters, speaking to the pub landlord, shop owners and church, and taking a bottle of wine round to talk to bat shit woman! 🤣 jeeze thought I was on nethuns for a minute! 🤣🤣🤣😹😹

MaroonCow · 16/04/2023 16:23

Don't dignify it. Carry on as you always do, pay it no mind, and if anyone ever mentions it (which they will if she makes a big enough deal about it), you can just say no, you haven't met her before and you didn't go to school together, you're not even the same age.

Anything else looks like you have something to hide.

Nordicrain · 16/04/2023 16:25

Pinkywoo · 16/04/2023 14:52

I'd do this, and take ID!

Show quote history

I would too. And in your own interests I would probably bring something - like some cake or something. She sounds very strange indeed and I think you probably can't do anything about it, but what you can do is kill her with kindness so it's really clear who is the crazy person in this scenario.

Similar happened to me, our neighbour in our last house insisted to her husband I went to uni with her. I didn't go to her uni and I had never seen her before in my life. Luckily she never spoke to me and we aren't in a small village, but he kept mentioning it to me and it was weird.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 16/04/2023 16:26

She's clearly got some serious issues.

In time it will become clear to others something isn't right and her view of you doesn't match what they know.

Meanwhile don't bend out of shape for her at all as that will only look like there is something in it.

Hopefully people who know you will twig this is bs first and then the word will go round. Are you usually well liked?

Biilie82 · 16/04/2023 16:27

Oblomov23 · 16/04/2023 14:50

I'd step back and get my Dh to deal with it. I'd get him to say : mistaken identity, lady thinks my wife was at school with her, but she wasn't, she grew up in Gloucester/Leicester/York.

Why the hell can’t you do it yourself 🙄

Skankylanky · 16/04/2023 16:28

Oblomov23 · 16/04/2023 15:55

Take a bottle of wine round, and your Dh as a witness, and play dumb, on the doorstep say to her that you wanted to resolve any confusion.

I think this is a good idea.

Biilie82 · 16/04/2023 16:29

Dontbelieveaword · 16/04/2023 14:56

Yeah, we're only pathetic little dumb women, definitely not capable of speaking for ourselves. I forget we were we're still living in the dark ages and not allowed to choose how to handle our own affairs

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🙌🙌🙌

MaroonCow · 16/04/2023 16:30

Oblomov23 · 16/04/2023 14:50

I'd step back and get my Dh to deal with it. I'd get him to say : mistaken identity, lady thinks my wife was at school with her, but she wasn't, she grew up in Gloucester/Leicester/York.

You deserve this kind of shit if that's how you deal with it.

Greentree1 · 16/04/2023 16:31

Can you ask the name of the person she thinks you are and which school she thinks you both went to and when. Then you could prove that you went to a different school at the time and your name was different, the timings were wrong, etc. Do you share a name with someone she knew or was your maiden name different? I think we all probably have a doppelganger somewhere. but she can't blame you for looking like someone she used to know.

Sit down (over a cup of tea, or a cocktail!) with a couple of other neighbours if you think it might get heated with a load of old pictures and documents and sort it out once and for all. This is my Birth Certificate, this is my Marriage Certificate, these are my School photos from the time you are talking about. Surely just a stupid mistake.

Or get a friend to find out who she thinks you are and prove to them that you are not (preferably a gossipy friend) and let the jungle drums do their work.

Fraaahnces · 16/04/2023 16:31

I wouldn’t take wine. It might not mix well with her meds.

butterpuffed · 16/04/2023 16:33

LakeTiticaca · 16/04/2023 16:19

Get a a solicitor to write her a letter telling her to refrain from spreading false rumours about you.....or else

I'm guessing this isn't to be taken seriously !!!!!!!

TooBigForMyBoots · 16/04/2023 16:34

She moved in 5 weeks ago, you were just the first person in the village to be on the receiving end of her bonkers drama. Others will realise soon enough.

I would not recommend going round or trying to explain yourself to her. It either won't work and will feed the drama, or it will work and she'll want to be your new best friend.🙈

Biilie82 · 16/04/2023 16:35

MaroonCow · 16/04/2023 16:30

You deserve this kind of shit if that's how you deal with it.

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😂😂😂

eyerollwiththepunches · 16/04/2023 16:35

I've come across people like this. The best thing to do is give them a very wide berth (do not go round to her house with anything at all, including your husband!) Don't try to prove to her that you weren't at school with her, as she'll think you have faked the evidence. Pretend she isn't there, and get on with your life as normal. Tell your DC that she is mad and that they should not take anything she says seriously (a good way to teach them about polite 'grey rocking'). If anyone else mentions anything, or if you get chatting with friends, you can state the facts - this woman thinks she was at school with you, but she is clearly mad. There are some people who are completely beyond any kind of reason, and she's one of those.

Amandasummers · 16/04/2023 16:38

This would absolutely rile me beyond belief. I feel stressed and annoyed on your behalf. I would be going out of my way to prove it, how the fuck "No not me, I went to xyz school" wasn't enough, I do not know, but I would absolutely have to make a scene about this just because it would piss me off so much!

CoraPirbright · 16/04/2023 16:41

Is there a particularly gossipy neighbour/friend/acquaintance in the village? I would be telling them that its a total case of mistaken identity, you have no idea why this woman would say such things and that it is quite annoying really!

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 16/04/2023 16:45

Amandasummers · 16/04/2023 16:38

This would absolutely rile me beyond belief. I feel stressed and annoyed on your behalf. I would be going out of my way to prove it, how the fuck "No not me, I went to xyz school" wasn't enough, I do not know, but I would absolutely have to make a scene about this just because it would piss me off so much!

Same. I'd be really annoyed to be accused of lying about something so stupid.