Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

[Highfivemum]

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

FGS don't take wine to her. She'll see it as you saying sorry because she's correct and you did do her wrong years ago.

Just carry on doing your usual activities.
It's clearly her that has the issues, not you.

I'm wondering if she might have PTSD, and be convinced that you were one of her bullies just because you may look like her?

Because she’s spreading false rumours about OP and she should absolutely set the record straight.

There’s not feeding into the drama and then there’s being walked all over.

OP needs to speak to her (not with wine or flowers) and tell her that she’s got the wrong person and she needs to stop spreading lies.

You don't owe this person anything, certainly not wine or cake.

Also you don't need to justify where you went to school to anyone.
I might suggest keeping a diary of odd behaviour and carrying on as normal, I appreciate how frustrating that may be.
I probably would have logged her shouting at your son with 101.

When people look at you just keep telling them you don't know who she is and you don't understand why she thinks she knows you from school. Tell them she's mistaken. You didn't go to school with her and you have no idea who she is. Just keep repeating it. Clearly she was traumatized by someone else who was your double.

Its not nice when someone thinks you are someone else. I once had an old man slandering me around the neighborhood I had only just moved into. Turned out his dog was attacked by a dog the same colour as mine a few weeks before I moved to the area, he got stuck between them and fell over breaking his collar bone. I knew nothing about any of this but he was convinced it was me and kept giving me filthy looks and telling people It was me who put him in hospital, even walking past my house and pointing me out to his friends. I had to get other dog walkers to tell him he was mistaken and I didn't even live there when he had the accident. I couldn't tell him myself because he kept shouting at me and storming off every time I saw him. I never did get an apology for the slander he put round about me but it really wasn't very nice. I was new to the area and people I didn't even know started giving me dirty looks because some silly old fool was mistaken.

I would tell absolutely every one you know in the village that the poor woman has you confused with somebody she went to school with but in fact you went to x school y years before her. You need to make sure everyone knows she is confused and it’s not you she’s remembering.

Take wine, take school reports, take your birth certificate?

Ignore the crazy woman and move on with your life

Crikey.

I would be very cheerfully, politely vocal about this. "Gosh it's a bit awkward, she thinks I was mean to her in school but we didn't even grow up in the same town. Poor thing, whoever it was must've been awful for her to be still be so upset all these years later. I'm just hoping she realises soon it's a case of mistaken identity!"

It is possible that you look very like someone she used to know. We have someone who lives on our street who is the absolute double of someone I know from another town. They could be twin sisters, only I have spoken to my friend and she has said they are not at all related. It is just coincidence that they look very similar. It could be something similar has happened with you. No idea how you go about convincing the new lady in your village of this though.

Has she named the school she went to and the years she was there, and you're absolutely sure there can be no mistake? I'm assuming so, but my secondary school changed its name not long after I joined and for years older people were still using the old name.

I still have school reports and exam certificates that mention the name of the school and dates. I also have letters and other paperwork that show where I was living for much of my childhood. My mum kept a lot of stuff and when she died I took away a folder of memories. I don't know if you have access to anything like that, but if you did you could just knock it on the head quickly.

It sounds to me as if she had mental health issues.

I wouldn't engage with her, she isn't open to listening to reason, she has decided you are someone different even though you explained to her that you didn't go to the same school.

Carry on with your life, if she is as unwell as she sounds, it won't be long before it becomes evident to everyone else. I would tell your children to keep a wide berth of her and her husband and their property, you don't want any accusations being thrown their way.

Easter Parade… church socialising… public crying… everyone knows each other… do you live in Ambridge?

😅

This.

The woman is obviously unhinged and isn't likely to listen (she has already shown that). This means that it could end up loud and unpleasant and she would have another excuse to tell everyone that OP is bullying her even now, well into adulthood. Don't give her the chance.

Get a third party - husband, or better, priest, to explain. If push came to shove I suppose OP could go to court but this gets very expensive very quickly, and people will still say "No smoke without fire" etc/

whatever her problem is with a former bully -involving your children is bang out of order

ignore her but if it happens again tell her you will go to the police for harrassment

Sounds more like a bottle of wine isn’t strong enough nor the quantity she is used to

Sounds like a good Sunday drama.

I'd write saying that she is completely mistaken in believing that you were at school with her, you have never lived or been to school in the same area as she did and can prove it.

It's possible that you have a doppelganger, though she should've accepted your word for it.

I used to get women of a certain age coming up to me when I was in my local market town, talking to me without my having the faintest idea who they were (but I have a bit of prosopagnosia, so that's not unusual for me!). I didn't know why it was happening, but as I was in a few craft groups with older members, I assumed they knew me from there & I just didn't remember them.

Then one day someone came up to me & asked me how my mother was. As she'd been dead for years, I realised they'd mistaken me for someone else. I said so & she said, "Aren't you X's daughter?" & I said no, sorry.

The weird thing is, I never saw anyone who looked just like me in town. You'd think I would've come across her somewhere.

In a small village I would ask someone to speak to her (a mutual friend/acquaintance, take up your dhs offer) to say you genuinely think it is a case of mistaken identity, but if she can pass on when/where these issues occurred it might help to resolve the problem.

Personally I would not curtail my activities and if anyone including her brings up the fact you know her or have hurt her feelings I would tell them that despite her insistence that you were classmates

1. You have never met her before her move to the village
2. You never went to school with her you grew up in a different area
3. You are 4 years younger than her so would never have been in the same year group let alone class

All of which has been explained to her on more than one occasion but she is having a hard time understanding this. But why let reality get in the way of village gossip.

Personally I was in my local village pub (boarding school in the village)
I was coming back from the bar carrying drinks for our table when an older guy approached me and started to shout at me to get back to school and he would deal with me later.

I stood there gobsmacked. The landlord was in fits of laughter.
I said I didn’t go to school and I had a husband, house and a mortgage and pointed to Dh who was sat with our friends.

The whole pub was so quiet.
The landlord told the guy that I wasn’t who he thought I was. He said he had done a double take as he had seen this other girl in the village one day and thought she was me

The guy I think only half believed him
Landlord told me later that the girl used to come into the pub for a drink (he wasn’t going to tell the school master that) and he had mistaken her for me. He really couldn’t tell us apart until we spoke I have a very distinct accent

The joke was that although this girl and I both went to the pub regularly you never saw us together
I never did meet her.

I would keep in mind she may be making it up. That is, she is just saying she recognises you, but knows full well she doesn't.

Keep in contact with the community (church etc) and just sound concerned…

she may think she recognises you, this is possible. I have been mistaken quite a few times for other people. But her behaviour is totally unhinged. Take a photo of one of your school certificates maybe to show you really did not go to the school she did.

💯