Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

[Highfivemum]

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

Yeah, we're only pathetic little dumb women, definitely not capable of speaking for ourselves. I forget we were we're still living in the dark ages and not allowed to choose how to handle our own affairs

You, or if you don’t want to your dh, need to speak to her dh and explain you are not the person she thinks you are, you have never lived where she lives, have never gone to her school and you don’t appreciate the lies she is telling everyone, and she needs to correct those lies with those she has spoken to. I would also explain his it’s making you feel.

and I would then add that if she continues you will simply advise people she is wrong, you have never met and she must be having some form of mental health issue

Seriously, what century are we really living in? Why on earth are people genuinely suggesting that the DHs work this out on behalf of their wives? Support them yes, correct things if they hear untrue rumours whilst in a group setting, things like that but ffs can we not talk for ourselves?

Surely the obvious thing is to go and speak to the Church minister privately, taking copies of evidence of when you went to X school and explaining that this ‘poor woman’ appears to have mixed you up with someone else and is spreading gossip about you based on a falsehood.

If you can convince the minister of the truth of the matter, no-one in the village is going to believe this woman over the minister. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just continue going to places you go to if anything is said "I don't know, I've never met the woman before the other day I don't have a issue with her." Rinse and repeat.

Clearly she's unhinged.

Alternate confrontation possibility: If you go to the church, have a word with the vicar and ask them to speak to her. Pastoral care is one of their responsibilities and they wouldn't want you to avoid church due to a misunderstanding and gossip.

I would be telling her again that I don't know who she is and she better stop with the dramatics and rumours.

Sorry cross posted but yes, I agree.

I’d help my dh and he’d help me. If someone gets screamy at the sight of you it’s potentially easier for a third party to communicate facts. Sounds impossible to hold a conversation with this woman, so you have to try alternative means. Once someone has run off crying at the sight of you most people learn not to repeat the experience

Can't you be the better person and approach her to chat? "sorry there was a misunderstanding as you must realise now that I'm not the person you thought I was. Hopefully this won't be a bother in the future as we're obviously going to be crossing paths a lot."

And what do you expect the minster do with this information? Give a special Sunday sermon with a PowerPoint presentation of OP's childhood photographs, testimonies from parents, childhood friends, old history teacher, to prove to the parish that one of their parishioners is being false accused of being someone they're not by the nasty newcomer?
I must admit, sounds like an interesting way to spend a Sunday, I might even pop over myself to enjoy the show, but in reality, i don't think it's the minsters job to resolve the matter
The OP is a grown woman who can deal with this herself without the help of men or priests or whoever. All she needs from these people is kindness and support.

@WeBuiltThisCity and as I said, everyone would expect support from husband and friends. I also said she should have someone with her when she speaks to the woman so she can't run off screaming again accusing OP of being mean or malicious etc. But OP is perfectly capable of asking for a meet up - with DHs present for support - and once again calmly explaining that she is not the person she thinks she is and to kindly stop making nasty, untrue comments. And then I advised OP to carry on life as normal with support of DH and friends.
If you want your DH to run interference between you and anyone who upsets you, that's your choice. It personally wouldn't be mine. So let's just agree to disagree, eh?

I'm usually a fan of "the "don't be a dick but take no shit" method however I think the fact you live in such a small village and the fact she is obviously not quite right would have me trying to be the bigger person.

Go round with a bottle of wine/flowers/some biscuits, tell her you're definitely not the person she thought you were as you are from X place not Y. Say you're sorry you got off to a difficult start of being neighbours, this person must have been a right cow to hsve given her such a shock thinking you were her. Be calm, be friendly, being mature about it is all you can do really. You can't control how she reacts but you can give it the best chance to get onto the right foot.

OMG this sounds like the opening plot of an episode of 'Midsomer Murders'. Everyone interferring with everybody elses lives, gossip, and judging behind backs.
She's obviously mistaken about you and sounds as if she has problems. Speak to her dh and get his take, he may well know she's a bit of a drama queen. Running off crying at the easter do, wtaf?
Fgs go to church, macrame class or whatever it is you do normally, don't engage with her and live your life.

I like this, but still make sure there's someone else there in case it turns nasty

Dig out a school picture and have it ready on your phone photographs, saying look mistaken identity: here's me at school in Birmingham/Kent/York in 1983, not the local school this lady seems to think I attended.

Thank you for all your views.
for the poster who asked was my son mistaken about what she said. I do not think so. He had no idea about the new resident. He had never met her before and I had not mentioned her. He came to me and said what she said and was confused as to why she said it. So she def said it to him. I have now told my older three children about her thinking something that isn’t true and if she speaks to them to let me know straight away. I am not going round with a bottle of wine. As kind as that would be she shouted at my 11 year old for nothing and I have no intention on trying to be her friend. She obviously has some issues and I need to be careful. Hopefully the other villagers know me well and will ignore the lady.

Take a bottle of wine round, and your Dh as a witness, and play dumb, on the doorstep say to her that you wanted to resolve any confusion.

I’m fiercely independent and never let my husband deal with stuff that I consider mine to deal with, but In this instance I’d ask him to speak to the husband to try to get to the bottom of it , for the simple reason you can’t.

I have no idea why you would want to live in a place where you think people would believe the word of a woman who literally just moved into the village over someone they had known for years. It all sounds bizarre.

I would meet any hostility from her with an “are you ok?” This woman is mental, and her dh knows it. They have moved to a small village as she probably has made enemies all over the place. If this doesn’t stop contact the police and report the harassment, screaming at you is one thing , verbally attacking your kids is something else.

So OP is now supposed to pack in her job, DH does the same, drag DC away from school and friends on the basis of one disturbed woman saying a couple of lies? Yeah, that sounds a reasonable and rational response to the situation. Don't Know why we didn't think of this advice earlier? Might offer to pop around and help her pack

I need more information about the initial encounter.
I don't understand how you parted ways with her still thinking she knows you when you have said she doesn't!?

Honestly, I think you said exactly the right thing to your kids and if other locals ask I think you should say, “Honestly, It’s so weird, I’m trying to work out if she’s just confused or really vulnerable and I don’t know if I can or should do anything about it!”

Give her a bottle of wine and have a chat, offering id and photos? What planet do some people live on?