Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 22/04/2023 13:41

In fact next time someone says to you that she’s told them you’re nasty or whatever… I’d say ‘I know, I feel so sorry for her, she truly believes I’m someone I’m not!… I don’t know what else I can do to
reassure her that I’m not that person!’

T1Dmama · 22/04/2023 13:42

Maybe ask her what this other persons name was, suggest she looks her up on Facebook pages etc…. She will hopefully find her and realise she’s not you

Original poster
Highfivemum · 22/04/2023 15:45

Update. The police emailed and are coming to chat on Monday.
spoke to other mum at school who had been approached by her. She says she has twice mentioned she knows her but so far nothing nasty. I told her everything so she is aware. I did see her yesterday at park so I walked off then today on dog walk where I again crossed over. I thought she was following me as I saw her again further on walk so I turned and walked other way.
I am hoping this is the end of it and the police will have a chat to her.

OP posts:
345s · 22/04/2023 16:09

StockPop · 17/04/2023 16:10

I haven't read the thread so apologies if someone already said this. Fairy liquid and cold water does wonders. Scrub well as quickly as possible, then wash as usual in the machine.

You have the wrong thread but this could be quite an efficient way of dealing with the harasser 😀

Daleksatemyshed · 22/04/2023 17:17

Thank you at @StockPop , I know you had the wrong thread but that did make me laugh 😂

dick27 · 22/04/2023 17:50

I am in a not dissimilar situation. I hope the police intervention nips this in bud. If not or even if so happy to trade what works/doesn't. A log of every interaction is crucial.

justprance · 22/04/2023 18:16

Hopefully the ring doorbell will also help. She sounds rather unbalanced

Original poster
Highfivemum · 22/04/2023 19:01

dick27 · 22/04/2023 17:50

I am in a not dissimilar situation. I hope the police intervention nips this in bud. If not or even if so happy to trade what works/doesn't. A log of every interaction is crucial.

I hope all goes well for you. At the moment I am keeping a diary and staying away from them both.
good luck

OP posts:
Iaccidentlykillplants · 24/04/2023 16:59

Hope it went okay with the police and that she left you and your family alone over the weekend.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 24/04/2023 17:04

Iaccidentlykillplants · 24/04/2023 16:59

Hope it went okay with the police and that she left you and your family alone over the weekend.

Thank you.
Police took all details but didn’t say much. Felt a bit like a time waster. Wasn’t around much tHis weekend and pleased to report I didn’t see her.

OP posts:
Iaccidentlykillplants · 24/04/2023 17:09

At least the police do have a record of whats happened in case you need help in future.
Fingers crossed she leaves you alone.
Did she even apologise in her note she put through your door?

Original poster
Highfivemum · 24/04/2023 19:12

Iaccidentlykillplants · 24/04/2023 17:09

At least the police do have a record of whats happened in case you need help in future.
Fingers crossed she leaves you alone.
Did she even apologise in her note she put through your door?

Yes that’s what the officer said.
no she didn’t apologies. I spoke to school today to update them and two other parents had expressed concern about what we believe to be the same lady. So I think she is targeting others.

OP posts:
MonsterFiesta · 24/04/2023 19:46

Highfivemum · 24/04/2023 19:12

Yes that’s what the officer said.
no she didn’t apologies. I spoke to school today to update them and two other parents had expressed concern about what we believe to be the same lady. So I think she is targeting others.

Show quote history

Well, must be somewhat comforting that it’s not just you!

dick27 · 24/04/2023 20:07

Did the police say what they would do with the info you gave them? Did they give you a reference number? Crime or otherwise?
I am saying this from the point of view of someone who gave the police info a year ago - expected and requested they recorded it and yet I am in the same situation a year on as that info doesn't exist anywhere...

Original poster
Highfivemum · 25/04/2023 10:04

dick27 · 24/04/2023 20:07

Did the police say what they would do with the info you gave them? Did they give you a reference number? Crime or otherwise?
I am saying this from the point of view of someone who gave the police info a year ago - expected and requested they recorded it and yet I am in the same situation a year on as that info doesn't exist anywhere...

They said they had recorded it but no number given. I need to chase that up. Thank you

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 26/04/2023 17:00

Surely if she’s talking about you to others like this, it constitutes slander and you can actually lodge a formal complaint.
If it continues please make it an official complaint to police for slander or harassment!
something tells me she might not be in the village very long… if she keeps accusing strangers of these things… maybe you need to report concerns for her mental health!

PuddlesPityParty · 26/04/2023 17:49

Hope you’re doing okay OP x

Talia99 · 26/04/2023 18:57

T1Dmama · 26/04/2023 17:00

Surely if she’s talking about you to others like this, it constitutes slander and you can actually lodge a formal complaint.
If it continues please make it an official complaint to police for slander or harassment!
something tells me she might not be in the village very long… if she keeps accusing strangers of these things… maybe you need to report concerns for her mental health!

Slander is civil not criminal. There is no one to ‘lodge a formal complaint’ with. You can sue (but you actually do need Rebekah Vardy / Colleen Rooney levels of cash because the lawyers’ fees will literally run into millions as in Rebekah’s libel case) but the police won’t get involved.

It’s only if the behaviour tips into harassment that the police can do anything. The OP is doing the right thing telling the police. Hopefully this woman can be given a harassment warning. If she then continues her behaviour, she can then be prosecuted.

TonTonMacoute · 26/04/2023 19:27

If she carries on like this she will pretty soon fall out with the whole village.

This doesn’t make it any easiest to deal with though, it is very stressful living with it, worrying about bumping into her every time you go out, and I hope that you feel better about this soon. You must not let her have so much influence over your life.

Dont expect the police to do anything helpful at all btw.

Fraaahnces · 27/04/2023 16:26

I’d be tempted to let her know that you’re fully aware that she has form for this crap and suggest that the entire village is onto her too. Maybe suggest that now she’s been rumbled she might as well move again.

whynotwhatknot · 02/05/2023 20:53

Any update @Highfivemum

potatohead1 · 02/05/2023 21:32

Would love an update

Original poster
Highfivemum · 04/05/2023 20:12

Little update though I cannot say too much.
said person refusing to stop with harresment of myself and four others. Her DH also been involved in similar behaviour. Police been forced to get involved after initially not being too interested. Just got to try and carry on as normal as possible in the hope that it will get sorted now.

OP posts:
PinedApple · 04/05/2023 20:18

Highfivemum · 04/05/2023 20:12

Little update though I cannot say too much.
said person refusing to stop with harresment of myself and four others. Her DH also been involved in similar behaviour. Police been forced to get involved after initially not being too interested. Just got to try and carry on as normal as possible in the hope that it will get sorted now.

Hope you're okay and it gets sorted asap x

PinkCast · 04/05/2023 20:22

Oh god, how stressful! I hope there's a real resolution soon, at least police are now interested. 💐
Is one of the others the woman she claimed to have worked with?
She sounds like a complete nut job!