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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 18:41

Thanks all. After 73 mins. ( yes I looked on my phone) finally got through 101. They have recorded it and said it will be past to my area team. How long that could take is anyone’s guess

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 18/04/2023 18:53

You've done the best thing Op. Normally I'd be wary of calling the police on someone with MH issues but in this case you really can't let this go on. The poor man who did your gutters- he must have wondered what the hell was going on- interesting that she made him so uncomfortable he didn't want to work for her.
I really hope you can get this sorted soon, you shouldn't have to be afraid to leave your own home

changeme4this · 18/04/2023 19:02

We do p… off quotes too. Generally if someone is a bit strange to start with, a working relationship doesn’t make it any better

Rosejasmine · 18/04/2023 20:05

Oh dear after reading the updates, yes you have to involve the school. I think she’ll be well known there. Don’t engage with her. I’m not sure if she’s mentally ill or nasty. Or both.

Dymaxion · 18/04/2023 20:12

Does she have children @Highfivemum ?, if she does I would suggest you tell your children to give hers a very wide berth for the time being.

I wonder if she has spoken to anyone you know and let slip where she moved from ?

FreezyWater · 18/04/2023 20:20

Blimey OP that's rough. Hope you and your DS are OK

Emotionalsupportviper · 18/04/2023 21:06

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 16/04/2023 22:54

Get the priest to do a service on Mistaken Identity. I'm sure he could put a biblical twist on it.

Certainly could! - and it's The Road to Emmeaus in the lectionary next Sunday (Luke 24: 13-35) - where the disciples didn't recognise Jesus even as he joined them pn their journey and walked and talked with them.

The Good Friday (Mary Magdalene mistaking him for the gardener) reading (John 20: 1-18) would have been a good opportunity, too, but we're past that.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 21:33

Dymaxion · 18/04/2023 20:12

Does she have children @Highfivemum ?, if she does I would suggest you tell your children to give hers a very wide berth for the time being.

I wonder if she has spoken to anyone you know and let slip where she moved from ?

No just her and her DH

OP posts:
Kennykenkencat · 18/04/2023 21:58

Emotionalsupportviper · 18/04/2023 21:06

Certainly could! - and it's The Road to Emmeaus in the lectionary next Sunday (Luke 24: 13-35) - where the disciples didn't recognise Jesus even as he joined them pn their journey and walked and talked with them.

The Good Friday (Mary Magdalene mistaking him for the gardener) reading (John 20: 1-18) would have been a good opportunity, too, but we're past that.

Show quote history

I am not Christian so am unfamiliar with the story but the way you explain it makes it sound like Highfivemum is unhinged woman’s bully and no one has recognised her.

MrsDoylesDoily · 18/04/2023 22:34

Noodlehen · 18/04/2023 17:43

This is the craziest story, this is one that I actually hope is picked up by the press so that she may read it and realise how deluded she is!

I've a feeling it will be.

custardlover · 18/04/2023 22:55

What a horrible story; sorry to hear it and I hope it gets cleared up.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 19/04/2023 07:11

I know it's hard op but don't let her stop you going out.

The tradesman is testament to the fact that people aren't believing her.

If you see her walking down the road, head held high and don't engage with her. If she starts shouting at you, walk past and ignore, walk away and ignore, if she follows you, tell her that if she doesn't leave you alone you'll report her to the police. I can see you've already done this, but any other incident log it again. Sounds like she's unhinged. It would be interesting to hear of she's done this to anyone else in the last place she lived.

Fraaahnces · 19/04/2023 07:20

So pleased you involved the police @Highfivemum! Hopefully they will pop around (when her DH is home with a bit of luck!) and she will realise you’re serious! (Even better if there’s a crowd watching!

cstaff · 19/04/2023 14:18

If she approaches you again and starts to rant at you, make sure you take out your phone and start recording. Once people start to see how crazy she is, if they haven't already, they will realise how crazy she is. This can also be used as evidence of harassment if you need to go to the police any time soon.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 19/04/2023 15:32

Thank you all for your words.
spoke to someone today. Not being too outing but the person has previous for this behaviour as does her DH .
still nothing from the police

OP posts:
Lachimolala · 19/04/2023 15:37

Highfivemum · 19/04/2023 15:32

Thank you all for your words.
spoke to someone today. Not being too outing but the person has previous for this behaviour as does her DH .
still nothing from the police

Thought as much, some people are just like this. Thankfully you’ve got support in real life as well as on here, chase police if you’ve heard nothing back by tomorrow. Sorry this is still going on, I hate these fake victim, false reality people!

FourBoysAndAFeline · 19/04/2023 15:47

I'm following for the updates and I don't even care.

Crumpleton · 19/04/2023 16:00

Highfivemum · 19/04/2023 15:32

Thank you all for your words.
spoke to someone today. Not being too outing but the person has previous for this behaviour as does her DH .
still nothing from the police

As awful as it is being harassed by this women I hope it puts your mind at rest a bit that she has form for doing the same to others.
Hopefully she gets a talking to and leaves you alone, although she really should be made to make an apology.

Maybe if it's something she can't help herself doing and is the type that has to cause drama she'll even get fed up at you not crumbling and move away.
She sounds a bit unhinged and needs pulling up on it.
Hopefully she hasn't caused any of her 'victims' lasting damage.

Perime · 19/04/2023 16:02

Yes, and others in the village should be careful of siding with her because there's always a 'next' person.

ThreeRingCircus · 19/04/2023 17:52

If she's got form for it then word will spread quickly and other people obviously have the measure of her if the tradesman was uncomfortable around her. Just carry on and hold your head high, do not hide away.... you've done nothing wrong.

Bluekerfuffle · 19/04/2023 18:13

ReformedWaywardTeen · 18/04/2023 14:48

@Highfivemum may I ask, do you some sort of local WhatsApp group or social media group? Because personally I would address this head on and would say I have no idea who this individual is, I met my DH at this school, we are 4 years different to the last in question and she has me mistaken for someone else. Do you have access to old class or school photos? Because I would quite literally take copies to her door and post them warning her to stop of you will seek legal advice as she is slandering you and threatening behaviour. I would also see if Police know her for having form for this unhinged behaviour. Who moves to an area and behaves like this?

I sympathize because in 2007 DH and I moved to a totally new area, 3 hours from my home town. I'd been there once to meet DHs family but never before that.

In 2009, I joined a mums group with the DCs and a lady there said she thought my face was familiar. I said it was doubtful unless she was from my hometown, she wasn't.

She then told another mum she knew me from school, at sixth form and apparently I was known as a right slapper and had eventually gone to prison for drug dealing.

It was utterly ridiculous and she wouldn't have even been in my year group. I collared her on it and told her in front of the rest of the mums that she better apologise and admit she was wrong or I would ask the group owner to remove her. She tried to wiggle out of it that I "definitely" looked like the person. It didn't matter there name was entirely different either.

That was sorted after that. Bullies like that need to be told, not aggressively, but forcefully. Stand your ground. And so walk your dogs as normal but film her if she does it again.

I would do this if it was me. Put something in the local fb page making it clear you are not who this woman is accusing you of being. From experience in issues with neighbours who wrongly blamed us for something, keeping quiet doesn’t resolve anything. Would also think the vicar could do a bit more about addressing it directly with this woman.

MrsDoylesDoily · 19/04/2023 18:29

Not being too outing but the person has previous for this behaviour as does her DH

If they've both got form for this remarkably strange behaviour, it really does sound like a mental health issue.

jputthekettleon · 19/04/2023 18:43

That’s so bizarre that they are both at it… I can’t fathom the motivation .. hope you are okay OP

UpsyDaisy352 · 19/04/2023 18:45

Highfivemum · 19/04/2023 15:32

Thank you all for your words.
spoke to someone today. Not being too outing but the person has previous for this behaviour as does her DH .
still nothing from the police

As horrible as it is for whoever she did it to before, thank god it happened because it’s gonna help you in the end. Prior reports only add more fuel to your story, and take away from whatever bizarre claims she has. It’ll also make it easier for you to get a no contact order in place if she doesn’t stop.

Emotionalsupportviper · 19/04/2023 19:56

Kennykenkencat · 18/04/2023 21:58

I am not Christian so am unfamiliar with the story but the way you explain it makes it sound like Highfivemum is unhinged woman’s bully and no one has recognised her.

Show quote history

No - you can turn it round to say that they were convinced that Jesus was just another traveller going along the road and then found that they were wrong despite the fact that they had walked with him for several miles and spoken to him all the way. If someone had said to them - that's not a camel driver/ donkey salesman/ random pilgrim at a ll. It's someone totally different. They would have insisted that they might not know who he was, but they certainly knew who he wasn't and they should know - they've travelled umpteen miles with him.

You could mention (probably before, but could be after the "not recognising" story) how often we think we know someone - are convinced that we do - and then find that we are totally wrong etc . . . and how easy it is to make such a ,mistake. Well the disciples did it the other way round etc.

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