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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/04/2023 10:38

lemonchiffonpie · 18/04/2023 09:59

Of course mention it to the teacher. I hope this is all resolved soon. Awful.

This.

Of course you should alert your son's teacher.

Also, go with your brother, a potential witness if you were to meet her.

Ginburee · 18/04/2023 10:57

I would email the office and ask the head and staff to be informed in case there are any issues. In case she does turn up at pick up and kick off they have the heads up (see what I did there!).

Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 12:26

Thank you all. I have just called the school. The secretary will be informing the head and also class teacher and playground lady. My DB has had to go to work now so will be attempting a dog walk.

OP posts:
saraclara · 18/04/2023 12:35

That's good, @Highfivemum . Hopefully there won't be any issues in school, but it's always best to have them aware.

UpsyDaisy352 · 18/04/2023 14:38

Ah bless, to think she have you so up the wall you have to do all this. Mental how people just pick someone to torment and treat it like NBD.

Keep your chin up! You’ll get through this in the end!

ReformedWaywardTeen · 18/04/2023 14:48

@Highfivemum may I ask, do you some sort of local WhatsApp group or social media group? Because personally I would address this head on and would say I have no idea who this individual is, I met my DH at this school, we are 4 years different to the last in question and she has me mistaken for someone else. Do you have access to old class or school photos? Because I would quite literally take copies to her door and post them warning her to stop of you will seek legal advice as she is slandering you and threatening behaviour. I would also see if Police know her for having form for this unhinged behaviour. Who moves to an area and behaves like this?

I sympathize because in 2007 DH and I moved to a totally new area, 3 hours from my home town. I'd been there once to meet DHs family but never before that.

In 2009, I joined a mums group with the DCs and a lady there said she thought my face was familiar. I said it was doubtful unless she was from my hometown, she wasn't.

She then told another mum she knew me from school, at sixth form and apparently I was known as a right slapper and had eventually gone to prison for drug dealing.

It was utterly ridiculous and she wouldn't have even been in my year group. I collared her on it and told her in front of the rest of the mums that she better apologise and admit she was wrong or I would ask the group owner to remove her. She tried to wiggle out of it that I "definitely" looked like the person. It didn't matter there name was entirely different either.

That was sorted after that. Bullies like that need to be told, not aggressively, but forcefully. Stand your ground. And so walk your dogs as normal but film her if she does it again.

BrimFullOfAsher · 18/04/2023 15:07

Presumably when you were correcting her initially you pointed out which school you attended and that you went to school 4 years later than her?

Giletjaune · 18/04/2023 16:00

I wouldn’t give her the precise school details in case she changes her story to match!

Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 16:05

BrimFullOfAsher · 18/04/2023 15:07

Presumably when you were correcting her initially you pointed out which school you attended and that you went to school 4 years later than her?

I tried to reason with her yesterday but she shouted over me louder and louder. Literally screaming so no intention of trying to now reason with her

OP posts:
whowhatwerewhy · 18/04/2023 16:08

You need to carry on your life as normal.
Maybe the vicar can talk to her , welcome her to the parish , say he's herd some disturbing rumours and believes she has mistaken you for someone else . She might disclose " she bullied me at x school " he could then set her straight that you went to y school.

Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 16:09

So dog walk was uneventful but I did bump into a chap who did some work on our gutters last year. Of course he knew all about it as she had asked him round for a quote and told him ! Apparently she asked him did he know who lived in the white cottage ( me). When he said yes he did she then launched into a bit of a rant. He needs to stay away from me as I am evil etc. He gave her a really high quote as he said he is reluctant to do work for her and couldn’t wait to leave her house.
I have not heard from the police as yet

OP posts:
8misskitty8 · 18/04/2023 16:13

Try phoning 101 again to follow up your email. I would add to it that this person is now spreading malicious lies to anyone she thinks knows you. As well as the verbal abuse on your child from her.
It’s now harassment.
Do you know her name ? Maybe do a check on social media or google.

Failingatl1fe · 18/04/2023 16:20

@Highfivemum She sounds deranged, as other posters have said I would follow up with the police, as it doesn’t sound like this woman is going to stop talking about you l, until she is made too! Hope you’re ok!

Badgerandfox227 · 18/04/2023 16:23

How horrible for you, she definitely doesn’t sound like she’s the full ticket.

arkmatter · 18/04/2023 16:24

Give up on talking to this woman, it won't matter what you say. She is attention seeking and creating drama to assuage her mental problems. You really need the community police. If it wasn't that "she recognises you from school" it would be some other made up stuff. She may have a husband and even children but they will always support her. The reason police are better than desist letters is you have to pay solicitors for writing letters and harassment through the courts is a civil matter and very difficult and expensive to proof. Verbal harassment causing slander, and distress is a criminal offence, and can be more easily taken further. The person concerned can end up with a police record and also disputes have to be declared on selling. Please use your phone to record her and have witnesses. You have to make sure that she knows that you are not going to be her target or there are consequences for her. It can also be a kind of bullying that some people get pleasure from seeing your upset if they have a disturbed mentality.

ArcaneWireless · 18/04/2023 16:31

Reminds me on my colleague.

Nip it now. Don’t rely on well-meaning people to make it better, easier, sort it amicably, whatever.

It could be that she isn’t well and it could be she needs her nasty arse kicking from here to the moon.

But given that she is now chatting shit about you to relative strangers, it needs to stop.

It is harassment. It is malicious. And the sooner you really nip it the better.

CherryCokeFanatic · 18/04/2023 16:49

Maybe she wants you to move away so she can get your white cottage

Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 17:05

CherryCokeFanatic · 18/04/2023 16:49

Maybe she wants you to move away so she can get your white cottage

She is welcome to a swap. Mine is a money pit at moment, she has a fabulous barn conversion

OP posts:
UpsyDaisy352 · 18/04/2023 17:15

Stay away from you because you’re “evil”? What is this, Salem 1692???

She’s bonkers, but at least you know from the mums at school and from this lad that everyone is getting wind to her delusion

Giletjaune · 18/04/2023 17:34

Any way of finding out discreetly where she used to live as I bet her old neighbours have more than a few tales about her!

RampantIvy · 18/04/2023 17:38

He gave her a really high quote as he said he is reluctant to do work for her and couldn’t wait to leave her house.

He sounds like he has the measure of her. I hope you told him that you had never met her before she moved into the village.

RampantIvy · 18/04/2023 17:38

I hope you have CCTV as she now knows which is your house.

Noodlehen · 18/04/2023 17:43

This is the craziest story, this is one that I actually hope is picked up by the press so that she may read it and realise how deluded she is!

pickledandpuzzled · 18/04/2023 17:45

Highfivemum · 18/04/2023 16:09

So dog walk was uneventful but I did bump into a chap who did some work on our gutters last year. Of course he knew all about it as she had asked him round for a quote and told him ! Apparently she asked him did he know who lived in the white cottage ( me). When he said yes he did she then launched into a bit of a rant. He needs to stay away from me as I am evil etc. He gave her a really high quote as he said he is reluctant to do work for her and couldn’t wait to leave her house.
I have not heard from the police as yet

Was he walking a dog? I'd try and get company when you can, just until it dies down.

Ginburee · 18/04/2023 18:06

That is nuts, she claims to know who you are and yet asked a tradesman details.
She may realise she is wrong and that is why she is questioning but I doubt it as she was rude about you.
I went through years of harassment with a neighbour that is ongoing and my heart goes out to you.