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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
aveline161 · 20/04/2023 17:37

Thanks for keeping us updated OP

SpringLobelia · 20/04/2023 17:38

No, she's told this other woman that she used to work with this other woman. And she has not.

I agree that she should not be allowed to step foot over your threshold.She is sadly very ill and erratic and you need to protect yourself.

SpringLobelia · 20/04/2023 17:39

I know it has been said but do keep records of everything. It may escalate and you need damning and convincing evidence of harrassment.

Very best of luck.

Daleksatemyshed · 20/04/2023 17:42

Don't let her in the house Op, best not to be alone with her just incase. Hopefully she'll move on to someone else soon and everyone will see what she's like
..

saraclara · 20/04/2023 17:43

SpringLobelia · 20/04/2023 17:38

No, she's told this other woman that she used to work with this other woman. And she has not.

I agree that she should not be allowed to step foot over your threshold.She is sadly very ill and erratic and you need to protect yourself.

Stupid of me. I don't know how I misread that. Thanks for clarifying.

Rinoachicken · 20/04/2023 17:47

Do you have a ring doorbell OP? If not - time to get one I think

Nounoufgs · 20/04/2023 17:52

She sounds like a troll

ArcaneWireless · 20/04/2023 18:19

I’d not be taking her up on the offer to discuss it further. You owe her nowt.

I feel sad that she is clarting herself in the drama because that is not the action of a happy well adjusted person.

That said, even if she is unhappy or unwell, that never gives someone the right to involve others. Especially strangers.

Her drama doesn’t have to be yours. Even though she is trying to sook you right back into it.

Big fat grey rock and leave it with the police.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 20/04/2023 18:20

Rinoachicken · 20/04/2023 17:47

Do you have a ring doorbell OP? If not - time to get one I think

DH order one. Arriving tomorrow

OP posts:
SpringLobelia · 20/04/2023 18:30

saraclara · 20/04/2023 17:43

Stupid of me. I don't know how I misread that. Thanks for clarifying.

Show quote history

Not stupid to misread!! Thanks

Dwrcegin · 20/04/2023 20:02

OP even with the ring doorbell, please don't consider answering the door to this woman.

PuddlesPityParty · 20/04/2023 20:28

Highfivemum · 20/04/2023 18:20

DH order one. Arriving tomorrow

Show quote history

Very sensible!

changeme4this · 20/04/2023 21:15

I wonder if this is why they moved from their last place..

Crumpleton · 20/04/2023 21:17

Noodlehen · 20/04/2023 16:52

I wonder if the police have contacted her and that’s why she’s posted the note through your door. This genuinely sounds like a Netflix special

This was my first thought.

I'd still give her a wide birth though.
If you do decide to meet up is there a Cafè or somewhere that other people will be around.
Of course don't forget take a friend or your DH too.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/04/2023 04:37

Definitely avoid until the police advise otherwise and don't answer the door to her until you have the Ring doorbell in place (and still, not unless someone else is home).

If you see her out and about, turn and go the other way for now, she may well say you're rude or whatever but she's going to invent stuff whatever you do, so avoidance is the best policy.

It does sound as if she has serious mental health issues and is now moving on to other people, which doesn't mean she won't come back to you - but does mean the other local people are likely to see very quickly what she is like!

whowhatwerewhy · 21/04/2023 06:26

I wouldn't be meeting with her , but should she approach you I would simply say your glad she's admitted her mistake but can she please now leave you alone you don't want to discuss it further, you are not the person she thought you were and has caused you and your family upset.

Rosejasmine · 21/04/2023 06:41

I think police involvement will stop the harassment. It’s so bizarre that it’s both of them as the fact she’s already moving on to somebody else with an ‘I know you’ sounds like paranoia rather than bullying for the sake of it. Her dh might support or put up with her behaviour out of fear or for a quieter life but police stepping in changes that.
I was wondering if she has some form of early onset dementia or something because it’s so abnormal, obvious and traceable - nothing clever or subtle that would allow tracks to be covered.
I’ve read your posts with horror and feel for you, but I believe the police will help you and at some point doctors will be involved, and you are right not to engage further with them at all.

Newestname002 · 21/04/2023 08:44

If you see her out and about, turn and go the other way for now, she may well say you're rude or whatever but she's going to invent stuff whatever you do, so avoidance is the best policy.

Perhaps also consider wearing a body camera for when you are out and about. May seem a little extreme but would provide proof of her actions if needed if this situation continues. 🌹

Spanglemum · 21/04/2023 08:48

See what police say but if you do decide to meet her do so somewhere public and take a friend or the vicar.

HorribleNecktie · 21/04/2023 11:42

I agree with the others, do not engage or let her in your house.

It sounds like you have been really sensible so far with how you’ve handled this. You are not feeding her drama and making sure the police know what she is doing so that they have a record. Please speak further with the other mum she has seemingly targeted and advise her to do the same.

Giletjaune · 21/04/2023 13:35

It feels like an episode of “This Country” with the Vicar called on to mediate!

At least the rest of the village will come to the realisation that she’s the one causing all the drama!

Stressedafff · 21/04/2023 16:09

She seems absolutely batshit mental

I wouldn’t even acknowledge her if you see her out and about, just ignore, pretend she doesn’t exist. If she starts kicking off then she’ll show herself to be fucking crackers. I’m glad the police are taking you seriously OP, it sounds like The Watcher!

mistlethrush · 21/04/2023 16:33

Some people are not aware of what it's like to live in a village where everyone knows everyone else's business from some of the comments on the thread.

Glad you've got the police involved, definitely do not agree to her coming to your home.

I hope things improve and she moves out of the village soon!

CherryCokeFanatic · 21/04/2023 19:25

Any update OP?

T1Dmama · 22/04/2023 13:37

I would tell everyone possible in the village that you know, that this lady is mistaken, I’d be empathetic and say ‘I feel so bad that I remind her of someone who clearly caused her trauma’… and ask their advice.. after a while they’ll all be sympathising saying ‘I feel sorry for OP, this new lady believes her to be someone she isn’t.

I’d make it very clear to her next time you see her, maybe say to her ‘I’m really sorry I remind you of someone from your past, they say we all have double gangers!… but I assure you I’ve never been at any of your schools before and have no reason to lie about my past!

Id make it very clear to all the village groups too that she’s mistaken you as someone else and you’ve tried your best to tell her she’s mistaken but she’s insistent that you’re lying rather than she’s mistaken! She does indeed sound unhinged but don’t voice that opinion to anyone, just keep sounding like you feel sorry for her

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