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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help settle this minor disagreement involving bed sharing protocol

191 replies

LimitIsUp · 16/04/2023 09:43

Husband and I usually sleep separately (less disruption, better sleep) but had to share a super king size bed for a few nights recently. Last night I was woken up twice due to his hand being on my pillow inches from my face - I woke him up on both occasions and asked him to move his hand and he angrily ranted on both occasions about how selfish I am, and that he wouldn't wake me if I disturbed him.

So, would you wake your partner if his hand had flopped on to your pillow? I flip my pillow over during the night when one side gets too warm so I wouldn't have been able to do that with his hand resting on it

OP posts:
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 17/04/2023 13:44

My partner is a sleeping creeper - he gets closer and closer to my side through the night until his whole body is in my half and I'm hanging off the edge. Then I get up and go round to his side, which is lovely and empty 😆

I would have just moved his hand or flipped my pillow over rather than wake him up - I would feel like I was being told off if my partner did that, and he didn't do it on purpose. If he woke up while I did so then that would not make me feel bad, but I wouldn't wake h9im on purpose.

Curiosity101 · 17/04/2023 13:47

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 17/04/2023 13:44

My partner is a sleeping creeper - he gets closer and closer to my side through the night until his whole body is in my half and I'm hanging off the edge. Then I get up and go round to his side, which is lovely and empty 😆

I would have just moved his hand or flipped my pillow over rather than wake him up - I would feel like I was being told off if my partner did that, and he didn't do it on purpose. If he woke up while I did so then that would not make me feel bad, but I wouldn't wake h9im on purpose.

Genuinely don't know how you sleep on the wrong side. I tried laying on my husband's side once and it felt wrong and the pillow smelt weird (not necessarily bad, but weird/wrong). I couldn't settle at all.

Lcb123 · 17/04/2023 13:49

It’s not ‘manspreading’ it’s sleeping. Just move the pillow or the hand. I nudge DH all the time when he’s snoring and he rarely wakes.

WeWereInParis · 17/04/2023 14:08

So, would you wake your partner if his hand had flopped on to your pillow?

No, I would move his hand.

FrustratedMumofBoys · 17/04/2023 14:11

There is absolutely nothing neat or compact about how I sleep! I fairly often need to be nudged back to my side or encouraged to roll over if I'm snoring or even gently woken because I'm dreaming and talking in my sleep. In fact, only the night before last I screamed and sat bolt upright in my sleep! My husband still quite happily shares a bed with me. Occasionally he snores to and I have to nudge him to roll him over so he's not snoring in my ear. It's life. I don't think either of us hold each other to account for what we do in our sleep. Certainly don't argue over it!! If I'm sharing with someone else (occasionally stay with my mum) I sleep a lot lighter and am conscious that I don't disturb their sleep, but go home knackered! I couldn't get through life day to day not risking falling in to a deep sleep next to the man I married!

TrippinEdBalls · 17/04/2023 14:13

LimitIsUp · 17/04/2023 13:04

🙄 Well it's lasted 24 years so far and still going strong. How long have you been married?

Some posters just revel in making idiotic comments 🤷‍♀️

12 years, so now I'm alarmed for the future - when do you think I'll starting hating him so much that I'll resent and blame him for moving his hand in his sleep? When did that happen for you?

happyumwelt · 17/04/2023 14:18

I don't think YABU OP.

Over twenty odd years of bed sharing my dh has: whacked me over the head really hard; kicked me; stuck his knees in my back; stuck his elbow in my back, rolled over so he was completely on top of me; flung his arm or leg over me and become like a dead weight; thrown the covers off onto me on hot nights and THEN stuck his leg over me so I can't escape; thought I was dead in the middle of the night and shook me away in a panic (assuming he was semi-dreaming); rolled onto my pillow and snored in my face...plus plenty of general snoring, wriggling, farting, getting up multiple times to do a loud pee with the door open and the light on, etc, etc.

We are in separate rooms at the moment (for reasons not related to the above) and he has been talking about how much he misses sharing a bed with me. Funnily enough I don't miss him at all.

literalviolence · 17/04/2023 14:35

Mazietops · 16/04/2023 23:28

Well a shake is multiple shoves I’d never do anything as abusive as shake someone in their sleep. Monster 😂😂

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Oh I see. You've refined shove to mean something gentle then, I.e. not a shove. Right then.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 17/04/2023 14:42

Curiosity101 · 17/04/2023 13:47

Genuinely don't know how you sleep on the wrong side. I tried laying on my husband's side once and it felt wrong and the pillow smelt weird (not necessarily bad, but weird/wrong). I couldn't settle at all.

Show quote history

I've had two non-sleeping children and have had only a handful of nights unbroken sleep in 6 years. Given the opportunity I could sleep on a fucking washing line 😂

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 17/04/2023 14:44

happyumwelt · 17/04/2023 14:18

I don't think YABU OP.

Over twenty odd years of bed sharing my dh has: whacked me over the head really hard; kicked me; stuck his knees in my back; stuck his elbow in my back, rolled over so he was completely on top of me; flung his arm or leg over me and become like a dead weight; thrown the covers off onto me on hot nights and THEN stuck his leg over me so I can't escape; thought I was dead in the middle of the night and shook me away in a panic (assuming he was semi-dreaming); rolled onto my pillow and snored in my face...plus plenty of general snoring, wriggling, farting, getting up multiple times to do a loud pee with the door open and the light on, etc, etc.

We are in separate rooms at the moment (for reasons not related to the above) and he has been talking about how much he misses sharing a bed with me. Funnily enough I don't miss him at all.

my partner once woke me up by hitting me in the face because he dreamt he was being attacked by a giant bat 😂The pleasure and peril of sharing a bed!

Original poster
LimitIsUp · 17/04/2023 15:10

@TrippinEdBalls - you clearly have issues and I am not interesting in engaging further

OP posts:
Original poster
LimitIsUp · 17/04/2023 15:13

happyumwelt · 17/04/2023 14:18

I don't think YABU OP.

Over twenty odd years of bed sharing my dh has: whacked me over the head really hard; kicked me; stuck his knees in my back; stuck his elbow in my back, rolled over so he was completely on top of me; flung his arm or leg over me and become like a dead weight; thrown the covers off onto me on hot nights and THEN stuck his leg over me so I can't escape; thought I was dead in the middle of the night and shook me away in a panic (assuming he was semi-dreaming); rolled onto my pillow and snored in my face...plus plenty of general snoring, wriggling, farting, getting up multiple times to do a loud pee with the door open and the light on, etc, etc.

We are in separate rooms at the moment (for reasons not related to the above) and he has been talking about how much he misses sharing a bed with me. Funnily enough I don't miss him at all.

Grin Shouldn't laugh - but good for you

OP posts:
flutterbyebaby · 17/04/2023 15:48

I seriously could not ever share a bed again, I really do like my own space too much. Cannot abide the thought of putting up with another body taking space up, moving, farting and all that goes with it

Coolhwip · 17/04/2023 21:37

TrippinEdBalls · 17/04/2023 14:13

12 years, so now I'm alarmed for the future - when do you think I'll starting hating him so much that I'll resent and blame him for moving his hand in his sleep? When did that happen for you?

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Poor bloke

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/04/2023 22:52

“Our pillows are far apart - his are on the far right and mine on the far left.”

Ah, OK. Well done you.

happyumwelt · 18/04/2023 06:29

LimitIsUp · 17/04/2023 15:13

Grin Shouldn't laugh - but good for you

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It's ok to laugh - I've been tittering about it since I posted the above and have thought of many more examples - too many to list!

People are surprisingly tolerant of sleep nonsense on mumsnet.

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