I probably abu but just feel stupid & hurt tbh.
I live in a now popular part of London (it wasn't always so, I moved her when it was a bit crap hence why I could afford it).
Like many parts of London there is lots of amazing primaries but only a few good secondaries which are very oversubscribed. I have/had a really good network of neighbours/school mum friends, our dc are really close & as families we have all spent a lot of time together over the yrs. A few times I have mooted moving away & I've always been strongly discouraged because "our dc will all go to school together", "you're part of the group" "it won't be the same" etc. I've wanted to move for more choice of schools & to free up income. One difference between me & the majority of the group is that we have similar earnings but they have a lot more family money behind them although I guess I didn't realise how much.
Secondary school chat has ramped up & it now transpires that from our group 4 are choosing private school (previously there has always been a negative view on private), one is moving out and is under offer & another one has been tutoring for months for a selective place. It leaves me & 1 other, although she is closer to the secondary & tbh her dd is so bright that she could likely get a place at most schools without too much effort. It feels like the other 6 has discussed all this without us as this all came out in a recent chat. 2 were like "why don't you look at private", "ask family to help". There is no way we could afford private school for 2 dc. Of the 4 choosing it 3 have said gps have offered to help but our gps aren't in that position at all which they don't seem to understand. I guess I feel stupid for thinking we were really all friends & for believing that our dc would actually go to school together. I also feel like an idiot for not looking at tuition or going through with a move.