To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

Anyone else think this is a post deliberately trying to manipulate people into thinking food banks and being abused? Talk of wanting a parcel when having savings, not being happy with the items and feeling entitled to specific (presumably expensive) items.

I thought you need an actual referral to use a food bank? (from a GP, social worker, Citizen Advice Bureau...) so that they had confirmation of genuine need?

• OP if you have say £50 left in the bank to last you two weeks of course you should use them...
• If you are simply trying to get free food to avoid spending your savings then YABU.

@Greenfairydust I think this is something where a lot of people don't realise there are "Food Banks" (you need a referral) and various versions of "Community Fridges" which can be for anyone and are often more about distributing leftover/unsold food .
There are also usually local charities that run differently to official food banks. For example in my parents home town a chap runs a charity that provides food parcels but his is a mix of donated food and cash donations so if someone will only eat Birdseye Fish Fingers he will use the cash to go and purchase them.
He is one of several community charities.(or just people who do it out of their own time and aren't a registered charity) in that town - population about 70 thousand so not a huge town.
I think where the OP went wrong was she went to the "wrong" type of food bank.

Spend £80 on satisfying your DC's needs and be grateful you've got food you can eat

Possibly they’ve not understood properly that it’s not you being picky, but that your children have an eating disorder . Were you referred by your GP or other health provider ?

The OP initially gave the impression that she had quite a lot of money in a savings account. People were telling her that the odd £50 put away was fine, but if it was a lot of money she was being unreasonable. She eventually advised that it’s £80 and it’s not savings, but money in a dedicated budget account from which DDs for bills are taken. Despite that, she still being criticised and some posters are actually advising her to take out loans and get herself into debt on the strength of benefit back pay which she may or may not get, depending on whether her claim is successful !!

The OP has got a referral to the foodbank, but it sounds as though it’s via benefits, and she’s assumed that because she’s allowed to have savings to claim benefits, the same is true for food bank use. When she disclosed savings to the food bank they refused to help. She’s now clarified and they’ve offered help. The issue now is that after confirming that items were available which were suitable for her DCs eating disorders, the items they promised didn’t materialise. I’m beginning to think something is amiss here.

@BelleMarionette I agree. Something is off with the OP posts, and suspect this will be in the Daily Fail before long. More “evidence” to bash people on benefits just because the OP is either not genuine or really this entitled.

I did feel for the OP initially, if this was genuine then the situation must be worrying, but the updates from contact with the food bank (with an actual list!) onwards are not on.

I don’t think it’s a case of entitlement. The OP doesn’t seem to have explained herself very well to the foodbank to start with, which presumably is why she was refused help. The issue now is that the items she discussed as suitable for her DCs eating disorder, and was promised, didn’t materialise. If it’s not a wind up, then at the very least there does seem to be a communication problem doesn’t there ?

Obvious to many posters from the get go.
Disgusting. Especially as it is clear genuinely lovely people are trying to help.

100%

When the OP said she had been refused help, I thought it was just a misunderstanding and she hadn’t explained properly about her DCs eating disorders. Not sure what to think now. What I do think is that, genuine or not, as you say, she’s not doing other benefit claimants any good if the Daily Fail does pick up on it. If she’s genuine, it doesn’t sound as though she’s explaining herself properly to the food bank because if they had items available to suit the eating disorder, surely they would have let her have them.

We still don't know if she has another bank account (if this is even real).

Tbh I don't think anyone would ask for help from a food bank unless they really needed it and the only CF are a lot of the people in this post. OP I'm glad the food bank is helping you, you are the literal opposite of a CF. I'm sorry you've had to read some of these nasty replies. If I were you, I would abandon the thread and forget about it, you have enough on your plate

She posted at 10.17 yesterday and confirmed that they have no savings - only the £80 in the DD account. Which, presumably is there to pay bills.

She is doing genuinely desperate people the most awful diservice.
She is also laughing at you.

If it hadn’t been for the latest post saying that the food offered wasn’t suitable, I would agree with you 100%. But something is off here - the food bank initially refused, then they offered to accommodate her DC’s eating disorders, then the items they promised didn’t materialise. Either she’s not explaining her DC’s medical needs properly, or the food bank staff have limited experience of eating disorders and think she’s just picky. Or it’s a wind up designed to bash benefit claimants as entitled and feckless. Can’t make up my mind and am waiting for her next post with bated breath !!

Anyone got a subscription to the Daily Fail ? Totally understand if no one wants to admit to it !!!

Someone earlier suggested you work evenings. There must be a pub or working men’s club near you that need someone. Or McDonald’s or carework? They’d only be minimum wage but it adds up and would give your family a bit of independence, as the charity you’ve been shown wasn’t good enough for you.

I think it is very important to say we KNOW this is going to be in the Daily Mail and we KNOW exactly what they are doing.

Or the OP is genuinely a thick, entitled, workshy idiot survivng on benefits with a mumsnet account and internet.

And TBF we don't have the side of the story from the food bank staff.

Wow, I can't believe I got so much grief for questioning the lengths that some parents go to to cater to their kids' food aversions, when it's open season on the OP! FWIW I wouldn't judge someone with £80 to their name and multiple complex needs for going to the food bank.

So you do not see what is going on here? Well, good for you, I mean that genuinely.

Poor food bank staff, indeed.

The OP’s DH had to give up his business because of MH problems, they’ve gone from a decent income to trying to make benefits stretch, have two disabled children with expensive eating disorders, for whom they have to appeal a DLA decision, and are trying to navigate a system of benefits and food banks which are clearly alien to them. I wouldn’t imagine many people would choose that to be honest.

That’s very unfair, as we don’t know her DH’s mental health condition or how serious it is - he may not be capable of childcare if he’s having treatment for it. And she didn’t say the ‘charity’ wasn’t good enough - she said she was promised items suitable for her DCs after explaining their eating disorders, and those items didn’t materialise.

I’ve read the whole thread thanks, and it wasn’t a case of not being happy with what the food bank offered. She was promised items suitable for her DC’s eating disorders and they didn’t materialise. The way I read it, the person she spoke to confirmed that they were available and would be supplied, and for some reason they weren’t. Not saying she’s entirely right to be so put out, given the nature of foodbanks, but if she’s under a lot of pressure and trying to navigate an unfamiliar benefits system, it’s understandable.