To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

I feel like some people are being unfair. If you’re claiming benefits I’m assuming you have no savings and no other source of income. Some peoples replies read like you have £10k in the bank which I’m sure isn’t the case.

Asda essentials, bread, pasta, beans etc. A tenner will go far.

How much money do you actually have in the bank?

It's not that, it's her attitude towards it. You can't use a food bank as a means to save your own money. They only have a limited supply and you're taking from people who have nothing.

They are not unreasonable, foodbanks are for people who have no money for food. Have you tried too good to go? A colleague uses it a fair amount, Morrisons give away big boxes of stuff for a few pounds, she also got a great haul from a local bakery, £3 she got 4 meal size pasties (lives alone so 3 went in the freezer), 3 loaves, 2 packs of rolls, some doughnuts and other sweet things.

before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s.

Well food should clearly come before almost all these things and you’ve only cut some out because it has a noticeable effect on your DC? Really?
YABU to think you should be able to spend money on days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons etc by not paying for food and using a food bank. Food banks are for those who can’t feed their families. Not so you can make your own money last longer.

My area is similar, food banks for people who only have pennies left and community food hubs for everyone.

The Community Food Hubs get the products that are past their 'best before date' and other things supermarkets can't sell so huge bottles of fabric conditioner for £1 instead of £10, if its past the Use by date then it's free and most things in reality are good for a day or two after bread etc. My parents use one and I went to look around with my mum but felt uncomfortable (although did buy a tub of twiglets for 25p as I'm a bit addicted) as I am financially a lot better off than others on my estate and don't feel I need it (yet) but it's a fantastic environmentally friendly initiative.

Could you do a night job 2 nights a week to bring in some money OP? Is your DH well enough to watch DC while you work part time?

Food banks have to operate like this other wise everyone would be going saying similar to you!

Of course if u have money u use that b4 using a food bank, shocked u though u were in the right.

we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further

That's not really how it works. If you can still afford to buy food in the here and now then you don't need food from a food bank. Surely you appreciate that there are people who have no other options, whose needs should be prioritised over yours?

I see what you’re coming from. But maybe I read the op slightly different? For example, if her children have additional needs, they may have medical appointments in the coming weeks. Op may be thinking she needs to save bus fare for those. They may only eat one specific item for breakfast each day which may. It be available at a food bank, so she would need to budget for that. That’s the way I read it.
If she means “I want to keep 200 quid in the bank just in case I need it” well obviously that’s different.

Food banks are for emergencies only, when you literally cannot afford to buy food. Not to help you spread your money.

Ignoring the foodbanks,do your children receive DLA?
This can increase your income significantly as you might also receive extra tax credits / universal credit,and you could claim carer,s allowance ( which admittedly isn't a fortune but every penny help)

You weren’t wrong to ask, and they’re not wrong to have rules that prioritise the most in need. If you’ve money in the bank right now, you’re not most in need.

Now your DH is around more, can you get a job - are you applying?

I’ll wait to see if 1) the OP returns or and much more likely 2) the MNHQ message

Sorry you are in this position.

Yes, the expectation is that you use all your own money whilst you have it. Food banks will be feeding those with £zero to their names, most likely in serious debt too.

It must be a difficult and worrying time for you, understandably so.

As you husband is now not working and awaiting counselling are you able to go out and work yourself and let him be at home with the children for a while?

Thanks, that’s exactly what we mean

Not sure why all that extra stuff for the DC is essential. There are probably plenty of very poor kids with similar issues who don't get special toys etc. Doesn't make it any better but I think your definition of essential needs to change.

You need to get a job immediately, obviously.

in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable

The problem is, it’s not OK to be completely financially vulnerable in anyone’s situation. But tragically there are a lot of people in dire straits. If their need is greater than yours - because they have less - then that’s that.

I don't see the need to be quite so sharp with OP. Sounds like she us new to benefits and has suffered a huge drop in income. It's entirely reasonable she explores help available. Like her I had no idea that proof of absolute poverty was required. She only asked a question.

Google food pantries in your town. As I understand if, you can get 3 bags worth of shopping for 3.50!

@AreweCf you do claim DLA and carers don't you?
If not put in a claim ASAP.

Are you receiving DLA for your children OP? Middle rate is £68/week and higher is £100 (for the care component) so you really should be in receipt of higher rate if your children's needs are as high as you say.

Could you pause some of the interventions until your husband finds a new job?