To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

No thanks. If op needs to buy extremely expensive food then she should spend the £80 on that. Presumably a food bank wouldn’t be much help in that case anyway.

Indeed, but working in welfare rights I hear that from a lot of clients, and 50% of the time, they aren't.

There seems to be no consistency at the DWP with regard to starting the work capability assessment process, and people often don't know that they can simply request a form UC50 and start it themselves.

Ever stop to think that maybe she’s struggling to source food that her DC will eat and will need the food bank to feed herself and DH ? Seriously, read the posts. Or are you another who thinks she should take the £80 out of an account meant to fund bills, blow it on food and get herself into debt before she relies on the food bank ?

This is true. When OP posted that they were claiming everything they were entitled to I took it as read that they had done this for her DH because it sounds like a serious MH condition.

As another example, my DS recently left his special school which is 12.4 miles one way. As it was over 3 miles, he was entitled to have a taxi take and collect him. However, due to his autistic sensory difficulties with smells along with other things such as noise, as well as having GAD, he was unable to take the taxi. Instead, the county paid me per mile to drive him myself for 5 years.

So I drove 50 miles a day and so couldn’t work either. By the time I got home, it was only 4hrs 30 until I had to go and collect him. Also, on multiple days, he would school refuse/be unable to attend and so again, working was out of the question.

So many people giving the @AreweCf a completely unnecessary hard time!

Just how many assumptions are you going to make ? She’s already been turned down for child DLA and is having to appeal, so it’s not as straightforward as you would have everyone believe to convince decision makers that your disabled child has significantly more needs than a child without the condition. Have you any idea how difficult and stressful that is ? And where did you get the idea that her DH is suffering from severe depression ? OP hasn’t said anything other than it’s a MH condition, so another assumption on your part. Even if he did, PIP isn’t a foregone conclusion for MH conditions without secondary, consultant led input. Just because you didn’t have much of a problem getting PIP doesn’t mean it’s a breeze for everyone. I’ve volunteered my time with a disability organisation helping with benefit applications including PIP and child DLA, and they are both very difficult to claim. And you seem to be obsessed with advising the OP she should get herself into even more of a predicament by getting into debt before she resorts to a food bank. My relative works in our local foodbank and I’ve just asked her opinion on this. She says they would never turn away anyone in the OP’s position and would never, ever, advocate getting into debt or trying to secure loans before turning to a food bank. Overdrafts and grants are not meant to finance day to day expenses because you can’t make ends meet, any more than credit cards are. And relying on the hope that you may get a benefit back payment to pay them off is even worse, and you are horribly irresponsible for encouraging anyone to do this, let alone someone in the position the OP finds herself in.

Update
I contacted the food bank earlier today and explained the situation again. They understood and offered to give me a box for all of us, and asked me which items were ok, one by one they said they’ve got them and would put them in for us, I felt so relieved! We got the parcel soon after and it literally didn’t include anything we’d specified, and mostly included items we’d said not to add because we don’t eat them. Thought it was a mistake at first so rang and no answer when we finally got through it was the same woman who sounded irate and said it’s not for our weekly shop and suggested we try them because there’s nothing they can do, but if not we can return them. I’m guessing they’re a mumsnet user.

It’s much more common that you think - the form filling challenge for a start! It has to be completed in a very specifically worded way - with as much evidence as you can get and be very focussed on the extra time you take caring for that person ….and many parents sadly underplay just how much extra care they have to give. You have to complete it as if you’re talking about the child’s worst day, not their best day.

Somewhere early on in this thread, I did warn you that the contents of the box wouldn't be the sort of thing that anyone would actually choose to eat.

If you were expecting the kinds of things you'd choose if you were going round the supermarket, you were astonishingly naive.

Food bank boxes are about survival, not choices. I deal with this stuff every week. I wish our service users could get more pleasure out of the food they're provided with, but basically food banks can only give out what is donated. And it's mostly value level store cupboard stuff. Rice, pasta cereal, tins. Because that's what's donated and that's what the banks are able to store.

Agree. Child DLA is harder to claim because all children have care needs and you have to demonstrate clearly how your disabled childs’ needs and/or mobility issues are significantly higher than a non disabled child of similar age - and the difference has to relate to the disability. It sounds simple, but in practice DWP can and do reject claims for quite severely disabled children because they don’t meet the eligibility conditions when compared to a non disabled childs’ needs. PIP is also extremely difficult to claim for MH conditions too. If the claimant is being treated by GP or other primary care settings such as talking therapy, they likely won’t meet the eligibility conditions. I’ve seen appeals tribunals uphold DWP decisions on MH applications on the basis that they are not being seen by a psychiatrist or other MH specialist. It’s difficult, and it’s unfair.

Shouldn't you be a little grateful to have some food even if not what you wanted?

Can you and your DH not eat the food bank food?

Not sure why you and your DH cannot eat the food which was gifted you?

And sadly even masses of medical evidence can prove pointless, because if you have to go through a face to face assessment, the assessor has the last word unless the medical evidence speaks directly to the eligibility criteria. And most medical evidence is a basic description of the condition and physical effects which don’t address these criteria - detailed or tailored reports are expensive and in most cases DWP won’t request them. And without the level of detail claimants have to wait months for an appeal to get anything like a fair decision. It’s the same for PIP. Great way to treat our sick and disabled in the 21st century isn’t it ?

Sorry, if you need to use a food bank , you can’t pick and choose what you want , it doesn’t work like that regardless of your child’s problem. You need to get a job, there’s many many people in the same situation, you are no different than them!

We can, but I just don’t think it was very nice of them to say they they’d include the DC, go through specific items one by one, say they have them and would include them and then not do that?

It’s absolutely horrific how they treat disabled children.
I get that they have to assess but for them not to give better, specific guidance and support to actually help those families is cruel.

OP you’re kind of making the point for your detractors here !! Food bank can only give you what’s donated, so if what you have been given isn’t suitable for the childrens’ restricted diet, the only think you can do is use the contents of the box for yourself and DH, and try to source the childrens’ food elsewhere. Can you contact your GP and see if anything specialist can be prescribed to meet their needs while you get on your feet a little better ?

I genuinely can't believe what I am reading OP, what world do you live in?

When PIP was introduced a number of disability charity websites tried to give guidance to their members on how best to fill in the forms to give themselves the best chance of a successful claim. The then minister for work and pensions accused them of aiding and abetting cheating and tried to get them shut down. The moral of the story is, if you’re disabled vote Tory at your peril. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Food Banks can indeed only give out what they've been donated but it seems odd they gave the OP stuff she said not to include because they don't eat them.
Surely people must be able to say they don't eat specific things. There's no point giving meat/fish to people who don't eat it (vegetarian/vegan and for religious reasons) or a jar of peanut butter if they have a allergy or whatever.
To give out some food that the person has clearly said they don't eat is a waste. Waste of the volunteer pickers time, waste of the person collecting the parcel who might have to then return things time and a waste completely of the food if it ends up not eaten at all.

I've assisted with a fair few children's DLA forms in the past and never known any of them even have an assessment?

If OP had told them of allergies and they'd put thise things in the box, yes, she'd be absolutly entitled to complain.

But genuinely, I really do think that some people are unrealistic about the standard of the food that most foodbanks can give out. Its imsply isn't going to be stuff you'd choose for yourself. It's store cupboard value carbs, plus a bit of tinned fish or meat. And none of it good stuff I'm afraid.

I'm guessing someone above the woman you initially spoke to told her she had to make a standard parcel. Maybe they don't understand about restrictive eating disorders and think it's fussy eating. Can you use some of the £80 for the children's food? Try a community fridge/pantry in case they have the things you need?

OP, it must have been so frustrating to hear one thing on the phone, then have it not turn out so well in the end. I'm guessing the person you initially spoke to was different from the one you got when you called back. Sounds like a bit of an emotional roller coaster of a day, and I imagine reading this thread must be a bit like that too. Hope tomorrow is better, and that you can filter through this thread to find bits that are useful for your situation.