To think that my DH and I are growing apart due to political differences?

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DH and I met 15 years ago. We were both fairly liberal and centre in terms of politics and subsequent discussions were amicable. Fast forward all those years and he’s turned more to the right, whereas I’ve gone more to the left.

We differ now about almost everything: Brexit, refugees, unions and strikes. I feel that he’s become a real Tory bore to be honest. Has this happened to anyone else? Obviously we do try and be respectful of each other and have good debates about politics but fundamentally I feel that we aren’t as close as we once were. He’s a lot older than me too and he has become cynical, grumpy and argumentative whereas I’ve got a lot more energy and vitality to me. Sometimes I really crave a decent left wing professor to spend my evenings with. (Partly joking about that, but you get the gist)

I do think politics has changed since 2016 and we have all become more polarised.

I was always a leftie but more so now.

I think the "cynical, grumpy and agruementative" is a good enough reason to reassess your relationship.

You've got to be happy.

I agree about how polarised things are now.

You are right, though. It’s the behavioural things which grind me down the most.

Do you really need to argue about those things? Seems rather pointless, unless you're personally involved somehow.

Can you ban the topic of politics and see what you have left of your relationship?

DH and I do not know who each votes for/or talk about politics. We have plenty to talk about.

Brexit and refugees are pretty fundamental things not to agree on in a relationship

You sound very ageist as well, with your 'vitality'....

If you're both arguing from different political standpoints, why is he the bore and you not?

I don't know how that is possible with how shit everything has suddenly become

Married for 18 years and I've always had different 'party' politics from DH - him: Tory, Brexit, me: Labour, Remain. However, we often have the same outlook about issues that aren't clearly along Blue/Red lines.

We do argue sometimes. If he moans about anything at all, I am quick to ask why 'his' government doesn't do something about it.

It doesn't affect our abiding lurrrve for each other though 😁

Neither I or my husband have ever shared who we vote for and it has never caused a problem.
Find something else to tall about.

At a certain point these are not just political differences, they are ethical differences as well. Personally I could not be married to someone on a totally different wavelength in terms of ethics.

I happily would, but he just won’t drop it. Radio 4 is on for an hour in the mornings and he then embarks on a full rant/discussion.

He’s also the sort of person who simply can’t avoid talking about politics to anyone from visiting tradesmen to an evening meal with friends. Sometimes we are driving to an event with friends/family and I gently ask him to not talk about politics but as soon as we are there he brings things up.

I think another thing that really annoys me is that all of our families and the vast majority of friends seem to agree with him. Sometimes I sit at dinner parties feeling totally alone. I dread things like Easter meals and Christmas dinners now.

How much older than you is he?

My DH and I are mostly in alignment with our political views but definitely have differing opinions on some points. However, we can discuss these civilly, listen to the other’s arguments, perhaps learn something and, even if we don’t agree, we can generally respect the other person’s position. Sounds like it’s more a problem that your DH is grumpy and a bore rather than his political views per se.

He sounds like a pompous know it all

Have you considered that you may sound like a self congratulatory ‘progressive’ with a monopoly on morality. Like most lefties really. How does he feel about being patronised by this attitude?

Yes I agree. The ground shifted between us when Brexit was an issue.

I'm not sure the issue is him having different political views. The issue is him not listening when you say you don't want to talk about something and him bring grumpy and argumentative. That's not easy to live with even if your politics align

@sst1234 agreed. OP, you do sound rather self-congratulatory. I wonder what his side of the story is.

Apologies if this came across as ageist; I certainly did not mean any offence. I have always been a morning person and full of energy and he has not. I feel as though I’m a go getter and he isn’t. He was like this when he was my age, so it’s not an age thing I guess, but rather a mindset. 15 years between us.

I agree. I simply couldn't stay in a relationship with someone whose fundamental values were very different from mine.

15 years difference.

How is anyone NOT personally involved? How on earth can things that impact on local, national and global futures be "pointless"?

I didn't think you sounded ageist at all, I thought it was well known that people get more right wing the older they get, [not all obvs]