To think that my DH and I are growing apart due to political differences?

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

DH and I met 15 years ago. We were both fairly liberal and centre in terms of politics and subsequent discussions were amicable. Fast forward all those years and he’s turned more to the right, whereas I’ve gone more to the left.

We differ now about almost everything: Brexit, refugees, unions and strikes. I feel that he’s become a real Tory bore to be honest. Has this happened to anyone else? Obviously we do try and be respectful of each other and have good debates about politics but fundamentally I feel that we aren’t as close as we once were. He’s a lot older than me too and he has become cynical, grumpy and argumentative whereas I’ve got a lot more energy and vitality to me. Sometimes I really crave a decent left wing professor to spend my evenings with. (Partly joking about that, but you get the gist)

I agree.

But refugees, Brexit and other issues are very real. They aren't necessarily polarised by right/left but that can make them more toxic rather than less.

I don't mind that DH is more centrist than me on most things. If he was heartless towards human beings drowning, I wouldn't be with him.

I'm laughing sorry. seriously what fucking difference is it gonna make? absolutely none.
All parties are as bad as eachother. If you vote next election and he does too, it will make minimal difference.

"I think another thing that really annoys me is that all of our families and the vast majority of friends seem to agree with him. "

You're entitled to that viewpoint.

However it's not very respectful to laugh at others who don't share it.

@ilovesooty

Oh dear sorry.

She's explained how that affects her ability to feel comfortable in their company. You find that funny?

I think it can work if you have similar values and aims but disagree about how to achieve them. It doesn’t sound as if that’s you though, op. Sounds like you’ve grown apart.

I understand why you feeling this. My family are quite Brexit and anti refugee etc. I find it very annoying. I even get irritated at work when the talk turns to politics as some colleagues are typical wealthy tories.

But refugees, Brexit and other issues are very real. They aren't necessarily polarised by right/left but that can make them more toxic rather than less.

1. Refugees. Are they being housed next door? Are you anyhow involved in looking after them? If no - is there any meaning in your argument?

2. Brexit. The time to argue was during referendum. Now its done. There is no way back. Again - is there any meaning in your argument?

What else? Climate change? Donald Trump? Ukraine? Palestine?

Yeah. I do sooty. Or not funny. But if no one else agrees with you, none of you're family, friends, colleagues. Then that is unusual.

I don't have particularly strong views. I'm quite middle'ist. Everyone I know, Every single friend, colleague, everyone I know agrees with my views.

I think the issue is how extreme the Tory party have become and the damage they’ve caused. There are so many individual issues that I can’t begin to forgive them for, so if my husband was a cheerleader it’d be a major problem.

Our local Tory MP is a comparative centrist who has been a bit of a thorn in the side of the current cabinet at times, so I find myself more forgiving of Tories like that, but people enthusiastically cheering Boris etc on, no way.

And I think that’s the issue, it’s the extremity of it all, it’s so divisive, I know of families who have split through Brexit for example. It’s about morality, not just politics per se.

With all the tory-hating in the comments, what would leftie people do about the people coming over in boats, in a way that would be sustainable for the U.K., and not encourage loads more?

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters

I absolutely 100% KNEW before I opened this thread, that he would be the more Tory/right wing/Brexity one, and YOU would be the liberal leftie Remainer one. Totally saw it coming.

You sound WAY more judgemental and irksome than him to be honest. I feel sorry for him.

Op what left wing extreme views do you have? Versus his very right wing views. Give us an example.

You're right. Not feeling comfortable in the company of people with opposing political views is NOT funny. It's pathetic.

Because of course only older people are right wing. Sigh. More radical here the older I get...

Can you listen to a different channel - using my phone and speaker I listen to the World Service or Al Jezeera or Radio 3 etc

is there any meaning in your argument?

Do you understand how you come across? I've been an immigrant twice. Two of my friends were refugees, one recently.

You can argue that no one can make any difference but if everyone thought that, there would be no democracy.,

The polarity has increased. Vastly. So much so I’d really struggle to be with someone whose political viewpoints didn’t even slightly align with my own.

Y argue, either just get on with it or split up.

Do you understand how you come across? I've been an immigrant twice. Two of my friends were refugees, one recently.

I am an immigrant. Brexit freaked me out at the time. It doesn't help or comfort me that someone on MN will fight and divorce her husband over this topic.

I don't know but what I find is that people are much less good at filtering their passions for politics with some politeness. The fact is that often you won't agree on something and that used to be fine.

But somehow it has got more aggressive; last night I was told that because of my views I should fuck off to where I am came from.

I am British btw and then there was a "of course you can speak". But the civility we have about politics seems to have disappeared. We do need it or otherwise people get angry.

Try and resist anger or resentment for your DH's views. Equally, he should respect you in the same way.

Every single friend, colleague, everyone I know agrees with my views.

😂

Sometimes Mumsnet really is such a gift.

Jazbay, why does having an immigrant 'next door', make any difference, in reality?

Op, regardless of political leanings, isn't the one trying to engage everyone in political debate, which it sounds like her dh is, I swerve people like him as much as poss