To think that my DH and I are growing apart due to political differences?

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

DH and I met 15 years ago. We were both fairly liberal and centre in terms of politics and subsequent discussions were amicable. Fast forward all those years and he’s turned more to the right, whereas I’ve gone more to the left.

We differ now about almost everything: Brexit, refugees, unions and strikes. I feel that he’s become a real Tory bore to be honest. Has this happened to anyone else? Obviously we do try and be respectful of each other and have good debates about politics but fundamentally I feel that we aren’t as close as we once were. He’s a lot older than me too and he has become cynical, grumpy and argumentative whereas I’ve got a lot more energy and vitality to me. Sometimes I really crave a decent left wing professor to spend my evenings with. (Partly joking about that, but you get the gist)

All your family. All your friends. All your colleagues. Everyone you meet, every party you go to, every postman or workman who comes to your door.

All agree with him.

How can that be? What job do you do?

That not a single person you come across, in any capacity, has any left views. All complete Tory right?

Really?

I could never be married to someone with wildly different political views to me. Someone’s politics is fundamental to their personal identity - Their morals and their values. The fact some people don’t think it’s important and don’t care is astounding. If my husband turned into a knuckle dragging racist/ xenophobic that would be a massive problem for me! I’m assuming that’s what OP means.

Poor you. That would really put me off him if I were in your shoes.

I find the polarisation very frightening. The attitude that some views are simply unacceptable - ok that's always been the case with the extremes. But the window of acceptability is narrowing, and more and more of us are finding ourselves outside it. It really is OK to want to help desperate people, and it is OK to wonder how many we can help and at what cost and who needs it most.

Not a new observation, but it's definitely social media driving this. People are primed to attack irl over milquetoast statements, because they've been psychically fighting all day and are on a hair trigger. It's not about the individual person in front of them at all.

Yes, The Boats™️! The bane of all our problems. Nothing to do with the Tories killing the NHS, an unequal distribution of wealth and Brexit destroying our economy. It's The Boats. How dare they be born on a different body of land when people born on our body of land are clearly more deserving. 🙄

DP and I are completely aligned in our political beliefs and have remained identical throughout our 20 year relationship. We are both socialists, voted remain. We both care deeply about social justice. We are both pacifists. We are both atheists. We are both gender critical. We both care about the environment. We are both vegan. Our views impact how we parent DS.

Having someone who didn't think like I thought and didn't see the way I see the world would be a complete deal breaker. I just couldn't be in a relationship with that person.

The comment about boats is always interesting because the asker is always setting a kind of shit test where if you do not agree immediately then you can be insulted etc.

That is what I mean about politeness. Actual politicians are actually more civil and respectful of each other. They know that they cannot tear down each other.

I am against this kind of shit testing; it's destructive of human relationships.

@808Kate1
Well certainly not so much that I'd fall out with anyone over it.

Do you?

I think that's fine if you're both the type to not really care about what is happening in wider society.

If you do care, it becomes a question of fundamental values. I can't imagine having a meaningful relationship where basic values don't align and/or where you can't talk about stuff that you think is important.

I'm just thinking of your future, OP - it sounds as though it'll be more of the same but much worse, with him needing care, too.

I would struggle with the age difference, tbh, but most of all I'd struggle with his views and with the unwanted rants. Could you see another life for yourself?

I can't imagine being with someone who didn't share my view of politics. We sometimes vote for different parties but always left or centre-left.

We're both interested in politics and talk about it a lot. Someone who voted Tory is so fundamentally different to me, I couldn't be in a relationship with them.

Don't think I have met you, but I think I've met your DP.

I couldn’t be with anyone who voted for Brexit. To actively choose to make a country and it’s inhabitants poorer is utterly unforgivable.

I find that people who are too obsessed with politics are mentally unwell.

And trying to 'engage' others in a conversation when all they want to do is shove their own views down your throat

Funny ain't it, how the liberal leftie anti-brexit wokie types could NEVER be with anyone with different political views, (and can't even be in the same ROOM as them, oh the horror!) But people who are NOT liberal leftie wokies, (or are right of centre,) don't seem to have an issue being with people who have left-leaning views. They are happy to speak to them, and have them in their social circle, and are perfectly chill.

The liberal leftie types really are the epitome of intolerant and bigoted. They are exactly what they accuse the right leaning/brexity people of being. They just simply cannot see it. I won't even get into an argument or debate with these people, because they're insufferable and ludicrous.

@DannyZukosSmile Specifically what policies or politics is it that "liberal leftie types" support that you find bigoted and intolerant?

I wholeheartedly agree. Politics is not just something abstract you talk about. It is who you are, what you believe in , how you define yourself.

Sorry but... You used the phrasing "liberal leftie wokies" and then call other people ridiculous?

Zuko
What do you DO about it OP? Everyone you know, including your husband, all your friends, family and everyone you work with are complete right wing tory'ists?

but you are a complete leftist. Is that true? So what are you actually doing about it? who are you out there with, campaigning, lobbying, serving with, spreading your liberalism, giving away all your income. Marx. Serving minority rights. what are you actually doing about it?

I'm the same, @JudgeRinderonTinder . I've never knowingly snogged a Tory, never mind shagged one.

My political beliefs are a huge part of who I am, and I could no more love someone right-wing than I could love a racist or a misogynist.

You know these dinner parties you go to full of Tory/Brexit voters, they're all sitting around talking about politics, how do they think the country is doing after 13 years of Tory rule and Brexit? Are they very happy and feeling prosperous and well governed?

@JazbayGrapes sorry I disagree... if you differ on these fundamental things then you have different values. Shared values are what bonds a partnership and a family together.

I don't think it's at all surprising that left leaning people see it as a moral issue whereas right leaning people think it doesn't matter. That's just common sense, isn't it?

If you're left leaning, you probably see politics as being a question of ethics and morality, and it is likely to matter to you if your partner's values don't align. Whereas many right leaning people seem to see politics as being mainly about people voting in their own self interest, so it wouldn't really signify much if someone else made a different choice.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/dec/21/age-not-class-is-what-divides-british-voters-most