To think that my DH and I are growing apart due to political differences?

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

DH and I met 15 years ago. We were both fairly liberal and centre in terms of politics and subsequent discussions were amicable. Fast forward all those years and he’s turned more to the right, whereas I’ve gone more to the left.

We differ now about almost everything: Brexit, refugees, unions and strikes. I feel that he’s become a real Tory bore to be honest. Has this happened to anyone else? Obviously we do try and be respectful of each other and have good debates about politics but fundamentally I feel that we aren’t as close as we once were. He’s a lot older than me too and he has become cynical, grumpy and argumentative whereas I’ve got a lot more energy and vitality to me. Sometimes I really crave a decent left wing professor to spend my evenings with. (Partly joking about that, but you get the gist)

This!! I was trying to think of a way to articulate this but you’ve put it perfectly!

Its probably alright if you're poor already. Going by the demographics of the votes a lot of brexit voters were people who had not much to lose anyway and saw a chance at rolling the dice and winning.

When you're poor it's things like family and community that are your guardrails and the source of pleasure in life. You can't afford au pairs and holidays abroad,but your mum and auntie live around the corner and you can get milk and bread today and pay on payday and walk into a pub with a fiver and meet loads of people by chance and have a nice couple of hours.
Large scale immigration does change communities. It may be for the better and in many cases certainly is. But it changes it, and many people don't like change. It's a human reaction.
I sometimes think the refusal to recognise an aspect of human nature is a mirror image to the way sexual instincts were repressed in the past.
Treated as a moral failing to be stamped out, and a threat to the current social order when really it's just a natural human response that needs to be channelled but can't really be denied. The cause of a lot of human suffering down the centuries.

"Never knowingly snogged a Tory" is one of the most puerile claims I've ever read 🙄

Well this thread has just reminded me how effective THE BOATS has been as a political communication. Achieves absolutely nothing - except solidifying the Tory vote. Which is all they needed.

Bugger me, it's depressing.

I would struggle with that too. Fortunately my husband takes zero interest in politics and I'm a total obsessive, so I rarely talk about it, and if I do he just nods along in vague agreement.

Something I've noticed about people on the Right (myself included) is that, because the Left are so vocal and public with their views, we often see our home as a safe space to verbalise our political opinions without being misunderstood or branded as bigots/far-right extremists. I couldn't, for example, tell my colleagues or friends from baby groups that I support Brexit - but I've noticed people there are super vocal about hating the Tories and bemoaning Brexit and praising tax hikes. But at home I can speak my mind and it's such a relief. Maybe your DH feels he can't air his views at work and with friends because he would be ostracised and sees you as someone who loves him unconditionally and knows that his views are sincere and well-meant.

As a few others have said- it deep down isn't about the actual politics is it? It's the lack of engagement, the fact he bulldozers over your requests to not start talking about it- he just wants to 'win' the argument.

Lol! I wouldn't have put it quite like that myself, but I can't think of anything that would be a bigger turn-off tbh!

Dh has no contact with his adult ds due to his love for Tommy Robinson, Andrew Tate , Farage and conspiracy theories.

Genuinely interested as to what part of my post came across as judgemental or is that you automatically assume left leaning people are judgemental, in which case you are, in fact, being judgemental?

But partners don't love each other unconditionally, surely? I would not want to stay with my DH if I didn't believe that he was a fundamentally decent person any more.

I do get that it would be uncomfortable if your partner was judging you for your political views, but whether you express that judgement openly or not, surely it is pretty much the end of the relationship if one person feels that they can no longer respect the other? Whether they voice that opinion or not?

Ah no, apologies for how that came across; not all of our circle and certainly not my colleagues and friends. But we live in an area where all his friends are (I moved to be near DH) and therefore we spend more time in the Tory echo chamber.

I think I’m probably making the point that he doesn’t have his views challenged as much as I would have, due to where we live.

I detested my upbringing growing up as my father was racist, homophobic and xenophobic. He was also very misogynistic and now I see my husband heading that way. To see my own father and DH chatting about these things quite frankly appals me.

but you are a complete leftist. Is that true? So what are you actually doing about it? who are you out there with, campaigning, lobbying, serving with, spreading your liberalism, giving away all your income. Marx. Serving minority rights. what are you actually doing about it?

Are you and Danny fucking a pig carcass while lighting cigars and spitting on the poor?

Ridiculous caricatures help no one. FWIW I'm a (sensible) leftie and I do and have done a lot of things to make the world a better place. IRL, not online.

I've never had an issue with sensible Tories either, most of whom are pro-Europe. It's the rapid psychos we should all be wary of. You don't have to be particularly wary of the rabis psychos on the left because they have no power.

This is like saying (for eg) ‘’funny, isn’t it, how non racists can’t be in a room with racists but racists don’t mind people who aren’t racist’’. Your comment makes no sense, really. The fact that you knew before opening the thread that OP’s DH was a right wing Brexiteer and the OP was left wing should tell you all you need to know. A lot of right wingers these days are hate spreaders, and it’s no wonder that other people find it intolerable.

"whereas I’ve gone more to the left. "
"he’s become a real Tory bore"
"I really crave a decent left wing professor to spend my evenings with".

I agree with this. Sadly, no I can’t see another life for myself. Not just yet, anyway.

The biggest problem with the left is their ignorance of irony. I wonder if the ‘progressives’ realize that they have taken on all of the unattractive traits from the right, without any of the good ones.

The left have an internalised racism which is on a whole other level. Calling black people coconuts for not being ‘black enough’. Creating victims out of ethnic minorities just to satisfy their hobby of social justice. Nothing annoys a leftie more than a black or brown right winger. Their inner racism really shows when that happens. See videos of Joe Biden telling a black guy that he’s not really black for supporting Trump. The labour MP who did the same to Kwasi Kwarteng.

The left also have an internalised misogyny. Their visceral hate for women really shows when you tell them a dude in a dress is not really a woman.

Everyone knows their environmental credentials extend only as far as owning a green bin and a bamboo toothbrush. Never mind the flights to turn up at protests or leaving mountains of rubbish behind at the end of a day out…sorry protest.

The list goes on. The right is about individualism but doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Being a leftie is one step ahead of individualism. It’s narcissism. ‘Look at me and how virtuous I am. Now congratulate me.’

I think another factor is that Tory/Brexit supporters have won, they have created the country they want. Leftwingers/Remainers might be very unhappy about the poverty, public services etc.

YANBU, I wouldn’t want to share my life with somebody who had typical Sun reader/Tory views on Brexit, refugees and strikes. Not to mention not wanting to be around a grumpy, cynical, argumentative man.

That's so sad.
Whatever about spouses, a parents love should be unconditional.
There are dads visiting their murderer sons in jail, fgs! Just listening to assholes, even speaking assholish stuff, (without any actions, which you don't mention), shouldn't lose you your dad's love.

That's an impressive amount of ignorant twaddle. Seriously, impressive.
Go on, back it up. And I don't mean by quoting Biden or Kwarteng, I mean your claims about every single left-leaning person. I'll wait.

That's a good point Kendodd.
Then again you see the same rhetoric in the US, and its the left there that have got the society they want.
Covid, war, unstable financial situation are exacerbating things in both cases and I suppose there's little a national government of whatever flavour can do in those circumstances

I agree, I wouldn't cut dd off or stop loving her if she expressed right wing views. My love for her is indeed unconditional.

I would find it incredibly hard though. I would be constantly wondering how I had fucked up so badly as a parent!

Do you have a leftie liberal wokie partner? If not, would you be ok having one?

I’m in Scotland where the SNP have destroyed far more than the Tories.