Page 7 | Should we let DD2 come to meal?

Funkyslippers · 2023-04-15T16:23:50+00:00

DD2 (14) accidentally left the key in the front door when she came in today. OH noticed when he came in the house not long after but she is frequently careless (leaving windows open when she goes out etc). She refused to take responsibility or apologise, reasoning that nobody took the key, nothing bad happened, so it's all fine. We explained that someone could have easily taken the key. He's now saying she can't come out for a meal with us tonight, also with DD1 (19). She's v upset but still refusing to apologise but I don't like going out for a nice meal and leaving her at home miserable. Wwyd?

ABlindAssassin · 15/04/2023 18:43

Also a forced apology is surely meaningless? She won't mean it even if she says it. So what's the point?

Ihatepainting · 15/04/2023 18:43

That’s horribly punitive. Do you and your husband regularly indulge yourself like this???

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:43

let's hope as an old man he doesn't lose his keys, maybe your fully grown daughter can exclude him from a family meal

Ihatepainting · 15/04/2023 18:45

Funkyslippers · 15/04/2023 17:54

I agree that it was an accident but she's being completely defiant and refusing to take responsibility or apologise. As I said before, that is the issue here

You want her to apologise for making a mistake and you want to punish her severely if she does not?

youre blaming your husband for this horrible behaviour but you seem dead keen yourself to stick it to her.

MinervaSaidThar · 15/04/2023 18:45

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:43

let's hope as an old man he doesn't lose his keys, maybe your fully grown daughter can exclude him from a family meal

Maybe when she’s paying the mortgage.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 15/04/2023 18:46

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Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:46

Minerva, well quite, that's my point, the less power we have means the more we should be punished?

Ihatepainting · 15/04/2023 18:47

Moveoverdarlin · 15/04/2023 18:38

Easy mistake to make. Forcing her to apologise seems OTT. Not letting her come out for the meal seems downright cruel.

It’s disturbing right?

you read things on here and how folks treat their kids and realise its ni wonder so many folks grow up and go low contact. It’s just low level abusive,

Lovemusic33 · 15/04/2023 18:47

I’m 41 and I still often leave the key in the door, luckily I am a single adult and not living with my parents so there’s no one to punish me 😬

Miscellaneousme · 15/04/2023 18:47

I’ve done this as an adult multiple times (see also: locked self out of house). Mistakes happen. Excluding her from a family meal is petty.

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/04/2023 18:47

MinervaSaidThar · 15/04/2023 18:45

Maybe when she’s paying the mortgage.

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@Devoutspoken

this!!

I can’t bear the whole weird thing on mumsnet where people tiptoe around their kids, not daring to say anything to them at that could be perceived as corrective or criticism in case they then treat you like shit in your old age.

it’s such utter bullshit

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 18:47

Insisting on the apology was your mistake.

Fair enough to point out the mistake, stress that it should not happen and she should be more careful (with a boring chat about home insurance policies if you must) but demanding an apology and refusing to take her to dinner is totally OTT. If someone attempted to humiliate me for a mistake then I wouldn’t be apologising either.

Ihatepainting · 15/04/2023 18:48

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:46

Minerva, well quite, that's my point, the less power we have means the more we should be punished?

That seems to be rhe posters point, if you’ve the power you get to stick it to anyone who doesn’t if they make a mistake.

Merlinsbeard83 · 15/04/2023 18:48

Take her for a meal . That's a completely over the top reaction not to .
I have left my key in the door as I'm sure lots of people have. And as for the not saying sorry . Well 14 year olds often act like that . But a sensible calm discussion is much better then not taking her to a meal

Ihatepainting · 15/04/2023 18:49

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/04/2023 18:47

@Devoutspoken

this!!

I can’t bear the whole weird thing on mumsnet where people tiptoe around their kids, not daring to say anything to them at that could be perceived as corrective or criticism in case they then treat you like shit in your old age.

it’s such utter bullshit

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wtaf, no one said tip toe round them and you don’t take “corrective action” for a mistake, that’s phrasing that sends shivers

MinervaSaidThar · 15/04/2023 18:51

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:46

Minerva, well quite, that's my point, the less power we have means the more we should be punished?

No, the family unit works when everyone plays their part. An acknowledgement on the part of DD that she will be more careful in the future would allay her family’s concerns. She is refusing to give that, so then why be rewarded eith a meal out?

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:51

Luckysantagelo, you are slightly missing the point, - when people are at a vulnerable time of their lives, be it child hood or old age, they should be treated with compassion and kindness

MinervaSaidThar · 15/04/2023 18:52

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/04/2023 18:47

@Devoutspoken

this!!

I can’t bear the whole weird thing on mumsnet where people tiptoe around their kids, not daring to say anything to them at that could be perceived as corrective or criticism in case they then treat you like shit in your old age.

it’s such utter bullshit

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I agree. Mistakes happen but there needs to be some sort of acknowledgment. When she pays the mortgage on her own home she can leave the front door open if she chooses.

diddl · 15/04/2023 18:53

So how was it handled when her dad found the key?

Why didn't she just apologise then?

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/04/2023 18:53

Ihatepainting · 15/04/2023 18:49

wtaf, no one said tip toe round them and you don’t take “corrective action” for a mistake, that’s phrasing that sends shivers

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@Ihatepainting

dont be so dramatic

i meant corrective as in telling her it’s not good to leave the key in the door anyone could walk in the house and ask her to be more careful in future, perhaps take her key from her until she is older.

if that makes you shiver, then 🤷‍♀️

msmatcha · 15/04/2023 18:53

Let her come to the meal. But take her key from her and put it in a key safe.

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:54

Minerva, she is refusing to give in at this moment because of her not fully formed teenage brain. Take her for the meal, show her love, and I bet she'll apologise, not that she really needs to

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:55

Let her come to the meal but make her sit on the floor

MinervaSaidThar · 15/04/2023 18:55

Devoutspoken · 15/04/2023 18:54

Minerva, she is refusing to give in at this moment because of her not fully formed teenage brain. Take her for the meal, show her love, and I bet she'll apologise, not that she really needs to

I disagree that she doesn’t have the capacity to see what’s right.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 15/04/2023 18:56

MinervaSaidThar · 15/04/2023 18:51

No, the family unit works when everyone plays their part. An acknowledgement on the part of DD that she will be more careful in the future would allay her family’s concerns. She is refusing to give that, so then why be rewarded eith a meal out?

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Because they're two totally unrelated incidents. What does going out for a meal have to do with forgetting to take your key out of the door?

I also suspect the DD would be more inclined to apologise if her dad wasn't on her back over it.

Have you never made a mistake?