To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Wouldn’t offering to have MIL be the least-worst option?

Why can't mil have her own room and her adult dd and boyfriend sleep on the sofa all in SILs caravan?

Or this.

My head hurts after reading all that!

The 22 year olds should get a tent and camp nearby. Seriously, no one wants to hear all that shagging!

To be honest, whilst I understand that it’s really fucking annoying of SIL, and especially if there’s issues around her usually doing this, there do seem to be options on the caravan accommodation front - including the 11-year-old niece sharing with SIL’s 8-yr-old DS, and the 22-year-olds going to the FIL’s caravan.

Because the bed in their caravan that MIL was supposed to have is a double and those horrible pull out beds are often small or comes 2 singles.

I find it so awkward to sleep in living rooms unless you normally live together anyway! I’ve done it before and going for a drink in the night and seeing a random relative sprawled out in their Y-fronts is really not worth the holiday 😂

@JMSA my head hurts being part of it 😂

MIL gets bedroom in SIL's caravan and the DD and her boyfriend take the pull out.

I would say no to the couple, but offer a room to MIL. I think it’s ok for DC to share on holiday.

I get what you’re saying about privacy but you will not get any anyway, by the sounds of this holiday.

Also agree with this. MIL's room was allocated first. You should not accommodate anyone else in your caravan.

Are there caravans still available to book? You could say "we can't accommodate anyone else in our caravan. But there is still a one/two/three bed caravan available that you could book for the new extra guests, SIL".

The 22 year olds could both contribute some cost and the parent of the extra niece could contribute as well.

I know you feel bad for your MIL but I think it's up to her to take a stand. I'd be saying that sorry all your rooms are allocated do you can't take anyone else.

Since your SIL invited all the extras she needs to sort within her own space and if there's not enough room rent another cabin.

Nope. I wouldn’t be having anyone else in our caravan. But then I think you’re brave going away with all of them anyway. Sounds like hell on earth!

Could you guys chip in and get MIL her own caravan or would that be beyond the budget? Poor MIL. SIL is a dick.

SIL and her H have the pull out bed in the living room and MIL has her own room and the other two share. She can't just expect to take space in your van. She has made the decision to invite them so she should accommodate them

Would you consider the 11 Yr niece sharing with your daughter? TBH, that's the only one I would consider joining my family group in a small space. Or perhaps MIL if your kids would share.

Fuck that. You booked a 3 bed for your family.

The DD and boyfriend can book their own caravan.

Stand your ground and say you're not having anyone else in yours.

I hate extended family holidays.

No way, the caravans are pretty cramped, thin walls, no privacy. My DS and DD wouldn’t want to share either. YADNBU to say, really sorry our kids won’t be sharing a room and we don’t want extra people in the van because it’s really not private enough.

As far as I can see, anyone who does the inviting should be accommodating those people in their own caravans. It is not OK to invite someone and expect someone else to accommodate them. I would just say no, we want our own space, if you want to invite someone that is fine but you need to organise where they are going to sleep as we want to have the space we have booked to ourselves.

Absolutely not - if I’d paid for a caravan for my family, then no-one else is inviting other people along and trying to squeeze them into my caravan. Totally changes the dynamic of the holiday. Happy to do stuff all together during the daytime, but at the end of the day I want space and time just with my family. If someone else invites other people along to the group trip, then it’s their responsibility to house them, or for them to book additional accommodation. Though I’m not sure if I’d be happy with more people being added on at a later date, without consulting with the whole group and getting everyone’s ok first. You booked the trip ages ago, with an agreed group of people. I’d be pretty pissed off if several more people are added onto the holiday without me knowing.

Can you just decide to add extra people? I know when we’ve booked caravans for the four of us but chosen to have a 3 bed sleeps 6 then the price is lower and only includes passes for 4. So adding extra e people isn’t an option.

Is your DDs bedroom a twin? Would she and MIL be happy sharing? I know it's not a bedroom to herself, but better than a pull out in the living room.

Or SIL and BIL can sleep in their living room, and give all the people they've invited actual beds...

Just say “no, that doesn’t suit us, hope you manage to get them sorted though. 🙂”

You have booked and paid for your caravan, bedrooms allocated to suit your family. If SIL decides to invite other people it is not up to you to accommodate them in the caravan you are paying for.
Leave it to the inlaws to sort it out.

O would suggest the 11yo sharing with your DD and adults going into FIL caravan.