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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
Eddielizzard · 15/04/2023 11:09

SIL must sort this out. She could have niece stay on sofa in pull out, MIL keeps her own room. Adult DD and BF book their own accommodation.

Coolblur · 15/04/2023 11:10

Say no. You can explain if you want, but they'll day you're selfish either way (you're not, SIL and family are) so I wouldn't bother with 'excuses'. Honesty is the best policy.
There's no way I'd share a caravan with random other family members. Besides they're just not big enough for as many people as they claim to sleep.
Don't do the mumsnet martyr thing of just accepting what is foisted upon you and having a horrible holiday while enabling others to have a great time at your expense.

Softoprider · 15/04/2023 11:10

Sorry people but this is not my idea of a holiday. I would not be going if this were the case.

Eddielizzard · 15/04/2023 11:11

If SIL has form for this shit, by accommodating her, yet again she gets to be generous and other people have to sacrifice. If you insist she sorts it out, she'll think first next time.

cupofteaandabiccyplease · 15/04/2023 11:11

Fuck being kind, it's YOUR caravan for YOUR holiday. Sil caused this she can host the extra bods and give up HER bed if needed.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 15/04/2023 11:12

Your DH is right. Just say no.

Knittedfairies · 15/04/2023 11:12

A big fat 'no'. You booked your accommodation to meet your family's needs; your SIL has no business reorganising your holiday.
(The whole thing reads like one of those 11+ problems in days of yore... )

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/04/2023 11:14

There's no such thing as a 4 bedroom static caravan; the max size is 3 bedrooms (double plus two twins) plus pull out bed in lounge. Only difference will be standard width vs extra wide.

Fraaahnces · 15/04/2023 11:14

Honestly? No…. Tell her that you are not paying for other people to bludge on your holiday. You chose what suited you at the time and she is taking the piss asking every man and his dog to make themselves uncomfortable because she has chosen to invite other people. This is for her to sort out. If you did this, everyone would be resentful and take it out on you. Fuck that!

DrPrunesqualler · 15/04/2023 11:15

You all booked separate caravans for the separate families.
SIL first invited MIL, for her spare room. It’s her caravan she can invite who she likes
SIL invited further people, that’s her call. But also her responsibility to house the. It’s not down to you.
You shouldn’t feel guilty over this.
She has a pull out bed I’d leave it up to her to decide who sleeps on it.
Its not her call to decide who stays in your caravan.

Workyticket · 15/04/2023 11:15

Have you responded in the group chat yet? I'd say (or get dh to if it's his family) something along the lines of

'remember we've booked caravans and not tardises SiL 🤣 our caravan space is all allocated and all sharing options for you lot seem a bit crazy, think the 22yo need another caravan to make this work and avoid anyone sleeping somewhere uncomfortable and not having the privacy they need"

Notjustabrunette · 15/04/2023 11:15

No to anyone else in your caravan. The 22 year olds can be told they can sleep in the living room or sort them selves out. or not come.

HermioneKipper · 15/04/2023 11:15

No, no and hell no!

SIL invited them - she can sort it out

Jumpingvert · 15/04/2023 11:15

You booked 3 bedrooms because you wanted 3 bedrooms.

BlackFriday · 15/04/2023 11:16

Hang on, your SIL has invited her mum along (your mil) on a holiday with her ex and his new wife?????

BungleandGeorge · 15/04/2023 11:17

So SIL wants to have 4 people in her 6 berth caravan whilst you take the extra 2 adults and have 6 in yours? There’s lots of ways you could reconfigure- her son sleeps on her sofa, or on the floor of the parents room or shares with MIL, or you ask the FIL to have the adult couple (although I think that’s quite unfair in a 4 berth caravan). But being squashed in your caravan would be a no from me!

ZekeZeke · 15/04/2023 11:18

If there is this much drama before the holiday I can only imagine what the actual holiday will be like.(I think I would reconsider the holiday).
Your SIL created this mess leave her to sort it.
A simple, we don't have the room but hope you get it sorted and repeat

BlackFriday · 15/04/2023 11:18

Why do two shagging 22 year olds trump an elderly woman for a decent bed?

Apairofsparklingeyes · 15/04/2023 11:19

You and DH are united on this, you need to stick to saying a firm no. SIL invited the extra people without asking you, so it isn’t up to you to provide their accommodation!

Aylestone · 15/04/2023 11:20

LIZS · 15/04/2023 11:06

You can't have your dd and dn share?

Why are so many people posting this when the op has said the niece is nasty and bullies and hurts her daughter?

mantlepiece · 15/04/2023 11:20

OP, if you want to deflect the situation rather than say a very understandable no you could tell SIL you have possible extra guests coming to stay in your van.
Parents/Siblings/Friends of children etc. your beds are all accounted for.

Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 11:21

So to clear a few things up:

  • No more caravans left, it’s first week of holidays so it’s now fully booked
  • If I did have to have anyone share, the person I’d hate sharing with the least would be MIL.
  • We booked it because we are clearly totally mental and thought it would be nice for the kids to have their cousin (the 8yo) to play with, before realising it means we have to tolerate other adults 🤣
  • No awkwardness between MIL and FIL. They divorced about 35 years ago and get on well (though I do think a holiday together is a bit weird)
OP posts:
Stripedbag101 · 15/04/2023 11:21

I would reply —

while it was very generous of SIL to offer to host Stacy, Wayne and Pamela it seems to have created a space issue.

This is an important break for my family and we need all the space we have booked so I am afraid we won’t be able to help.

Does the site offer a larger caravan that SIL can switch to to accommodate her additional guests? Perhaps there is a nearby camping site that would suit Stacy and Wayne?

when people express their boundaries clearly and without explanation or negotiation they tend to be respected.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 15/04/2023 11:23

Sorry, no. Our van is full and the kids don’t want to share. I’d say this and leave it at that. Repeat every time. SIL is a twat and needs to sort out her own mess that she has created.

DarkDarkNight · 15/04/2023 11:23

If not for the MIL it would be a firm no. It’s unfair on the MIL though, your SIL sounds like a bloody nightmare. I wouldn’t want MIL to feel unwanted or a burden.

Could you suggest the adult daughter and her boyfriend in your FILs 2nd bedroom (although it’s a bit awkward as they’re not related, and I’m assuming they don’t know each other) and 11 year old niece in your SILs caravan? As your SIL is thoughtlessly inviting everyone without thinking it through maybe MIL in 2nd bedroom, 11 year old niece in 3rd bedroom (due to age/need for privacy) and their 8 year old son on the pull out sofa. They should be the ones inconvenienced, not you. The other alternative is a 4th caravan for SILs family.

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