To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Just say no - you've agreed to this, and paid for it, on the basis of having your own caravan - SIL can work her own stuff out but just keep repeating. "No, our caravan is already full with my own family so nobody else will be staying in it"
You deserve to enjoy your holiday - don't let SIL jeopardise that.

Can't the 8 year old sleep on the sofa. MIL gets her room. Adult niece and boyfriend gets a room and SIL and husband gets the third.

Definitely stick to saying no! We often stay in 3 bedroom static caravans as a family of 5 and they are tiny . 2 people sharing one of the twin rooms is often tricky and there is no where to go for any privacy. There’s not enough storage or enough places to put stuff. There’s no way we could manage with other non family members in there with us. If you wanted your dc to share a room, you would have booked a two bed. It’s a massive perk that each person has a space to go to, to get away from everyone else for half an hour if they need too. I’d keep it to your family only in your van. If sil is inviting other people, she can accommodate them.

Could your dd share with the female cousin and the adult child plus boyfriend goes into the fil van?

Alternatively most haven't sites have touring facilities so the adult cousin and boyfriend could camp

Just say no. You will not enjoy your holidays otherwise and it will completely change the dynamic for your family in your own caravan.

Your SIL sounds awful.

Oooooh this is clever! I don’t doing lying usually but maybe I could invite my mum but just for the day and get her to a dramatic “I’m going home early” thing (my mum would LOVE this 🤣

Adult DD and boyfriend in FIL's caravan and 11 year old niece on the pull out or with your SIL's son.. there is no privacy in a caravan and who ever is in the lounge will have to change in the loo / shower anyway so she will have to find a way to give niece and son their own places / time to change.

This is what I would go with too. Why should your kids rather than hers be forced to alter plans when it was SIL that added extra people.

while it was very generous of SIL to offer to host Stacy, Wayne and Pamela it seems to have created a space issue.

Stacey, Wayne and Pamela - love this! What about Bianca and Tiffany?

I would have DH tell SIL that you booked and paid for a 3 bed caravan precisely so that you could have a spacious relaxed holiday.

SIL has caused this. Let her sort it.

Is it really all hunky dory to have FIL, his wife, and MIL on the same hol?

Whoever stays in your caravan is up to you and you've decided it's full.

SIL sorts the shit show, she's invited everyone else.

I’d be honest and say that you booked a three bed deliberately because your children need privacy so you won’t be accommodating anyone else. If they throw their toys out then that’s their problem.

The response here is no. You have your setup, SIL has made changes after the booking, and she needs to work out what is going to happen. Getting your 'spare' room is the path of least resistance in her eyes, anything else is going to take work.

Do this and you are on a slippery slope for the rest of the holiday....SIL has already offered the spare room to MIL so the other three should get their own caravan.

Or, just yknow say no

Just say no. Why devote headspace to it as if you have to consider it? You don’t. Your husband isn’t, and it’s his family!

She can uninvite the 22yo rather than messing with other people's holidays. How rude of her.

So the 11yr old bullies your child and you are still contemplating holiday with them, so your kid gets their holiday spoilt...advocate for your child...fuck that, definitely rebook for another week.

Sil is a moron.

The dynamic has already changed thanks to the horrid 11yo tagging along.

Don't ruin it further by having others in your van.

Certainly not me! Honestly at this point I am thinking it’s a holiday for us 4 where in laws just happen to be saying nearby. And we will do our own thing every day seperate from them. Just chatted with DH and he thinks we should take this stance and he’s happy to tell SIL no one comes in our caravan. It he’s gonna call his mum as we both feel bad for her

I would put adult DD & boyfriend in FIL’s extra room then 11 year old niece can take the pull out in the living area - plenty room for a child.

What kind of 22 year old couple want to go on a kids caravan holiday?

SO WEIRD

“Look, SIL - I know you were trying to be kind by asking Stacey, Wayne and Pamela along, but it doesn’t work for us to have extra people in our caravan. I’ve promised the kids that they can have their own rooms, which is a big deal to them at their age. If you want to ask extra people along, then you need to put them up.”

Am I the only one who finds it strange that two 22yo want to spend a holiday in a caravan with 2 young kids?

Are you sure your adult niece (and her boyfriend!) wants to come and share with you OP?

Other posters have said this but the extras really should be on the booking you are not really supposed smuggle people in.