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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
bigdecisionstomake · 15/04/2023 11:23

This would be an absolutely non negotiable NO from me. If SIL wants to invite other people then she needs to sort out the logistics. This is meant to be a holiday, not a form of torture.

The idea of an additional van sounds the best option - SIL will need to arrange the funding for that with the extras she has invited.

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 15/04/2023 11:23

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.
I would say -
Sorry we booked the size of accommodation we require as a family. Our DC’s have their own rooms and as you all know space is limited so the suitcases have to go somewhere too making it too cramped. DH and I/DC are up late/early etc and need access to the living area for tea/dining/reading/playing. To accommodate another 3 adults and a DC over 3 rooms we really need another caravan.

DH, Dd and I book a 3 bed and use one twin room just for suitcases 😳

LemonPledge555 · 15/04/2023 11:24

My parents have a caravan booked for a week in the summer and wanted to take DD. I know DD won’t want to go without me and would never push her, and I said I’d come too. They assumed I’d just bunk in with them and take the sofa and get on with the chaos. But much to their surprise, I don’t want to sleep on a pull out bed with kids running riot through the caravan at 6/7am every morning, and have my DCs needs very much brushed aside. I very much appreciate my own space. Some friends I would share a caravan with. But not with loads of kids and jammed in when that wasn’t that plan.

In your situation I would say something along the lines of “oh that’s not what we’d planned on. We’d rather DC had their own space/rooms and that we did too, as it’s our only holiday this year. Thanks.”

TeenLifeMum · 15/04/2023 11:24

I’d say, really looking forward to the holiday with you all but there’s no space for extras in our caravan as we need time as a family of four at some points and dc are excited to have the own rooms. Can’t wait to see you all xx

Treasureboxkey · 15/04/2023 11:24

On second thoughts, text back

Sorry SIL, we haven't got any room. We've invited ~insert multiple annoying family members here~ to stay in our caravan.

See how she bloody well likes it.

GetYourActTogether1 · 15/04/2023 11:24

MIL in FIL’s spare bedroom

Shaggers get SIL’s bedroom and SIL gets the couch.

diddl · 15/04/2023 11:25

No awkwardness between MIL and FIL. They divorced about 35 years ago and get on well

Perhaps MIL should be in with his ex & his wife then & SIL fits in everyone else!

MorrisZapp · 15/04/2023 11:26

Static caravans can technically accommodate quite a lot of people in terms of beds, but this is wildly misleading. You need space for your stuff, space to sit and live, and space to get past each other to the one tiny bathroom.

We have a family caravan but I'd rather stay at home than fill the berth quota, we did it once and it was utter hell. You hear and smell everything.

Two unrelated adults, absolutely no no no.

Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 11:26

Oh and re the 11yo sharing with us - it’s just a big fat no. My kids get pissed off with her and had I known she was coming I probably wouldn’t have booked as she changes the dynamic. That’s not very nice to say about a child but she is forever hitting them, pushing them (then saying “I didn’t mean to!”) calling them names (my DD is very small for her age, the 11yo calls her ‘Rat’ event when I shout at her to stop). I think if absolutely pushed I’ll have MIL, maybe, but I’m not spoiling my kid’s holiday by forcing them to share with Verucca Salt.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/04/2023 11:26

Could MIL go in with FIL and 11yo niece go on the pull out bed? It’s usually more comfortable for a child to be in the shared space than an adult.

ShandaLear · 15/04/2023 11:26

Just say, ‘LOL, no chance! Our caravan is strictly for the four of us. We’re not up for playing host on our holiday so get the Randy 22 year olds a tent or something.’

billy1966 · 15/04/2023 11:27

Your SIL is a real CF.

I wouldn't entertain this.

I would rather cancel.

I would also NEVER involve myself in a holiday arrangement with SIL.

She really is a complete CF.

IronicElf · 15/04/2023 11:27

I've just stayed in a caravan at a holiday park (our first holidays of this type) and I joked to DH that a curtain would be as effective as the bedroom walls. We've been on narrow boat holidays where all bedrooms are open to the corridor during the day, and the caravan felt less private.

And I've been on the In-law holiday where our family's needs were put last. We booked our own 'house' but were pressured into having a nephew sleep in the living room. I had a teething toddler and nowhere to take her. I could have put on never-ending Peppa Pig and maybe distracted her if he hadn't been and the nephew complained about the nonstop screaming - so got told to f off after a couple of nights

Never compromise unless it's on your own terms. This isn't. Someone changed the dynamic and now expects you to be their solution. Say no that isn't going to work for us, and refuse to give an exact excuse - or they will helpfully find a work-around for you.

Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 11:27

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 15/04/2023 10:55

I love the way the 22 year olds have now been permanently characterised as sex mad!

Show quote history

I know 🤣 she just wouldn’t have sex with him with her family nearby, she’s really lovely and we are pretty close but this is a Uni boyfriend I barely know and I just don’t feel comfortable sharing a space with him.

OP posts:
ShagratandGorbag4ever · 15/04/2023 11:27

Not your problem. The party who invited extra guests gets to worry about where to put them. Maybe the young lovers could get their own caravan or go to a Travelodge?

LisaD1 · 15/04/2023 11:28

I’m afraid I’d say in the group chat “no idea where the extra people will sleep but as sil invited them I assume she has room in her caravan. We are having a much needed family holiday and the caravan we booked is just for us”

your sil is an idiot and the 22 yr olds can find their own holiday!

BruceAndNosh · 15/04/2023 11:28

tinselvestsparklepants · 15/04/2023 10:25

The 22 year olds should get a tent and camp nearby. Seriously, no one wants to hear all that shagging!

Totally this.
They are 22 - the caravan will be rocking every night!

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 15/04/2023 11:28

I've booked a caravan holiday with a friend for the first weekend in October two adults 5 kids.

We still have our own separate caravans. We'd technically all fit into a 3 bed but it's horrible being on top of each other all the time and it's nice to have space from each other for a bit, otherwise it just too intense.

Say no

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2023 11:28

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 11:26

Oh and re the 11yo sharing with us - it’s just a big fat no. My kids get pissed off with her and had I known she was coming I probably wouldn’t have booked as she changes the dynamic. That’s not very nice to say about a child but she is forever hitting them, pushing them (then saying “I didn’t mean to!”) calling them names (my DD is very small for her age, the 11yo calls her ‘Rat’ event when I shout at her to stop). I think if absolutely pushed I’ll have MIL, maybe, but I’m not spoiling my kid’s holiday by forcing them to share with Verucca Salt.

She sounds a delight! Who will be parenting her for the week? You?!

Treasureboxkey · 15/04/2023 11:29

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 11:26

Oh and re the 11yo sharing with us - it’s just a big fat no. My kids get pissed off with her and had I known she was coming I probably wouldn’t have booked as she changes the dynamic. That’s not very nice to say about a child but she is forever hitting them, pushing them (then saying “I didn’t mean to!”) calling them names (my DD is very small for her age, the 11yo calls her ‘Rat’ event when I shout at her to stop). I think if absolutely pushed I’ll have MIL, maybe, but I’m not spoiling my kid’s holiday by forcing them to share with Verucca Salt.

You are starting to sound like you are entertaining the idea. Don't do it!
That way madness lies!

Doesanyoneknowwhattheyaredoing · 15/04/2023 11:29

22 in a tent - they can join in for family dinners etc and also get some privacy of their own

billy1966 · 15/04/2023 11:29

TeenLifeMum · 15/04/2023 11:24

I’d say, really looking forward to the holiday with you all but there’s no space for extras in our caravan as we need time as a family of four at some points and dc are excited to have the own rooms. Can’t wait to see you all xx

This is perfect if you don't wish to cancel.

No way would I have my children sharing because of her random invitations to others.

MeetMyCat · 15/04/2023 11:29

Skankylanky · 15/04/2023 10:37

Fuck that. You booked a 3 bed for your family.

The DD and boyfriend can book their own caravan.

Stand your ground and say you're not having anyone else in yours.

I hate extended family holidays.

This!

Picassa · 15/04/2023 11:29

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

No would be saying sorry all our rooms are full they’ll have to get their own. Wouldn’t feel bad about it either OP!

Crunchymum · 15/04/2023 11:30

If money was no object I'd donate the caravan to MIL / 22yo and the other niece and I'd book a holiday abroad 😂

Assuming you can't afford to do this I'd take MIL. It's her only chance of a holiday but doesn't mean she should forgo a bed. She was an invited guest and deserves a room.

22yo and BF need to make a contribution!!