To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Why can’t the 22 year old couple book their own accommodation?

It's also rude of her to assume FIL has a spare room. They could well have booked a 2-bed so they have a back-up room to sleep in if one of them snores or doesn't sleep well, which can be the case in a caravan/different bed. As others have said, the caravan is a retreat after spending the days together. You don't want to be crammed in with others when that wasn't the original plan.

I'd tell your SIL that there's no way anyone else will be staying in your caravan and wish her the best of luck sorting out the mess she's made.

These caravans are rammed with people my head hurts thinking who's where and the Sil is like yeah everyone Is welcome !

I would say no to the rooms your children don't want/need to share the couple could book their own van .

I’ve never understood all this sharing living spaces on holidays I find it a very odd concept, yanbu tell them you’re not sharing your space & they can get their own accommodation if they want to go.

Would be a no from me , sorry Sil we plan on having a bedroom each and booked accordingly. Don't want our holiday spoiled by grumpy children as they won't have there own space. Sure you understand that we want a good holiday.

I'd rebook for another week! Really don't understand the attraction of multi family holidays. Cut the apron strings.

Haha no. Nobody who isn’t on my booking form would be staying in my caravan.

You are not supposed to have people there who are not on the forms either. In the event of a tragic emergency they wouldn’t be looking for people who were not supposed to be there. You’d also be breaking your terms and conditions I believe unless they have changed them recently you could actually get kicked off rarely do they do it but it’s possible.

where are the extra passes magically coming from to? Or is it just a hideaway stay?

This is your DH's family? Let them sort themselves out. You have a caravan big enough for your family and to ensure you're all comfortable I.e can walk around in your nightie. Which you have paid for. So no, i certainly wouldn't be allowing anyone else to stay.
Not a chance!

I didn't get to the end. Everything about it would be a nightmare.

It would also be a no for me, ‘we’ve booked a caravan big enough for our family of four so won’t be able to have anyone else stay with us’. Then leave them all to it.

Tell sil if she wants to invite extra people it's on her to house them.
The adult daughter is her child, why should you house her?
Agree with a previous poster.
The 11 year old niece shares a room with her ds, whether that's in fil caravan or in her own. Then the adult daughter and boyfriend get the other room.

There are plenty of options other than you.

Nope I’d say. No we can’t. And I’d suggest they book their own caravan or SIL pts for one for them or they camp out in tents if that’s an option.

id never ever agree to a family holiday ever again.

So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours.

Say, ‘no-sorry-we booked a three-bed so the kids get a room each and everyone gets some sleep’.

She shouldn’t be inviting other people on holiday unless she’s putting herself out to put them up!

Is your SIL doing this to get some money off the 22 year old to contribute towards their caravan costs? It all sounds horrible. Definitely no room for more in your caravan, especially not for a young couple.

SIL needs to put her hand in her pocket to fix this herself.
If the 11 wasn’t a pain it would be different.

Has SIL notified the park about the extra people as they may say no

You can't have your dd and dn share?

YANBU. You didn't invite them and your rooms are all occupied. Your FIL could offer his spare room to the adult granddaughter and her boyfriend, and the 11 year old could share with her grandmother, but it really isn't your problem to resolve.

Up to SIL to sort out/pay for.

Imo everyone should stop trying to accommodate the extras then she'll (perhaps) get the message!

If push came to shove I'd rather put up with MIL I think.

This is all on your SIL, she needs to sort everything out. Don't budge an inch.

The sleeping arrangements alone are a nightmare, and what about all the catering/cleaning up etc?

This and ALL the others who have given "absolutely not!" answers. SiL invited this couple without prior consultation, SiL has to sort it.

We always booked a 3 bed roomed caravan from when our eldest was 8. Made more sense for them to have their own space and wasn’t that much more expensive.

last year we went to a one bedroom apartment with 2 older teenagers (boy and girl) who shared the bedroom and dh and I had the living room! It was challenging! 😂

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

Your DH is dead right and it's his family. You need to let him deal with this and you stay out of it. Look out for your DC and enjoy your holiday with DH and them.

Op explained this already. DN is not v nice to DD. Besides, they booked 3 rooms so the kids could have a room each. And paid for it.