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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
justanotherdrama · 15/04/2023 10:40

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 15/04/2023 10:23

Why can't mil have her own room and her adult dd and boyfriend sleep on the sofa all in SILs caravan?

Exactly

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 15/04/2023 10:41

Nope.

You're going to need your own space to get away from family at the end of the day just to survive this "holiday".

Between the divorced in-laws, cousins who don't get on, SIL who does whatever she likes and expects people to work around her etc, it all sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I'd be saying "why don't you pay us £X for the cost of the caravan, you can divy up the rooms as you see fit and we'll holiday elsewhere."

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 15/04/2023 10:41

Are you paying for your caravan or is FIL paying for everyones accommodation? If your not then I can see how it's really awkward to say no.

If you are paying for your own accommodation then I'd just say "No we don't have any spare room, we booked the three bed caravan as DD and DS will need their own space. If you were expecting us to make room you should have spoken to us before offering it to 22 year olds as we could have saved you the embarrassment of having to revoke the offer"

If SIL wants all these people there she will need to either pay towards another caravan or tell them it's not free and they will have to pay.

piedbeauty · 15/04/2023 10:42

Yanbu!! Your caravan, why should you share? You're not being selfish at all. Your SIL made this mess, now she needs to sort it.

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/04/2023 10:42

No more people in your caravan; stand firm on that. SIL can sleep her adult DD and BF on the pull out in their living room (DH have done that plenty of times; they'll cope). Then MIL and her 11 year old GD can share the other twin bedroom.

SIL invited them; she can host them.

JoJo10 · 15/04/2023 10:43

Can your dd have the sofa bed and just get changed in your room? Then mil can have a bedroom? Or an airbed in your room for ds?

IhearyouClemFandango · 15/04/2023 10:44

MIL has a bedroom in yours (your kids can share at their ages) or SIL has the niece and boyfriend on their pull out.

Abracadabra12345 · 15/04/2023 10:44

Xrays · 15/04/2023 10:34

Nope. I wouldn’t be having anyone else in our caravan. But then I think you’re brave going away with all of them anyway. Sounds like hell on earth!

My thoughts entirely! I'm always open-mouthed when I read of these multiple families holidays. Unless you all get on brilliantly, it's never relaxing and you always have to put on a slight veneer. It was hard enough organising our own family holiday, for just us.

But I agree about making a stand. Your poor MIL

2chocolateoranges · 15/04/2023 10:46

Personally I would say no, that doesn’t work for us. I would say that we had chosen the 3 bed caravans so that the children can have heir own rooms and you don’t want to share with anyone else. End of.

I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with family(I like our holidays to ourselves) but if we were to go on holiday with family we would be having our own accommodation to at least give us some space. I have many many years ago gone on holiday with family and it was the worst holiday ever all cramped in the one caravan. Never again.

WaltzingWaters · 15/04/2023 10:46

This is a holiday you’ve booked for YOU, DH, and YOUR children. No need to invite anyone else to stay in your caravan. Just say, no, it’s our holiday and the DC want their own room/we want to spend some time just the four of us.

It’s horrible for MIL but your SIL should have discussed before inviting loads more people.

The young couple can get their own caravan or a tent. Or go on a holiday alone. I’m sure there’ll be lots of noisy activities on their part that nobody else wants to hear!

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/04/2023 10:48

"airbed in your room for ds?"

<chortle> You've obviously never stayed in a static caravan before. Even in the EW ones, there's just about enough room to walk around the double bed, never mind fit an inflatable bed in there. 😅

Sassypants82 · 15/04/2023 10:48

SIL doesn't get to effect your accommodation. I'd stay out of it and offer nothing. Your van is full.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/04/2023 10:51

Tell them you booked and paid for a 3 bed because you wanted that space for your family. Otherwise you would have booked a cheaper
two bed. Tell them they need to book and pay for another van if they are inviting a whole other family to come

Treasureboxkey · 15/04/2023 10:52

"No sorry, our caravan is full. Maybe you could contact the site and see if YOUR family can be moved to a bigger caravan."

I don't understand why people on this thread are talking about your children sharing or using air beds. Why should they have an uncomfortable holiday because SIL thinks that she can do what she likes.

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 15/04/2023 10:53

This is your SIL problem not yours. Just say no

Pinkdelight3 · 15/04/2023 10:53

1000% say no and stick to your guns. SIL needs to stop asking people on holiday without a mandate. It's absolutely not anyone else's problem that she's invited extra people. It's meant to be your holiday. Your family in your caravan having a nice time and meeting up with others outside the caravan. Don't let her spoil it. The original plan was perfect.

Katrinawaves · 15/04/2023 10:53

Can the shagging 22 year olds stay with FIL in the spare room, MIL keeps her room with SIL and the 11 year old niece sleeps on the pull out in SIL’s van?

Or if there is a 4 bed van not booked already suggest that SIL upgrades to that one?

Cherrysoup · 15/04/2023 10:54

SIL needs to resolve this without impacting on your space. She has been very silly to invite extra people without having the space herself.

FrostyFifi · 15/04/2023 10:54

I agree though I'm baffled at these en masse holidays, I'd need a holiday to recover from something like that.

neonjumper · 15/04/2023 10:54

Flat out no. Don't even open up any negotiations... you've posted because you want to say no ! Stick to the no .

You've booked what you need .

Inertia · 15/04/2023 10:54

No. SIL shouldn’t be acting all Lady Bountiful unless she can cover what she’s promised. Just tell her you don’t have any spare bedrooms. The 22yo will have to go on the pull out in their mum’s caravan.

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 15/04/2023 10:55

Katrinawaves · 15/04/2023 10:53

Can the shagging 22 year olds stay with FIL in the spare room, MIL keeps her room with SIL and the 11 year old niece sleeps on the pull out in SIL’s van?

Or if there is a 4 bed van not booked already suggest that SIL upgrades to that one?

I love the way the 22 year olds have now been permanently characterised as sex mad!

Pinkdelight3 · 15/04/2023 10:55

Can your dd have the sofa bed and just get changed in your room?

Why on earth should OP's dd have to spend a week like this just because SIL is a twat? No one in OP's caravan should have to compromise. They booked enough rooms for their family and the rest is SIL's problem to sort out.

lovemelongtime · 15/04/2023 10:56

Sounds like a fkng nightmare. Stick to your guns. If there's that many extra people they can book an extra van or take a tent. SIL needs to sort it , not you, as she invited everyone extra. Say no, and stick to it.

Hairyfairy01 · 15/04/2023 10:56

Nope, you didn't invite them so not your issue. Your 10 year old dd doesn't want to share a room with her brother and that should be respected. I would stand firm. Sharing a caravan with anyone other than very close family sounds like hell.