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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:24

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
BellaBlossoms · 14/04/2023 18:27

If she wants to go to Dubai tell her to crack on with her BF, booked separately to your and paid for by them. What an entitled madam expecting you to pay for BF.

Nevermind31 · 14/04/2023 18:27

Tell DD that

  1. he is not invited
  2. you are not paying for his holiday and it sounds as if he cannot afford it
  3. as they are not married there is no room sharing in Dubai, or any sort of public touching, kissing etc
WhatToDo2023 · 14/04/2023 18:29

Given she's paying for herself, she can invite whoever she wants. But to ask you to pay for him at all is unbelievably cheeky, wtf is she thinking? This man is taking her for a ride, getting her to pay for his holiday. I'd actually be quite worried for her.

MoltenLasagne · 14/04/2023 18:30

I'm confused. You have told your children they have to pay their own way (fair enough) but DD has now asked to invite her BF and also expects you to pay for him when you're not paying for your own children?

Marmalady75 · 14/04/2023 18:30

Your DD is BU. How long are you going for that she needs BF to go??? Can she not live without him?

BellaJuno · 14/04/2023 18:30

Your DD is having a laugh, no need to be at loggerheads, just tell her no and don’t discuss it. It’s a family holiday and even if he was invited, why would you pay for him when you’re not paying for your own kids?

BHRK · 14/04/2023 18:31

just Say no. If she doesn’t want to come as a result then fine

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:31

DD said she would pay towards the price for his ticket & accommodation but we can top up the rest for him so in reality he is getting a free holiday she also said she was crying at work cos we said no & how will having her bf there affect things

OP posts:
Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:31

How are 19 and 22 you affording dubai?

Babyandmexox · 14/04/2023 18:32

If he was paying for himself as she is also paying for herself I don’t think it would be an issue! But absolutely not

Lizzt2007 · 14/04/2023 18:32

Nevermind31 · 14/04/2023 18:27

Tell DD that

  1. he is not invited
  2. you are not paying for his holiday and it sounds as if he cannot afford it
  3. as they are not married there is no room sharing in Dubai, or any sort of public touching, kissing etc

No 3. Make it clear you are not paying, the deal was they paid for themselves, and also make dd aware that boyfriend or she will have to pay for a separate room for him. They are not allowed to share. That's likely to mean single supplement so much higher price.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 14/04/2023 18:33

Tell her no, if she wants to go on hoilday with him she can book somewhere cheaper like Spain or France.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:33

MoltenLasagne · 14/04/2023 18:30

I'm confused. You have told your children they have to pay their own way (fair enough) but DD has now asked to invite her BF and also expects you to pay for him when you're not paying for your own children?

Yes that’s right she said she would pay for him but not all of it and for us to top up the rest for him 😳

OP posts:
Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:33

I dont understand the dilemma really.

Hes not invited and you're not paying.

So he doesn't come.

mbosnz · 14/04/2023 18:34

I'd be saying to her that the same applies to him as to both siblings - he needs to pay his way. If he can't pay, then he can't come. If she doesn't want to come because he apparently can't meet this requirement, then that's okay.

pilates · 14/04/2023 18:34

If you’re not paying for her and brother why does she think you will pay for her bf 🤔 No way!

Eggseggseverywhere · 14/04/2023 18:35

I feel superior now...
I agreed to dd's bf coming with us..
For 2 nights camping in Scotland!!
😆
Like hell abroad. And certainly not given her demands. Or tbh the country you are visiting. Like was said cultural differences and unmarried people.
Dh needs to grow a pair. It's a family holiday not The Dsd Show...

NoSquirrels · 14/04/2023 18:36

It’s a pretty easy no, isn’t it?

You’re not paying for any other adults.

If she wants to pay for another adult that’s up to her, but if she & her BF can’t afford it then he can’t come.

I’d be more concerned with talking to her about this relationship and why the BF is pressuring her to pay or making her feel
guilty for spending time with her family without him.

Zanatdy · 14/04/2023 18:37

I wouldn’t want him to come either way as it will affect the dynamic. It’s a family holiday. Why doesn’t she and her bf go on their own to Dubai. Oh wait, he can’t afford it! So he doesn’t go!

BreviloquentBastard · 14/04/2023 18:37

Oh hell no, cheeky fucker. Tell her simply it's a no, but I'd also check in that she's not paying for everything with this guy. She's only 19, it's so easy at that age to be blinded by feeeeelings and become the ATM of a useless freeloader. I'd be a bit worried about her willingness to foot even part of the bill for him, and how much influence he has over her that she'd consider for a moment that asking you to pay for him is a reasonable request.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

OP posts:
MinnieEgg · 14/04/2023 18:37

She's crazy! Who says 'oh yes, I'd love to go on holiday but I can't afford it so I'll just ask someone else to pay for it'

LaviniasBigBloomers · 14/04/2023 18:37

I don't understand the dilemma - surely you just say no, you're not topping up or contributing at all towards the BF and that's the end of it

NoSquirrels · 14/04/2023 18:38

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

Does she have form for being illogical and dramatic? Or is this out of the blue?

Have you met the boyfriend?

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:39

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

So?

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