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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:24

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
Pedallleur · 14/04/2023 19:59

Can stay at home together or have a holiday together elsewhere e.g. Spain. No need for the OP to pay.

Darkstar4855 · 14/04/2023 20:00

I’d be worried about the fact she’s happy to bankroll her boyfriend on an expensive holiday. That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship dynamic.

justasking111 · 14/04/2023 20:00

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 14/04/2023 18:33

Tell her no, if she wants to go on hoilday with him she can book somewhere cheaper like Spain or France.

That's what mine do. They've done Italy and Poland, both had a great time

Theskyoutsideisblue · 14/04/2023 20:00

Dubai is a shit destination. Sorry but it is.

Delphinium20 · 14/04/2023 20:01

I think it's lovely you want to pay for meals/entertainment for your DD and DS and, as I have young adult DD, it's something I do for her (she doesn't make much money at all).

I might pay for DD's significant other's meals, like picking up a dinner tab or ordering everyone a round of drinks, but this would feel really off if his accommodation and flight were paid by DD and he was going on a trip knowing he couldn't afford to pay his own food. The fact that DD is paying his way makes this very odd and pathetic on his part, IMO. Nothing wrong in not being able to afford something, but really wrong to expect to be living the good life off your girlfriend and her parents. It's not like they are married or have children together. Do they even live together? Oh, I hope not as DD will be carrying his weight there as well.

YukoandHiro · 14/04/2023 20:01

What @BreviloquentBastard said. That was me for three years at that age, sadly. So much of my student loan went on rolling a bit of a waster...

Sceptre86 · 14/04/2023 20:02

She's 19 and an adult. You know you're not in the wrong and she can figure it out for herself. She might sulk for a while and cry but honestly so what?

Doesn't mean you love her any less by sticking to your guns but you shouldn't back down as it sets a precedent going forward.

raincamepouringdown · 14/04/2023 20:03

WhatToDo2023 · 14/04/2023 18:29

Given she's paying for herself, she can invite whoever she wants. But to ask you to pay for him at all is unbelievably cheeky, wtf is she thinking? This man is taking her for a ride, getting her to pay for his holiday. I'd actually be quite worried for her.

Same.

She's paying her own way, as required up front, but wants you to pay for her boyfriend to come? Or she'll do it as much as possible?

Sounds like he's a leach and/or doesn't trust her out of his sight ... I'd be worried about the relationship...

YoBeaches · 14/04/2023 20:03

What can't his own parent subsidise his holiday? Is he working? Student?

Absolutely stick your guns. He's taking the poss if he thinks this is ok and your dd has been brainwashed to even ask.

drpet49 · 14/04/2023 20:04

Nevermind31 · 14/04/2023 18:27

Tell DD that

  1. he is not invited
  2. you are not paying for his holiday and it sounds as if he cannot afford it
  3. as they are not married there is no room sharing in Dubai, or any sort of public touching, kissing etc

This

Beautifulstrange1 · 14/04/2023 20:04

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 14/04/2023 18:47

I personally think YABU for not paying for your kids to go when you're calling it a family holiday.

Not unreasonable to not allow the boyfriend though. Seems like she has attachment issues with him if she can't survive a holiday without him..

What??? They’re adults! Weird comment

LivingDeadGirlUK · 14/04/2023 20:08

Unsure33 · 14/04/2023 19:47

Sounds a bit like an unhealthy relationship. Is she worried she can’t trust him if they are apart ? Her paying for him as well ? Bit desperate.

I agree with this it seems like a red flag.

Lulu1919 · 14/04/2023 20:09

Dear DD no
If you'd rather go on a holiday with your BF then book something else you can both afford ,

user1494050295 · 14/04/2023 20:10

Nevermind31 · 14/04/2023 18:27

Tell DD that

  1. he is not invited
  2. you are not paying for his holiday and it sounds as if he cannot afford it
  3. as they are not married there is no room sharing in Dubai, or any sort of public touching, kissing etc

Point 3. Especially this

Mirabai · 14/04/2023 20:13

No and no. And don’t cry at work over a holiday it’s super irritating for everyone else.

Vitriolinsanity · 14/04/2023 20:13

She's crying at work????

She won't be able to pay for her own ticket behaving so ridiculously

Notjustabrunette · 14/04/2023 20:15

Theskyoutsideisblue · 14/04/2023 20:00

Dubai is a shit destination. Sorry but it is.

Based on what? I lived there for years and had an amazing time, met lovely people and had so many experiences I wouldn’t have had if I had stayed in England.

Hellno45 · 14/04/2023 20:17

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

She is choosing to miss out.

If she is crying at work then she needs to grow up and be professional. Its a holiday after all. No one has died.

Vitriolinsanity · 14/04/2023 20:18

@Theskyoutsideisblue try and stay on point. Your opinion of the destination wasn't sought.

Blablablanamechangagain · 14/04/2023 20:18

Your "D"D is being a spoilt brat.
Tell her she's now uninvited

I'd also be hinting she drops the loser boyfriend. Either she doesn't trust him, or he doesn't trust her, and neither are healthy. Bye bye freeloader

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/04/2023 20:18

Theskyoutsideisblue · 14/04/2023 20:00

Dubai is a shit destination. Sorry but it is.

@Theskyoutsideisblue

irrelevant

Mainlinethehappy · 14/04/2023 20:21

DD is being extraordinarily unreasonable.

Strawberrydelight78 · 14/04/2023 20:24

Either she goes without him, or he pays for himself, or they go on a separate holiday and choose somewhere they can both afford.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 14/04/2023 20:29

Doesn't he have a job why can't he pay for himself. I wouldn't particularly want dd paying for him either but you can't do anything about that part

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 14/04/2023 20:31

No. It's a family holiday. Daughter and boyfriend can make their own travel plans separately at another time. This one is for your family.

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