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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:24

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 20:32

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 14/04/2023 20:29

Doesn't he have a job why can't he pay for himself. I wouldn't particularly want dd paying for him either but you can't do anything about that part

He does have a job 😳

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/04/2023 20:36

she also said she was crying at work cos we said no

Sorry but this made me laugh out loud.

So he wants a free holiday but has been told to pay his way. He's working? He can pay. She's picked a real winner there...

DrPrunesqauler · 14/04/2023 20:36

Your children have been asked to pay for themselves but a non family member wants you to pay for them.!!!
If they want to attend they should pay like everyone else.
Personally I wouldn’t want non family to come on a family holiday but as you are asking your children to pay for themselves I don’t think it would be fare for you to restrict the people who join them. You’re basically telling them to pay and telling them how you want it all to be.

Either way
As it’s a pay for yourself holiday, everyone should pay for themselves

TheFireflies · 14/04/2023 20:37

Hopefully one day she’ll look back on this and feel horribly embarrassed.

ShandaLear · 14/04/2023 20:42

Tell her if she wants to bring her boyfriend and partially pay for it, then they clearly can’t afford it and should take the money and go to Magaluf instead. And regardless he needs to get al job if he wants to go on exotic holidays and not expect other people to bankroll her. Her tears are manipulative and ridiculous and she really should know that you wouldn’t fall for that tripe.

EarlofShrewsbury · 14/04/2023 20:42

Being so upset is a bit much.

Is there any possibility he could be abusive or controlling?

He might be telling her she isn't allowed to go without him. I had a boyfriend like that at 19. My parents didn't see it at the time but he wouldn't let me do family things without him.

PeloMom · 14/04/2023 20:46

She may want to read up on law in Dubai and unmarried couples. Regardless, it’s a family holiday. She is being unreasonable. It’s sad she’s sad but that’s life

TomeTome · 14/04/2023 20:48

She can’t holiday in Dubai in the way she imagines. Why is her crying etc an issue?

Ineedtoloseweightnow · 14/04/2023 20:50

I wouldn’t think too badly of the bf unless you know he is behind this. I can imagine doing similar at 19 to try and guilt my parents into it. She could have asked him and he’s said I can’t afford it so she’s then said what if we pay…cue the begging. At 19 she probably feels she can’t be apart for that long 🙈

strawberry2017 · 14/04/2023 20:50

I'm curious why it's bothering her so much. You are not been unreasonable and I can't think of a single parent I know who would pay for a BF over a child.
I'd be worried what he's saying to her behind the scenes to make this such an issue.
Taking a partner massively changes the dynamics as well.

whynotwhatknot · 14/04/2023 20:57

Aside from the money which she is being ridiculous about how does she think it wouldnt affect you if he was there-of course it would

yu woul never see her they wont wan to hang round with you and how would sleeping arrangements work they cant share

Ktime · 14/04/2023 20:58

I’d be telling her we’re not paying for you or your brother, so why on earth would we be paying for your skinflint boyfriend?

Why is she so keen to come with you guys? I think she thinks she’s going to get loads of freebies from you like outings and drinks.

saraclara · 14/04/2023 21:05

When you ask her why you should pay for him to come out and for his expenses out there, what is her logic? Why does she think he deserves to have so much money spent on him by you? I presume that you barely know him?
What does her brother think about this, given that he's paying for himself?

JMSA · 14/04/2023 21:07

How can any 19 year old on the planet afford a holiday to Dubai?! Shock

Ktime · 14/04/2023 21:10

JMSA · 14/04/2023 21:07

How can any 19 year old on the planet afford a holiday to Dubai?! Shock

If she lives at home and has a part time or full time job then pretty easily.

Stripedbag101 · 14/04/2023 21:10

Absolutely do not pay for the boyfriend.

but keep a very close eye on this relationship - it sounds really unhealthy. Your daughter sounds like she has lost all reason - does he know she is expects you to pu for him? Has he put her up to it?

how well do you know him? Are you wealthy? Does he think you will find a lifestyle (I assume with a Dubai holiday you have disposable income that you like to spend - he might think you are loaded and wants a slice?)

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:11

Ktime · 14/04/2023 20:58

I’d be telling her we’re not paying for you or your brother, so why on earth would we be paying for your skinflint boyfriend?

Why is she so keen to come with you guys? I think she thinks she’s going to get loads of freebies from you like outings and drinks.

Totally this with her bf tagging along

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:13

JMSA · 14/04/2023 21:07

How can any 19 year old on the planet afford a holiday to Dubai?! Shock

She has a full time job plus she gets commission on top if we as her parents knew they both our kids couldn’t afford a Dubai ticket with accommodation only then we wouldn’t be telling them if they wanted to come

OP posts:
OKFinally · 14/04/2023 21:14

Three words....

Jog On Loser

Although I do agree with a recent poster, a lot of red flags for financial and possibly coercive control.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 14/04/2023 21:18

Would you welcome him along if they weren't asking you to contribute?

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:21

DD has just said to us this is the 1st family holiday I can’t go on & I don’t want no one to talk to me at all & it’s both your faults 😳 my husband told me to ignore her completely but we ain’t gonna pay for her bf even as a part payment with free food & entertainment thrown in

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:21

NadjaCravensworth1 · 14/04/2023 21:18

Would you welcome him along if they weren't asking you to contribute?

No cos we all originally agreed that it was a holiday for just the 4 of us

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:23

Just to add we haven’t actually said for her not to come we said that we are not paying for her bf to come on a holiday with us with free food & entertainment thrown in

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 14/04/2023 21:25

She's trying to manipulate you into giving in. Enjoy a lovely holiday with your son.

Ktime · 14/04/2023 21:26

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 21:21

DD has just said to us this is the 1st family holiday I can’t go on & I don’t want no one to talk to me at all & it’s both your faults 😳 my husband told me to ignore her completely but we ain’t gonna pay for her bf even as a part payment with free food & entertainment thrown in

Even if she does decide to pay for his flight/accom or he pays for himself, be wary that they might take the piss like charge drinks to your room or wait around at each attraction / bar expecting you to pay!

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