DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

The presence or not of a wedding ring SnackSizeRaisin? Though those in the know tell me they just buy a cheap ring for the correct finger to avoid such attitudes

I'll repeat what Battle said: "She's not 12 looking for lift for a friend; she's asking for hundreds of pounds you didn't offer for the company of a person you don't want".

I'm glad you won't be budged OP, but it would serve you well to really get your DD to understand why you won't be doing bringing him along for a jolly. While I wasn't this bad, and parents would've burst out laughing at me if I told them they'd made me cry at work, I do remember joining my parents on holidays when I was in college, and it never occurred to me to contribute more than - maybe - a bottle of wine for the apartment. The privilege of my company was enough

BTW, did you find out whether this is coming from him or her?!

I think your DH is spot on. Your dd crying and being upset at work is pathetic,she will look ridiculous in front of her peers. She sounds totally immature to me.Sorry but her carrying on like she is must be so embarrassing for you.

I think you're perfectly reasonable to refuse to pay for him, or even anything towards his trip.

Are the DC booking separately to you because if they are, you can't really stop him booking with dd if he finds the funds, but you can still refuse to pay for his meals/excursions etc.

@Safarigiraffe im sorry but I actually would have laughed at her if she said she cried at work. She’s either 1 lying and trying to manipulate you or 2 being honest and therefore rather pathetic.

Why? They are working adults.

Does this boyfriend have any self-respect? I can't get my head around someone who would 'piggy-back' on his girlfriend's family's holiday/finances like this!!

But is it coming from her, rather than him? Perhaps he doesn't really want to come and is using having no money as an excuse, but she's pushing it???

@CoffeeCantata
It is equally likely that the daughter is insecure and does not trust the BF to have some free time away from her watchful eye. In that case, if I were the BF, I not pay to go on this trip either.
, ,

DD is now coming to Dubai however the BF isn’t coming at all now, also BF didn’t come round at all this weekend cos he’s not happy that we aren’t paying for him to come with us so too bad not our issue he will have to get over himself

Tell entitled DD to bugger off.

The bf is an idiot, generally gf parents do not supply all expenses paid free holidays.

Wow he's shown his true colours. He's an entitled little prick.

Very cheeky of your daughter and her bf. If he can't afford the holiday he doesn't go. Your DD is being manipulative. Crying at work. Tell her to crack on and pay for dB if she is that concerned. She is trying to get bf on holiday via your coin. No way.

Lol, if I were him then I'd be too embarrassed to ever come back. I can't believe he is so entitled!

'I'd make it very clear to your daughter that her boyfriend's sense of entitlement to your money is very concerning and she should have a good hard long think about his behaviour.

I wouldn't have him in my house again tbh and I'd be having a conversation with any child of mine who thought acting like this was ok, she is 19 not 9.

Pah ha ha!

Does he think that him not coming round is some sort of a punishment for you not paying for him to come on a holiday with you that you didn't want him to come on in the first place?

Maybe she invited him making out that it was ok, and is now really embarrassed that you said no

Yes I think that is what’s most likely happened

I think you need to think of it as 2 separate issues:

1. is he invited/welcome?
2. are you willing to pay/ contribute?

You've made it clear you won't pay/contribute (which I totally agree with btw).
However, the argument between your DH and Dd seems to be focussed on whether he's even welcome.

In which case the length of time they've been together, the amount of time he spends with the family etc is very relevant

He won't go to your house again perhsps and do be aware he will probably ignore your DD messages whilst you are away. She will want to rush home early or spend time blaming you for the impending break up all because you wouldn't pay for him.

I hope the above won't happen. Perhaps your Ds could have a word with her, hopefully they get on. She will have dodged a bullet if he pushes off.

what arude little sod

Does that mean your dd didn’t see him either? Perhaps he is cross with your dd rather than you. This may account for her crying at work. Could she have been embarrassed or he is manipulative? Either way, I hope you managed to bear his absence with fortitude and in time that your dd understands your stance.

He doesn’t sound a great bf 🚩

BF sounds like an entitled knob tbh.