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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants BF to come on family holiday with us

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:24

Hi everyone please honest opinions good or bad
My husband and I are going to Dubai end of September & have told my DS22 & DD19 if they are free they can come however they have to pay for their own ticket/accommodation at hotel all well & good & they agreed.
Today DD19 said she wants her bf19 to come as well but as he can’t afford to pay for his ticket/accommodation if we can pay & if not she will pay towards it but not all of it 😳 which I didn’t think was fair at all as it looks like he wants a free holiday out of us.
So now DH & DD are at loggerheads with each other over this. DD is saying she don’t want to miss out on the family holiday & she really wants to come to Dubai & how will having her bf there affect things but husband is saying he wants to go there to relax as the holiday was only intended for us as a family & even if he does pay why should he come on holiday with us when he’s not invited. So who is being unreasonable

OP posts:
FelicityFlops · 14/04/2023 18:59

This reply has been deleted

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Notimeforaname · 14/04/2023 18:59

I dont understand what she doesn't understand??? If you're not paying for her, why does she think you will pay for someone else's grown up child?? I dont get it.

Gensola · 14/04/2023 19:01

Tbh if she’s this immature I’d worry about her ending up in a Dubai jail for carrying on with him in public. I wouldn’t take them for that reason alone!

KittyAlfred · 14/04/2023 19:01

It’s bizarre.
Presumably the reason you’re not paying for your own kids is that you can’t afford it and they earn their own money. So how/why would you suddenly find the cash to pay for someone else?!

SiobhanSharpe · 14/04/2023 19:03

I wonder if they, DD and the BF thought they could tell the hotel/authorities etc the BF will be sharing a room with DD's brother when in reality he would not. (so no visits from the morality police. ) Very risky though.

mbosnz · 14/04/2023 19:04

Oh dear. How sad. Never mind dear. (By the way dear, aren't you a bit worried about the spectacle you're making of yourself at work, with your tanty?)

viques · 14/04/2023 19:06

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

Maybe work will have a whip round and pay for his ticket and accommodation. Or then again maybe they won’t. Has she thought of a go fund me appeal?

EllenLRipley · 14/04/2023 19:09

Sex outside marriage is illegal in Dubai. I would advise anyone against breaking the laws of the country they visit. She could end up in prison as many women have:
https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/03/10/couple-found-out-they-were-pregnant-uae-arrested-them/99001736/
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/unmarried-air-stewardess-faces-jail-212650
She should holiday with her boyfriend in a country that accepts her and the way she lives her life and pay for it themselves.

Couple found out they were pregnant. UAE arrested them.

The problem is that Iryna Nohai, Emlyn Culverwell aren't married.

https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/03/10/couple-found-out-they-were-pregnant-uae-arrested-them/99001736

Newmum0322 · 14/04/2023 19:11

YANBU to expect him to pay his own way.

YABU to expect it just to be the 4 of you, especially when you want to holiday with your two adult children who will be starting to build lives of their own.

Quveas · 14/04/2023 19:13

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:31

DD said she would pay towards the price for his ticket & accommodation but we can top up the rest for him so in reality he is getting a free holiday she also said she was crying at work cos we said no & how will having her bf there affect things

It'll affect your bank balance. He's a freeloader. No self respecting person would even let their girl/ boy friend pay for them. She's welcome not to go with you. End of.

TheDogthatDug · 14/04/2023 19:14

Crying at work and very upset? She is 19 not 9. Tell her no and she will just have to suck it up

louderthan · 14/04/2023 19:15

Botw1 · 14/04/2023 18:31

How are 19 and 22 you affording dubai?

That's what I'm wondering (beside the point I know!!)

neilyoungismyhero · 14/04/2023 19:17

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

How old is she? How bloody embarrassing having to explain to her work colleagues what she's crying about..

momtoboys · 14/04/2023 19:17

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

Tell her to stay home with her boyfriend. Also, tell her that her boyfriend is taking the piss.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2023 19:22

Are there maybe trust issues between them? Her crying at work seems a bit of an overreaction, so I'm wondering if problems with trust from either or both of them is fueling the panic of being away from each other, hence the cringe worthy suggestion that you and DH chip in?

ShonaShoop · 14/04/2023 19:22

Why would you “invite” your DC to join you on a holiday that you expect them to pay for themselves?

If I said to my DC “I have a holiday planned to Dubai. You are invited to join me if you like. You have to pay your own fares and accomodation”. They’d be “WTF! Why would I want to pay for a holiday we can’t afford just because you are going? If we want to go on holiday we’ll choose our own destination at a time and price that suits us”.

My question is why does your DD think she has to join you on a “family holiday” that she cannot afford to have her loved one joining her?

It seems a bit strange to me tbh.

OP make it clear to DD you don’t expect her to join you and her DP isn’t welcome anyway. Give her the option to
opt out and plan her own holiday with her partner.

Justalittlebitduckling · 14/04/2023 19:23

Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 18:37

Well we have said absolutely not and now she’s said she’s missing out on a holiday and that we are being very unreasonable. Plus she was crying at work & is very upset

She needs to grow up. I can’t imagine her work will be very sympathetic.

suburbophobe · 14/04/2023 19:26

DD said she would pay towards the price for his ticket & accommodation but we can top up the rest for him so in reality he is getting a free holiday she also said she was crying at work cos we said no & how will having her bf there affect things

She sounds like an entitled drama queen. Crying at work?! WTF.

More importantly, why does she think she needs to pay for a man?? And you pay the rest?

Like someone upthread said, Dubai has extremely strict conditions, they do not look kindly on teenagers thinking they're in Western European/American type of lifestyle... It's not a teenage Southern European resort!

Women have been thrown in jail for being raped in Gulf states.

LIZS · 14/04/2023 19:27

Noone is excluding her, she just has to fund herself. It seems she could but would only come if bf can freeload! Not to spend time with you. Dubai is not a cheap holiday. She could probably fund a cheaper alternative for them both instead.

Iloveacurry · 14/04/2023 19:28

You’re not being unreasonable. She is. You asked if your children wanted to come but they had to pay for themselves. Fair enough. They could have said no. Why should you pay for her BF? If she doesn’t want to go without him, then she doesn’t go.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2023 19:36

No way would I be ok with my dd going to Dubai with a man she isn’t married to. Too risky. It’s fine until it isn’t. Could you do something else instead as a family? Not suggesting the bf should come.

Sewingdufus · 14/04/2023 19:38

Usually I would say include the BF. However he wasn’t invited, can’t pay his own way and with the highly restrictive laws in Dubai they couldn’t share a room.

No he shouldn’t be included.

MummyJ36 · 14/04/2023 19:39

Are you paying any right towards your DD and DS coming? If not it’s a slightly odd dynamic that you invite them on a family holiday to an expensive destination but expect them to pay for everything?

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 14/04/2023 19:41

MummyJ36 · 14/04/2023 19:39

Are you paying any right towards your DD and DS coming? If not it’s a slightly odd dynamic that you invite them on a family holiday to an expensive destination but expect them to pay for everything?

To be clear once again this wasn’t really intended as a family holiday we said to both son & daughter that these are the dates we are going Dubai you are both most welcome to come however as you are both working your ticket/accommodation would have to be paid for by yourselves as you are both working full time and earning very good money which they are both happy about anything else out there food/drinks/entertainment/water parks etc we would pay for them

OP posts:
CheshireCat1 · 14/04/2023 19:42

If he can’t afford a holiday he can’t have a holiday, simple.