children befriended by elderly man without adult close by

[Sum1els]

2 little kids sat in front of me at front of a bus, quietly joking around, doing kid stuff. No sign of a parent but they were ok.

Oldish fella gets on and sits across from them, see's them joking about, strikes up a conversation with them.

He was friendly enough and they quickly seemed at ease after he asked em a few questions, wheres your mam (nannies downstairs) oh you have a nanny (so he clearly didnt know them), where have you been (Cinema), what film etc, then asking them about movies etc. Goes on for 5 or so minutes.

Anyways, while chatting, kid drops a big tub of popcorn on the floor, picks it up. Guy comments on a picture on the tub, kid doesnt understand, so guy reaches across to the kids seat and touches the picture he meant on the tub, while its on the kids lap.

I know there's no law against talking to kids, but once you start invading personal space like that, when you can easily just explain what you mean seemed really creepy to me.

So i asked him to leave them alone.

He said he wasn't doing anything wrong, he didnt touch them and that he is a teacher and has had all his checks done

Im a bloke btw

What do you think is acceptable and not in situations with unaccompanied children?

Are we too over protective of kids or is it right to be suspicious?

Personally i wouldnt chat to an unaccompanied child unless they needed help or spoke to me first, and even then i would keep my answers simple and if they continued Id gently advise them not to talk to strangers.

Oh - and read the thread before barging in.

Yeah, if you'd seen some of the things I've seen. I've come across several sex offenders now. One specifically was into babies, and even offered to babysit mine but I felt the red flags - then months afterwards he got arrested.

I'd rather be savvy and cynical and keep children safe, thanks.

How ridiculous of you, OP. Get a grip. The man was just being friendly (it's what we of the older generation are like). He probably had grandchildren of his own.

Why so aggressive?

Im not naive in the slightest. Just capable of common sense and critical thought. And actually it was the nanny who I don’t think especially well of in this situation, I would never have my charges out of sight like that on the bus. Peados being a reason quite far down the list in likely scenarios that might occur where I wasn’t keeping an eye on them.

You knew that person, clearly.

Hence he wasn’t a stranger. Or on a bus.

This

It’s common sense. You didn’t read it but still you charged in with your views. 🙄

Ah I hate the idea of my grandfather, a gregarious former teacher who loved children and a chat with them, especially in his lonely old age, made to feel like he’d done something wrong as you made this poor man feel. YABVU.

I've now read the whole thread, thank you. You've made 14 comments (and counting) in just the last two pages. Very rudely denouncing any pro-safeguarding commenter, with personal remarks. Eg telling me it'd be horrid to live in my head.

What do you think that looks like...?

Same.

Im a big believer in trusting your instincts though OP so think there’s probably a good reason this caught your attention.

So I totally get where you're coming from but in answer to (one of) your questions yes I would on occasion talk to unaccompanied children. This is perhaps the one area of public life where 'mum privilege' is kind of a real thing. Perhaps in your shoes I wouldn't.

I think your instinct that there are boundaries and sometimes people cross them is valid but misguided in this instance.

"chatting up" a girl alone is one to watch out for. Guys can be kind of crap at figuring out girls ages I was 10 the first time an adult guy made the fact he was attracted to me my problem. Only after I'd grown up did more of the pieces fall into place and I got that he was a teenage boy probably no more than 17 or 18 who was potentially looking to date me. At the time it was terrifying I just knew he was too friendly and lying.

My little boy and I always say hello to the retired elderly man who lives across the road. We even took him a slice of DS’s birthday cake after I mentioned in passing it was his birthday and he was asking what sort of cake I might make. He has grandchildren of his own but doesn’t see them often as they’re abroad. It’s nice. I don’t have any grandparents left. Never once occurred to me that I should ignore him incase he’s a peado.

It’s an open forum, not the school common room.

Maybe he was up to no good, but hey let's get upset because someone was looking out for children, children who may not have wanted to talk to a stranger or allow him to touch their things, but didn't feel they could tell him to go away!

Yes but your sons where with you, not alone and unable to refuse to talk to people.

Oh dear, maybe you didn't read what I wrote. The man got arrested for sex offences. Against strangers' children. Not my child. Not relatives. He perved on babies and toddlers. He is now banned from soft plays and playgrounds, as part of his sexual harms precention order. These men exist.

I'm not explaining this for your benefit: I've done an AS and you are rude and sarcastic to everyone. I'm explaining this to reassure the OP and for the benefit of others reading.

How did he access stranger's babies and toddlers? They're not usually allowed out on their own?

It wasn't on the bus, no. I'm not giving you his name because he was a friend of a friend and it would be identifying. My point was that creeps are everywhere.

You're trying (I think?) to "prove" that the man on the bus couldn't be a creep. And that therefore I'm wrong. None of us can know. The point of safeguarding is to weigh up risks. The only "risk" in what OP did was offending the man.

You can type ironic confused emoji at my story again if you like. It was deeply distressing at the time.

I'd rather be savvy and cynical and keep children safe, thanks.

Scolding an older man on a bus doesn't keep anyone safe! Their caregiver was on the same bus, and there was OP sat behind. As others have said, they get off the bus and go their separate ways. What was the risk here?

You've heard horrid things that have happened so let's be hostile to every adult who interacts with a child.

I didn't want his name! 😂
The "risk" in this case was negligible.

Can I just get some clarification on the ages of children we’re to use to eradicate loneliness in the elderly? Mine are under 10, will they be participating? Do the younger ones spend less time than the older ones? Will the children also be responsible for sorting out social care while they are dealing with the loneliness issue? 🙄🙄🙄

Child abusers do not abuse every time they have contact with a child. They are known to “prepare the child for the next one” ie push boundaries even if they personally don’t get the chance to do anything so the next abuser has less to do. Vile but true.

Those of you saying most abuse is carried out by people known to the child, are you completely blind to stranger abuse? Do you think you just don’t need to worry about it as it hardly ever happens? If you think it is something to consider, how are you teaching that to your children? “Strangers are usually not dangerous and you must speak to all old people. Talk to old men on buses as they’re lovely, but just keep an eye out for the odd one that might be a sexual predator. No, I don’t know who they are but I’m sure you’ll be able to tell”.

And before anyone else’s decides I live a really sad life, my DC will talk to anyone, are brilliant conversationalists, have been taught to trust their instincts with people, always know who the “official” people are when we’re out and know to ask mums with children or “grannies” for help if they get lost etc. When they talk to people I am always there to suss people out. If some grandpa type started up a conversation with them and I saw no threat from him then we’d have a great chat which would probably send him to sleep with the random stream of stuff they’d say to him. If he gave off dodgy vibes we’d politely leave him to it. If I were on a bus, saw the same situation and got the same feeling id probably say something too. I am not about to let my children get into dangerous situations at the risk of not being nice to a stranger.

Im guessing this will answer your question ”He is now banned from soft plays and playgrounds, as part of his sexual harms precention order”

What soft play lets a man in without a child?