children befriended by elderly man without adult close by

[Sum1els]

2 little kids sat in front of me at front of a bus, quietly joking around, doing kid stuff. No sign of a parent but they were ok.

Oldish fella gets on and sits across from them, see's them joking about, strikes up a conversation with them.

He was friendly enough and they quickly seemed at ease after he asked em a few questions, wheres your mam (nannies downstairs) oh you have a nanny (so he clearly didnt know them), where have you been (Cinema), what film etc, then asking them about movies etc. Goes on for 5 or so minutes.

Anyways, while chatting, kid drops a big tub of popcorn on the floor, picks it up. Guy comments on a picture on the tub, kid doesnt understand, so guy reaches across to the kids seat and touches the picture he meant on the tub, while its on the kids lap.

I know there's no law against talking to kids, but once you start invading personal space like that, when you can easily just explain what you mean seemed really creepy to me.

So i asked him to leave them alone.

He said he wasn't doing anything wrong, he didnt touch them and that he is a teacher and has had all his checks done

Im a bloke btw

What do you think is acceptable and not in situations with unaccompanied children?

Are we too over protective of kids or is it right to be suspicious?

Personally i wouldnt chat to an unaccompanied child unless they needed help or spoke to me first, and even then i would keep my answers simple and if they continued Id gently advise them not to talk to strangers.

When my DC were young, sometimes, but not often, a complete stranger would strike up a conversation with them. I would try to explain later that only talk briefly, and not to give away too much information, however nice the person was, such as we live at xyz, and are going on holiday tomorrow, and we leave the key here, .... etc.
I also tried to explain, who exactly a 'stranger' is, because the person walking their dog in the park, who we greet everyday, is still relatively a stranger.
So although I told them that most adults were kind, I also tried to warn them that the 'nasty' people pretend they are nice, etc.
As parents, this was something we did as an ongoing basis, and we included in that, 'if you get lost in the shopping centre', the best person to approach for help. It is always a compromise between protecting children and not frightening them too much.
And also never to go inside someone's house (even a neighbour), unless we knew where they were.
Nowadays the pickup from school is more focused on child protection (I have been questioned when picking up DGC and they asked to wait while they checked their list, as my DDIL had forgotton to ring the school first). When my DC were young, I would explain who else may ever pick them up from school if I was not available, and no one else, etc

YABVU

Christ, no wonder so many elderly people are lonely.

Instead, time is spent befriending the child: becoming someone friendly and approachable. They are often hailed as someone trusted by the family. Physical contact is gradual and completely innocuous at first, hand on shoulder, ruffling hair and so on
Do you imagine this guy takes the same bus every day hoping the same two kids are sitting upstairs? Grooming, my arse.

Probably. Or he just goes to any strange kids he can find.

Oh but silly me, sex abuse doesn’t happen, does it? Children lie all the time and poor man was probably just lonely

It's reasonable to worry, but a more measured response would be
to join in the chat so a potential pervert knew you'd clocked him.
To say something to the nanny of you needed to get off before the kids,
To watch till the DC or man left if you were able to.

It's good to be vigilant, but doesn't need to be vigilante!

He wasn't 'befriending' them, he was chatting. Befriending someone takes a lot longer than a bus trip.

Oh fuck off. "Invading personal space" was just pointing to a picture that happened to be on the child's lap. He didn't even touch the child's body in any way. YABVU and probably made that man feel like shit. Not everyone is a paedophile! If you have suspicions you watch and keep an eye on it, not interfere with completely innocent interaction!

What is wrong with you?

If my child came home from a bus journey telling me a friendly man chatted to them for ages. I wouldn’t be too pleased. Would people really be quite happy about this and think “oh that’s nice I am glad my child managed to cheer up this man’s day a bit”?

I would rather not use my child for that when I am not there.

I'm shocked at the idiocy of some of the responses. Talking to children doesn't make a person a pervert. It really doesn't.

You have to have a really warped view of humanity to think that way.

It was a bus with people on it, not a dark alleyway. Not a corner in a park. Public and open but still some want to stretch credulity until it breaks.

Lots of older people chatted to our DSs when we were out and about. It was lovely.

Speaking of gut feeling this thread has brought about a lot of posts with personal experiences and tips almost........

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick there op

But even if it is fairly harmless it’s difficult for a child to navigate this situation themselves. You all seem to assume the man was good at talking to children. Lots of people aren’t and ask questions that make them feel awkward. For especially shy worried children this is difficult for them

When DSis was nannying children of a different ethnicity, the amount of people who took it upon themselves to investigate, ask intrusive questions or shoot looks was ridiculous.

Conversely, one man on the bus who used to tell my kids how adorable they were while blanking me gave me very bad vibes. I didn’t say anything but didn’t let him near them

To clarify a few things mentioned

• The bus was nearly full when i got on

• The bus stopped in the city centre and a lot of ppl got off and lot got on but i never looked behind to see if there were any spare seats, if there were i doubt there were many

• The kids got on at one stop and the elderly man the stop after

• The kids weren't loud or messing about, they were happily chatting

• I didnt accuse him of being a paedophile although i accept, asking him to leave them alone once he reached across from his seat to there's was tantamount to that, even if i did so quietly and politely.

• Im a support worker for adults with learning disabilities and have met and supported a number of customers (this is what we call them these days) who have been abused (sexually or otherwise), bullied, taken advantage of. There's some horrible people out there.

In hindsight I think im guilty of projecting those fears and over reacting when perhaps a more vigilante approach would've been better.

Not least because if he indeed was upto no good, I could've caught him doing something serious.

I think my fear was that that sort of stuff could happen later (he knows roughly were they live, he knows they have a nanny who isnt vigilant, he knows they respond to him and dont exhibit any 'stranger danger') and in this moment he was just testing boundaries and the least I fealt I could do was let him know he had been observed.

I feared not acting so much that I felt compelled to.

Fear.

OP, I think you’re getting a rough time. Something felt off to you and you politely intervened. The man’s defensive response feels OTT to me.

It really is cruel. Praying for once that this thread is fake, because this is really sad

Yes the defensive response is off. I know an elderly relative who would do this and if someone told him to leave the children alone his response would be complete confusion and not sure why he did anything wrong. Which would be the response of someone who genuinely meant no harm

I think if someone accused me of being a paedophile my response may be a tad defensive too.

The man did nothing wrong.

You were very rude.

No wonder nonces get away with hurting kids ffs, the man parked himself across from a couple of lone kids on a bus, why was that

Maybe he likes sitting at the front of the bus for the best views of where he's travelling.

Maybe it was the handiest seat.

Maybe they reminded him of his grandchildren.

Maybe he was worried that they were sitting unattended in front of a dodgy looking man who seemed over invested in what they were doing.

Who knows? But it's so sad that anyone automatically classes him as a possible 'nonce' 🙄 based on a brief interaction

Has anyone watched that show where they have young children who visit old people in a care home? Children tend to be less judgemental and open to conversation. Perhaps the man just wanted a bit of human interaction and felt safer chatting to a couple of young children than adults who tend to get defensive and weird (myself included) when someone wants to talk.

How can you live with such a depressing world view???? Men dont talk to children for innocent reasons - in other words, a man talking to a child is a nonce. Oh what a time to be alive

He said he was a teacher and has had all his checks done,
In which case I'd have thought he would be very aware of teaching children about 'stranger danger' or whatever it's called now,
Something doesn't sit right, I'd have felt the same as you, but in any case, I don't think you should worry about intervening,

I agree with @Lolapusht Yes it's sad we live in a world where we are suspicious in circumstances like this but sadly that is the world we live in and children have been lured off to something bad by would could seem like an innocent conversation. I think the man asking them about their mum etc was weird. Why did he ask that? Don't worry OP. You acted on what you thought was right at the time.

Children are in far more danger from family and family friends than they are from strangers on buses. Look at the statistics.