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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so upset? It's a birthday one.

297 replies

FuckParkdean · 13/04/2023 16:01

NC but regular poster etc.

My partner and I both have April birthdays. His at the start and mine today. It is our first birthdays within this relationship (does that even make sense?!). Anyway, for his birthday a week or so back, I spent a fair amount on him, day sitting for a tattoo, took the kids out (both have DD's from previous relationships) to pick him bits, had him a special cake made, went bowling as a family on me, took him out for dinner just the two of us and then spent the next day shopping with him. Balloons, banners etc because I wanted him to feel special and have a great weekend.

Today, nothing. We are away at a caravan resort with the DD's, I have cards from family and a present from DD (bought by her dad) and that's it. He hasn't wished me a happy birthday, I didn't get a lie in, no breakfast, nothing. I got up with the girls, did their breakfast, planned the day as we normally would on holiday (centred around the girls), came back from our first activity and made everyone lunch etc you get the point - business as usual for a mum. His dad said he had sent him some money for us to go out for dinner as a family tonight for my birthday, he's spent that on god knows what so once again I'll be fronting the bill for dinner. He hasn't said happy birthday but has put a card in front of me. But that's it. Not even a fairy cake with a candle in or a cup of tea and 20 minutes in bed whilst he gets up with the girls.

AIBU to feel so upset?? Or is 28 old and birthdays are done now? My marriage broke down on my 25th birthday and left me broken but this somehow tops that, I feel so unappreciated.

OP posts:
RiktheButler · 13/04/2023 16:04

He's done nothing for your first birthday together? I assume he has otherwise redeeming features? Sounds like a waste of space tbh

Wakemeuuuup · 13/04/2023 16:04

Haoppy birthday. Make this your last holiday with him, he won't improve so this is a glimpse into the future if you stay with him

SeulementUneFois · 13/04/2023 16:05

Ffs

He's using you as a skivvy.
Forget about the birthday, he's shit altogether.
And yes he's shit about the birthday.

youhavenoidea123 · 13/04/2023 16:05

First of all Happy Birthday 🥳

I'm sorry but this early in a relationship it would be the end for me.

Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 13/04/2023 16:05

Hmmm your efforts could be seen as OTT for some partners but his effort is completely shit.

What do you mean he’s spent the money from his dad on god knows what? That is not ok.

Cleoforever · 13/04/2023 16:06

How long have you been together?

ChaoticCrumble · 13/04/2023 16:07

He’s showing you who he is

nomoredriving · 13/04/2023 16:08

Happy birthday 🥳

But dump him immediately!

Treacletoots · 13/04/2023 16:08

On our first birthday together DH took us to Bruges for a lovely weekend.

It's not so much about the amount spent, but rather making the effort. I would have been just as happy with a trip to the seaside.

10 years later he still makes the effort to get me a thoughtful gift.

I'd throw this one back OP. He's already showing you he can't be arsed to make the effort for you.

AllOfThemWitches · 13/04/2023 16:08

Well he sounds nice

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 13/04/2023 16:08

I’m sorry but get shot of him.

Eatentoomanyroses · 13/04/2023 16:09

Sounds like he got himself a ‘mother figure’ to do the heavy lifting for his dd and doesn’t think much of you beyond that.
Not your husband. No kids with him. Fairly easy to kick him to the curb. You can’t buy his affection. I never spent much on boyfriends birthdays.

Patchworksack · 13/04/2023 16:12

At least you won’t waste a whole year of your life on him. He spent birthday money intended for you on something else and doesn’t even acknowledge your birthday?? If he doesn’t surprise you tonight with dinner, flowers etc in some ‘you didn’t think I’d forgotten’ thing then dump his lazy arse tomorrow.

RampantIvy · 13/04/2023 16:15

His dad sounds nicer than his son.
Are you paying for everything on this holiday?

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 16:16

NTA. He cant show up for your first birthday together after all you did for him? Make it your last holiday with him OP, its downhill from here.

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 13/04/2023 16:18

nomoredriving · 13/04/2023 16:08

Happy birthday 🥳

But dump him immediately!

Beautifully put!

Nousernamesleftatall · 13/04/2023 16:18

Run for the hills. He is using you.

GBoucher · 13/04/2023 16:22

That's shocking. Made no effort for your birthday and even spent the money his dad gave him to take you out for dinner?? Wtaf. I would dump him.

Cleoforever · 13/04/2023 16:23

And this is why it’s best to wait before introducing the kids, and holidaying and socialising as a “family”

Because now the DDs will likely suddenly never see each other again having spent a great deal of time together

Added to which Op, you’ve spent a small fortune on someone you hardly know that could have been channeled towards your DD

Ponoka7 · 13/04/2023 16:24

Well he's found himself a mug, hasn't he? How long have you know him all together? With his lack of care, I don't know if I'd want him looking after your DD so quickly, even if he has a DD.

Tarantullah · 13/04/2023 16:25

I mean there is sometimes a mismatch, sounds like you went all out for his and it could be that he finds birthdays less of a big deal; but to do absolutely nothing is bloody horrible, selfish and shows how little he thinks of you. Even a card and a lie in, a small present or arranging something fun to do to celebrate would be fine.

Along with what else you've said I'd move on in honesty.

MinnieEgg · 13/04/2023 16:25

Come on, this is ridiculous. You are like a scullery maid in this relationship.

Aprilx · 13/04/2023 16:27

Well I do think you went really and unnecessarily over the top. Did you really get balloons and a banner for a 28th birthday? 😳

But then he is the other end of the effort spectrum. I don’t really expect much from my DH these days and I am not bothered, but for a first birthday together, this is pretty rubbish.

EscapeTheCastle · 13/04/2023 16:27

Keep calm You can't be upsetting the kids while you are all away on holiday.

Dump his arse as soon as you are home.

NualaMay · 13/04/2023 16:28

Happy birthday! 🥳
I agree with previous posters, if this is what you get for your first birthday in the relationship, I’d cut your losses and run now. Sorry.

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