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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset? It's a birthday one.

297 replies

FuckParkdean · 13/04/2023 16:01

NC but regular poster etc.

My partner and I both have April birthdays. His at the start and mine today. It is our first birthdays within this relationship (does that even make sense?!). Anyway, for his birthday a week or so back, I spent a fair amount on him, day sitting for a tattoo, took the kids out (both have DD's from previous relationships) to pick him bits, had him a special cake made, went bowling as a family on me, took him out for dinner just the two of us and then spent the next day shopping with him. Balloons, banners etc because I wanted him to feel special and have a great weekend.

Today, nothing. We are away at a caravan resort with the DD's, I have cards from family and a present from DD (bought by her dad) and that's it. He hasn't wished me a happy birthday, I didn't get a lie in, no breakfast, nothing. I got up with the girls, did their breakfast, planned the day as we normally would on holiday (centred around the girls), came back from our first activity and made everyone lunch etc you get the point - business as usual for a mum. His dad said he had sent him some money for us to go out for dinner as a family tonight for my birthday, he's spent that on god knows what so once again I'll be fronting the bill for dinner. He hasn't said happy birthday but has put a card in front of me. But that's it. Not even a fairy cake with a candle in or a cup of tea and 20 minutes in bed whilst he gets up with the girls.

AIBU to feel so upset?? Or is 28 old and birthdays are done now? My marriage broke down on my 25th birthday and left me broken but this somehow tops that, I feel so unappreciated.

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 14/04/2023 20:02

His dad said he had sent him some money for us to go out for dinner as a family tonight for my birthday, he's spent that on god knows what so once again I'll be fronting the bill for dinner.

His dad sounds lovely, he however sounds like an egocentric dumpable offence.

You? paying for dinner??!! Not only has he embezzled his father's kind gesture to pay for dinner but expects you to cough up for all of you. Fuck that.

Never mind expecting you to take over the care of HIS daughter.

Dump and don't get involved with a man so selfish again. Remember, you are teaching your daughter valuable lessons for her future.

ThereIbledit · 14/04/2023 20:12

"Not the first red flag"...?

Original poster
FuckParkdean · 14/04/2023 20:22

Again, thanks for all of the feedback. Mostly constructive, which I really appreciate, others not so much and very assumption but I also appreciate that with no background info on myself, my position in life etc then all assumptions are fair to make.

This is the last I will comment as I've had plenty of feedback that has helped me assess the situation and cleared my head a lot, so I can make a decision from here with the support of all of your opinions.

Thanks you all and thank you for the birthday wishes! My brother is taking me for dinner tomorrow night and I'm very excited Grin

OP posts:
Pippylongstock · 14/04/2023 20:40

Wow what an absolute arse. If he isn’t making any effort for the first birthday he isn’t going to do it again. You need to walk away from this, he is clearly getting you to do the parenting for his DD as well. Good luck

Thebigblueballoon · 14/04/2023 20:43

FuckParkdean · 14/04/2023 20:22

Again, thanks for all of the feedback. Mostly constructive, which I really appreciate, others not so much and very assumption but I also appreciate that with no background info on myself, my position in life etc then all assumptions are fair to make.

This is the last I will comment as I've had plenty of feedback that has helped me assess the situation and cleared my head a lot, so I can make a decision from here with the support of all of your opinions.

Thanks you all and thank you for the birthday wishes! My brother is taking me for dinner tomorrow night and I'm very excited Grin

Good luck, let us know what you decide! Enjoy your dinner with your brother.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/04/2023 20:48

Bin him. Raise your standards. And stop going over the top with banners and balloons etc for the next one.

StaunchMomma · 14/04/2023 21:07

What a shame, OP. I'm sure this has put a serious dent in your day.

It is a quite large red flag that he has made little to no effort, and telling you that he has been sent money to take you out and has then spent it so you have to pay for your own birthday meal Outrageous!

I'm sure you deserve much better.

StaunchMomma · 14/04/2023 21:09

Also, I too like banners and will put up a balloon arch to celebrate literally anything!

It's big pay off for little effort, plus it makes the place look cheerful!

Thinking2022 · 14/04/2023 21:41

I hope you can walk away head high and don't allow this to reflect on you

threatmatrix · 14/04/2023 23:05

It’s good to know this early on, run for the hills it’s only going to go downhill.

Wantosleep39 · 14/04/2023 23:37

PooCurtain · 13/04/2023 16:29

He’s given you the best gift - an insight into what life with him will be like.

Now give yourself the best gift you can. Dump the fucker and find someone who treats you right.

And don’t get your child/ren involved until you know him properly.

Testina · 15/04/2023 00:11

“business as usual for a mum”

Nope.

Business as usual for a martyr who chooses to put up with shite 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mamanyt · 15/04/2023 00:13

If it were me, I'd dump him. LOL, now, if I were in a particularly evil frame of mind, I might actually stick it out until the next "occasion," say nothing about it, and at the end of the day, say, "OH...I thought this was how you wanted it, since you didn't mark my birthday. Let's make this occasion special by you getting entirely out of my life." But then...that would mean having to share a home and life with him until. Nah, just dump him.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 15/04/2023 00:30

FuckParkdean · 14/04/2023 20:22

Again, thanks for all of the feedback. Mostly constructive, which I really appreciate, others not so much and very assumption but I also appreciate that with no background info on myself, my position in life etc then all assumptions are fair to make.

This is the last I will comment as I've had plenty of feedback that has helped me assess the situation and cleared my head a lot, so I can make a decision from here with the support of all of your opinions.

Thanks you all and thank you for the birthday wishes! My brother is taking me for dinner tomorrow night and I'm very excited Grin

Happy birthday and I hope you enjoy the meal!!!
Best wishes for whatever you decide to do 💐

Fraaahnces · 15/04/2023 01:54

I hope you have a great time with your brother. Happy belated bday! I hate bdays now because of the way mine were treated when I was growing up. (Especially in comparison to my brother’s - one year he received an electric guitar, leads, bags, an amplifier, a trolley for dragging it around, etc… a party with lots of his druggie friends who stole my stuff, and for mine I was given $5 aud tied to a bag of radishes. “Do you know how hard it is to find radishes?” (I had bought them myself.) I have learned that this is genuinely how much people value you. For my 50th, despite my sour, “Grinch” bday attitude, I had people fly from Europe and interstate to surprise me, all organised by my lovely husband and kids. My teenagers had gone shopping and bought all my fave foods and prepared everything and I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. I was speechless for most of the night.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/04/2023 03:02

Enjoy your meal with your brother.

There was a suggestion in the responses that you do the freedom programme. Please have a look at that. It helps women have happy healthy relationships

LadyRoughDiamond · 15/04/2023 04:08

Nope. You’ve been together less than a year; he’s, basically, failed the audition.

MrsRickAstley · 15/04/2023 04:51

I know you said last comment but for those invested & out of interest, what decision did you make ?

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 06:52

Your poor daughter OP

Ilovecleaning · 15/04/2023 07:32

Nothing original to add. I back all the posts that say ‘get rid.’ He just doesn’t care x

ScreamingInfidelities · 15/04/2023 07:39

Have you chucked him yet though?

T1Dmama · 15/04/2023 12:45

@FuckParkdean would be nice to update on your decision.
Im assuming the back story is something like the kids go to school together and that’s how you two met…. Or you were his ex wife’s best friend lol

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 15:40

ScreamingInfidelities · 15/04/2023 07:39

Have you chucked him yet though?

Not. A. Chance

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 15:40

The only way this relationship will end is when he leaves her for another woman

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 15:40

Rinse and repeat