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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset? It's a birthday one.

297 replies

FuckParkdean · 13/04/2023 16:01

NC but regular poster etc.

My partner and I both have April birthdays. His at the start and mine today. It is our first birthdays within this relationship (does that even make sense?!). Anyway, for his birthday a week or so back, I spent a fair amount on him, day sitting for a tattoo, took the kids out (both have DD's from previous relationships) to pick him bits, had him a special cake made, went bowling as a family on me, took him out for dinner just the two of us and then spent the next day shopping with him. Balloons, banners etc because I wanted him to feel special and have a great weekend.

Today, nothing. We are away at a caravan resort with the DD's, I have cards from family and a present from DD (bought by her dad) and that's it. He hasn't wished me a happy birthday, I didn't get a lie in, no breakfast, nothing. I got up with the girls, did their breakfast, planned the day as we normally would on holiday (centred around the girls), came back from our first activity and made everyone lunch etc you get the point - business as usual for a mum. His dad said he had sent him some money for us to go out for dinner as a family tonight for my birthday, he's spent that on god knows what so once again I'll be fronting the bill for dinner. He hasn't said happy birthday but has put a card in front of me. But that's it. Not even a fairy cake with a candle in or a cup of tea and 20 minutes in bed whilst he gets up with the girls.

AIBU to feel so upset?? Or is 28 old and birthdays are done now? My marriage broke down on my 25th birthday and left me broken but this somehow tops that, I feel so unappreciated.

OP posts:
BurntOutGirl · 13/04/2023 17:35

My god... if this is the first birthday.... it really isn't going to improve!!

If your happy to do all the grunt work for the DC and pay for everything.. as he obviously isn't financially sound... then stay with him.

Heronwatcher · 13/04/2023 17:35

Sounds like he doesn’t give a stuff TBH. And birthday or no birthday why are you doing everything anyway, especially for his DC, are you his girlfriend or a maid? And I know you had good intentions but why are you going so mad for his birthday, sorry if this sounds harsh but it could come across a bit desperate.

Sorry to say but I think this one might not be a keeper.

MysteryBelle · 13/04/2023 17:36

Op, you don’t see it right now, but I hope you realize soon that this guy is not a keeper. You should drop him asap. In fact, if I were you, I’d cut the vacation short and go home. He’s not even worth another moment of your time. You went way overboard for his birthday as it is a new relationship. In fact, you did more than practically anybody I’ve ever heard of for their spouse (beyond extremist examples)! He then did nothing. My husband makes an effort to find a very nice card and writes a bunch of lovely stuff in it, flowers, at least one present he’s spent time looking for that he knows I will like. One year on our anniversary he gave me one of those blank journals that he filled partly with pictures of us throughout our courtship and marriage with captions/paragraphs that he wrote telling me why he loves me, hopes and dreams for the future.

But let me tell you, I did go through some losers first in my life and that is how I know the difference! Op, please don’t waste your life on idiots. Think of the wonderful life you could have with a gorgeous, kind, thoughtful man who puts you first. They do exist!

Pallisers · 13/04/2023 17:38

He is using you. It suits him fine to have a woman with a daughter help him out with childcare but that is it for him. He is a loser and user.

Move on.

Invadersmustdie · 13/04/2023 17:41

Come on OP no one is this desperate for a man. If he can sense your desperation then you have no chance. This is as good as its going to get. Not even commenting on the fact that you are doing everything. What some women will tolerate. Its beyond me.

TempName247 · 13/04/2023 17:43

How do you know he has spent the meal money and why would you be expected to pay for him and his daughter?

flowerbob · 13/04/2023 17:47

Just unacceptable. I know as an adult that birthdays are supposed to not matter as much but to me it's the THOUGHT behind it rather than expensive presents. Like you said, he could have made a cuppa and brought it into you in bed and sang Happy Birthday with the DD's. Costs nothing but makes you feel special

hobbledyhoy · 13/04/2023 17:47

Not everyone goes overboard with bells and whistles but to not even acknowledge it's your birthday by 4pm in the afternoon is exceptionally strange.

Give yourself a birthday gift and get rid.

Americano75 · 13/04/2023 17:47

Give yourself a birthday gift and get shot of this worthless oxygen thief. Trust me, you'll be much happier.

Americano75 · 13/04/2023 17:48

hobbledyhoy · 13/04/2023 17:47

Not everyone goes overboard with bells and whistles but to not even acknowledge it's your birthday by 4pm in the afternoon is exceptionally strange.

Give yourself a birthday gift and get rid.

Great minds!

CheeseFiend40 · 13/04/2023 17:48

Your post has irritated me on so many levels!
You made lunch because that’s “business as usual for a mum”. Sorry, what??!! My husband does the majority of the meal prep in our house cos we don’t live in Victorian times.
You went way over the top for his birthday considering you’ve not even been together for a year. He can’t even bring himself to say the words ‘happy birthday’ as a bare minimum and you need random strangers on the internet to tell you if he’s a waste of space?

He’s shown you who he is, he’s not going to change.

Hell121 · 13/04/2023 17:49

Well he is a catch isn’t he?! He is showing you who he is - first holiday (agree with other posters this is way too soon with kids involved) and this is how you are treated. You must know what he has spent your birthday money from his dad on if you are with him 24/7 on holiday or has he swanned off leaving you with the kids? Get rid before you find yourself footing the bill for this cocklodger and skivvying for him and his child for many more years

offyoufuckcuntychops · 13/04/2023 17:50

I would dump someone on the spot if they started all the balloons and birthday banners stuff, not to mention going overboard generally - but more to the point, you and he are absolutely mismatched, and you need to split up.

Don't introduce your child to a new "partner" so soon next time.

And I didn't know what "day sitting for a tattoo" meant, either. I still couldn't work out who had the tattoo, but a man with a tattoo would be even worse than a birthday banner and balloons. He hasn't even got any money to make himself slightly more palatable. Confused

Mariposista · 13/04/2023 17:50

Give yourself the best birthday present you could wish for and dump this stupid immature twat.

Mariposista · 13/04/2023 17:51

And take yourself off to the cinema and coffee/cake with your daughter.

Dishwashersaurous · 13/04/2023 17:52

Please prioritise your young child.

Go home and stop this now.

MysteryBelle · 13/04/2023 17:55

Please tell us you didn’t get a tattoo for this loser or sit all day and pay for him to get a tattoo. The assaults to common sense are piled high in your op!

Noicant · 13/04/2023 17:59

Dump, I’m not that bothered by presents etc but I do expect a bit of consideration on a normal day let alone my birthday.

IcedBananas · 13/04/2023 18:00

Gosh this is bad. I’m sorry but you need to dump this one. Don’t waste anymore time and energy on him

Flamesbegin · 13/04/2023 18:04

Not to run salt in the wound but for my first birthday with DH, he organised child care for my child with my mum, and took me for Florence for five days in school.holidays as I work in a school. If first birthdays are like this, what will the rest be like?

Jellifulfruit · 13/04/2023 18:05

Happy birthday gal! ❤️❤️❤️

Do not settle for this shitheap. I don’t care if he once saved a kitten from a tree or makes you orgasm into the high heavens…. He’s clearly quite a shit bloke deep down and it’ll only get worse. Save yourself and your sanity

Marztops · 13/04/2023 18:06

I gather You’re together less than a year? Yera he sounds like a waste of space. Do you need him around for some reason?

Bergan · 13/04/2023 18:07

Why has his dad sent him money so you can all go out for dinner???

Get shot of him, he sitting on his arse laughing up his sleeve at you, he has it nice and cushty, whilst your running about after all of you.

Bergan · 13/04/2023 18:07

Oh and happy birthday my darling, make next year a better one than this xx

PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/04/2023 18:07

It was my birthday 2 months into our relationship and dh took us to Spain for a week.A basic hotel but an absolutely lovely and unexpected gesture.
Hes not making effort I'd get rid.