Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis is neglecting her own child

410 replies

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 15:33

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
jibbe · 13/04/2023 17:26

Social services have been involved previously so that should be all you have to say to her

DuesExMachina · 13/04/2023 17:26

Oh just ring SS.

This isn't about your sister anymore.

Misspacorabanne · 13/04/2023 17:27

Op you have only messed up if you don’t report this! Honestly seems like you’re not going to do it! At least report to the school so they can do the right thing! Your poor nephew!!

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 13/04/2023 17:27

The child clearly needs a doctor.

You are not the only one with this opnion.

The child is being neglected and you are doing nothing.

If you fear someone could lose their kid if SS were involved. That is the exact reason you should ring SS. You know that independent assessment would consider it neglect & the child is at risk.

Her reluctance makes me really suspicious. Any chance the child has been punched in the stomach or chest?

If something serious happens and you didn't do enough, how will you feel? Please act now.

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:28

I'm currently talking to dmum. She is going to talk to my sister and give her one last chance

If she doesn't do what's right I've got two options

Show up at her house and speak to her face to face

Or threaten ss involvement and lose dsis

OP posts:
IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 13/04/2023 17:29

Has been otherwise unwell? Coughing until I threw up was the first proper indication I had that I had pneumonia rather than a nasty cold. I was also feverish.

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:29

Stop faffing around on the internet and worrying about messing up! Phone ss now ffs

Boomboom22 · 13/04/2023 17:29

Could be coeliac disease, my 3yr old kept throwing up and he needs a gf diet. Needs a blood test.

JustDanceAddict · 13/04/2023 17:30

JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:24

not a dr but could he have whooping cough?

I thought that too, but whatever it is he needs to see a GP. I think I’d have to report to school if no other avenues.

DuesExMachina · 13/04/2023 17:31

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:28

I'm currently talking to dmum. She is going to talk to my sister and give her one last chance

If she doesn't do what's right I've got two options

Show up at her house and speak to her face to face

Or threaten ss involvement and lose dsis

You have one option: Ring SS.

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:32

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:28

I'm currently talking to dmum. She is going to talk to my sister and give her one last chance

If she doesn't do what's right I've got two options

Show up at her house and speak to her face to face

Or threaten ss involvement and lose dsis

Why are you not looking for help this minute? Why are you keeping this child's pain hidden? Why are you so worried about upsetting your sister?

Hoppingmad231 · 13/04/2023 17:32

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 16:53

@IForgotMyUsernameAgain coughing. To the point that he can't breath and throws up

If he's coughing to the point of being sick it could well be asthma which would explain why its gotten worse over half term and the weather changing asthma an become worse in summer months. Off course it might not be that but he deffo needs a check up do all you can to get him it.

JennyBee23 · 13/04/2023 17:33

Stop faffing about with "threats" and phone the social. How will you live with yourself if that poor boy chokes and dies in his sleep (like you said was worrying you).

better an alive child with a pissed off sister than a dead child and it all somehow being your fault anyway.

Misspacorabanne · 13/04/2023 17:33

For gods sake op! Get a bloody grip! You’re as bad as your mother! Honestly! You have no intention of reporting as you’re too scared of upsetting your sister! I hope your poor nephew is ok! Stop giving her chances, there’s something strange going on, the chance has gone talking to your sister and mother and giving a last chance! If you stand by and do nothing then you’re as bad as the rest of them!!

DuesExMachina · 13/04/2023 17:34

Misspacorabanne · 13/04/2023 17:33

For gods sake op! Get a bloody grip! You’re as bad as your mother! Honestly! You have no intention of reporting as you’re too scared of upsetting your sister! I hope your poor nephew is ok! Stop giving her chances, there’s something strange going on, the chance has gone talking to your sister and mother and giving a last chance! If you stand by and do nothing then you’re as bad as the rest of them!!

THIS!

Just fucking ring SS!

Strawberrydelight78 · 13/04/2023 17:35

It's medical neglect has he been sick in school? Most schools have a 48 hour rule.

randomuser2019 · 13/04/2023 17:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:36

call the out of hours sw pls.

Exhibity · 13/04/2023 17:37

I can't see that your mum will have any more luck than you did .

Gardeningdogs · 13/04/2023 17:38

FFS get off your arse and do something to help your nephew!! My mother went against her family and actively fought for her nieces children to be taken from her because of neglect (2 autistic children being locked in bedroom out of the way, no attempts to potty train at 4 years old etc) It was a slow process and ss were ridiculously hogtied in what they were able to do (in Ireland, ss had to make an appointment to see her and the children, they couldn't just turn up, if they did she didn't have to let them in), eventually a neighbour rang my mother (4am) to say the niece and boyfriend were fighting, shouting and screaming at each other and the neighbour was scared for the children so my mother rang the Garda and warned them to bring a social worker. The children were removed to foster care and have never returned, they see there parents occasionally but are absolutely thriving, both in main stream schools, happy and healthy, it was the absolute best outcome because the parents haven't got themselves together despite help being offered by ss. You need to be the responsible adult here, take the chance that your family will fall out with you but please look after the poor child

MyPurpleHeart · 13/04/2023 17:38

You're trying things you have tried before and expecting a different result. Don't leave it until its too late and look back and say, I should have done something. Just do it.

JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:39

Boomboom22 · 13/04/2023 17:29

Could be coeliac disease, my 3yr old kept throwing up and he needs a gf diet. Needs a blood test.

it could be a lot of things.

randomuser2019 · 13/04/2023 17:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Travelfan2021 · 13/04/2023 17:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

AgrathaChristie · 13/04/2023 17:39

Coughing to the point of vomiting warrants prompt medical attention. Anything that interferes with a child’s breathing is potentially very serious. I’m not a doctor or nurse so I’m not going to guess at what “ coughing illnesses “ your nephew could have but you need to get this child help asap.

Swipe left for the next trending thread