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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis is neglecting her own child

410 replies

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 15:33

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Createausername1970 · 13/04/2023 16:34

Report to SS anonymously. You don't have to tell anyone you have done it.

Exhibity · 13/04/2023 16:39

@whyhelloo the op said it's been going on for a year.

whyhelloo · 13/04/2023 16:41

@Exhibity RTFT

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 13/04/2023 16:41

As someone who was seriously neglected by their parents as a young child I’ll say two things to you…

1 - you’re an adult. He’s 6. He can’t protect himself. If you and your Mum - his aunt and grandmother - won’t then who will?

2 - I’m in my 40s. There are still several ‘grown ups’ on the periphery of my life who have a look of guilt every time I see them because they didn’t do anything and what they saw turned out to be the tip of the iceberg. They’ve never forgiven themselves.

And to be blunt, I’ve never forgiven them either. And I was essentially rescued when I was 7.

herlightmaterials · 13/04/2023 16:42

I think you must contact SS and send a letter to his school detailing all your concerns so they will have to do something as well.

Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2023 16:43

Frankly I would happily be ostracised from my family in the process of protecting a child.

I don’t want people who’d let a child knowingly suffer in my life.

If my mother has done that my grandmother would’ve had be out of the house and at a doctor herself.

randomuser2019 · 13/04/2023 16:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Floppyelf · 13/04/2023 16:45

Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2023 16:43

Frankly I would happily be ostracised from my family in the process of protecting a child.

I don’t want people who’d let a child knowingly suffer in my life.

If my mother has done that my grandmother would’ve had be out of the house and at a doctor herself.

this x 100

billy1966 · 13/04/2023 16:46

1FootInTheRave · 13/04/2023 16:26

Your mother is a disgrace.

Action this or you too are complicit in the abuse of these children.

This.

What an utter waste of space your mother is.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree with your sister.

Have you googled his symptoms?

Is it a gluten intolerance that is making him so ill?

PrincessScarlett · 13/04/2023 16:47

Your mother is an absolute disgrace enabling your sister like this. Unfortunately you will have to report this to social services if noone else in the family will help your poor nephew. How terrible for him that he's been vomitting for a year and noone seems to care. He could have a very serious illness and if he's vomitting so much he must be in some form of pain.

YouWithoutEnd · 13/04/2023 16:48

Doesn’t fit the MO for Munchausens by Proxy, which is driven the proxy seeking attention from HCP’s, etc.

OP’s Sister is actively avoiding medical attention, not courting it!

CheshireCat1 · 13/04/2023 16:49

It’s all of our duty to protect children, elderly and the vulnerable. Ring the NSPCC, they will help, you can do it anonymously, they’ll support the family.

IForgotMyUsernameAgain · 13/04/2023 16:50

What symptoms has he got? Can you be sure that the vomiting is related given that it's a new development?

Have you asked her why she thinks he is fine?

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 16:52

Dsis has become defensive and now told me to leave her alone and blocked me. She is insisting he is fine. The other day she told everyone she was going to take him to the drs. The sudden switch makes no sense and makes me feel uneasy

OP posts:
tattygrl · 13/04/2023 16:52

Do something.

When you're in a dilemma like this, you've got to think through the course of each of your options.

Thinking in that way, you have to acknowledge that if you don't say anything, and your nephew is at risk, you will have to live with knowing you could have stepped in and blown the whistle but didn't. That's the reality. I don't think you have a choice really. You have valid reason to be concerned about a child. You have to report it.

Undethetree · 13/04/2023 16:52

OP you came here for advice. The advice us, overwhelmingly to contact social services/school other professionals.

Are you able to put our minds at rest and confirm that you will do this for a poor little boy?

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 16:53

@IForgotMyUsernameAgain coughing. To the point that he can't breath and throws up

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/04/2023 16:54

Report it to his school. Speak to the designated safeguarding lead. The school can then liaise with the appropriate people.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 13/04/2023 16:54

Ffs ring social services and report your concerns to nephews school so they can flag it.

She's hiding something.

IWishIWasABaller · 13/04/2023 16:54

Time to report to ss , you've tried reasoning and it hasn't worked.

Princessfuckingpeach · 13/04/2023 16:56

What where his symptoms prior?
I was hospitalised often as a child for episodes of vomting and extreme pain.
Usually after witnessing my mother almost die at the hands of my father, the anxiety was excruciating.
I was put on a morphine drip once, I don't remember, very young though.
The night before my father threw a wardrobe at my mum and the fear was so terrifying I manifested in physical pain.
I am not diagnosing this for your poor DN, but her shady behaviour makes me think she knows that something will be flagged should a professional be involved.

GGBOY · 13/04/2023 16:57

You know what you need to do OP. Report this asap. The poor lad.

blahblahblah1654 · 13/04/2023 16:57

She's clearly hiding something. If you don't report her you'll be complicit in the neglect/abuse.

Misspacorabanne · 13/04/2023 16:58

Op you need to report this! Honestly! They won’t take him away unless good reason too!! In your situation I’d report it, you need to help your nephew! If she won’t let you take him to a doctor then you have no choice but to report! Please do the right thing, don’t leave it!!

PumpkinPie2016 · 13/04/2023 16:59

Your poor nephew 😥 he clearly needs to see a doctor. Coughing to the point of repeated vomiting is not normal when it has been going on a long time. I know you said only recently for vomiting but other symptoms for a year!

If your sister is not taking him to a doctor, please contact social services and his school- ask for the safeguarding lead.

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