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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis is neglecting her own child

410 replies

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 15:33

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

OP posts:
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5
tattygrl · 13/04/2023 16:59

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 16:53

@IForgotMyUsernameAgain coughing. To the point that he can't breath and throws up

I didn't realise the throwing up was from coughing! That can be a sign of something seriously wrong if it's been going on for a long time, in other words, if coughing to the point of throwing up isn't just an acute episode. The only time I've ever experienced coughing like that was when I had a severe chest infection. You need to act.

lanthanum · 13/04/2023 17:01

At worst, contact the school as soon as term starts. If they're still on holiday, you could contact social services.
If he's been off school or unwell at school, then hopefully she can be given the impression that it's the school that has raised concerns.

It doesn't help that it is so difficult to see a doctor at the moment. I think a lot of us have a higher-than-usual threshold for what's worth taking to the doctor, but that should never apply to taking a child.

Hopelesscynic · 13/04/2023 17:04

You seem to obliviously keep posting updates about your sister's reactions, ignoring posters messages to you. Are you going to do anything to help your nephew??

PrincessScarlett · 13/04/2023 17:04

Any normal mum would respond with "I must take my child to the doctor, you are completely right" not tell you to leave her alone and block you. This is not normal behaviour and the fact she is refusing to take her to child to the doctor (even if just to please the family if she truly believes he is fine) indicates there is something to hide.

Ellie56 · 13/04/2023 17:04

@aunty2 Ring Social Services now and on Monday report to the school as well so they are in the picture.

Your nephew needs you to help him. His parents and grandmother are a waste of space. You need to be better than them and do the right thing. You know you do. Who cares if they don't speak to you afterwards? So what? You don't need them but your nephew needs you.

Safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility.

1Strawberrycat · 13/04/2023 17:05

If you know who the G.P. is you need to write a them a letter, mark the envelope URGENT and hand it in at the surgery. Once they are aware of the situation they will take action. If your sister then refuses to take him to see the doctor they will contact Child Services.

TempNCforthis · 13/04/2023 17:07

Come on, OP, don't be negligent yourself. That poor child. Phone social services now and tell them what's going on. Don't wait until school next week.

Dappy55 · 13/04/2023 17:07

The coughing could be asthma which has gone untreated and is now making him vomit. Please report, a little boy Hakeem Hussain died because his drug addicted mother didn't look after his asthma.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 13/04/2023 17:08

Princessfuckingpeach · 13/04/2023 16:56

What where his symptoms prior?
I was hospitalised often as a child for episodes of vomting and extreme pain.
Usually after witnessing my mother almost die at the hands of my father, the anxiety was excruciating.
I was put on a morphine drip once, I don't remember, very young though.
The night before my father threw a wardrobe at my mum and the fear was so terrifying I manifested in physical pain.
I am not diagnosing this for your poor DN, but her shady behaviour makes me think she knows that something will be flagged should a professional be involved.

I experienced similar for similar reasons

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 13/04/2023 17:09

Oh and mine was excused by my mother as an eating disorder Hmm

Skybluepinky · 13/04/2023 17:11

By not reporting when u know there is an issue means u are allowing the neglect.
Get talking to her and report.

JustDudeIt · 13/04/2023 17:12

Failure to seek medical treatment for a sick child IS neglect.

You must report this to children’s social care.

PaigeMatthews · 13/04/2023 17:13

Ive know a small child’s throwing up turn out to be shaken baby syndrome. But they were much younger.

i wouldnt leave this with school as it is easter. Call social services. Or take him a&e.

Marypoppinsnsnortscoke · 13/04/2023 17:14

She's blocked you nothing too lose. Email the school safeguarding lead. And tell SS!

Princessfuckingpeach · 13/04/2023 17:14

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 13/04/2023 17:09

Oh and mine was excused by my mother as an eating disorder Hmm

I wish that never happened to you 💐

NewtonsCradle · 13/04/2023 17:14

Maybe offer to babysit your nephew to do an activity he likes.... and then take him to a&e afterwards saying you were worried he seemed unwell to you? They will do all the obvious tests at the hospital, he will be seen by a paediatrician and you can avoid trying to figure out which GP etc.

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:18

What questionable things is she doing?

f0stercarer · 13/04/2023 17:21

Safeguarding of children is everyone's responsibility. You have a duty of care to your nephew, not to your sister. If you continue to ignore the plight of this young child you are complicit and will have to take responsibility if your delay causes problems to increase. If you found a dog in the street with these symptoms you would take it to the vet. Awful that you would stand by and let your nephew suffer without doing anything. Sorry to be blunt (actually not sorry at all). He has a mother and father who seem to be neglecting his needs. His auntie seems to be doing the same.

berksandbeyond · 13/04/2023 17:22

I’d be going no contact with both your sister and your mother. I would 100% contact social services and the child’s school.

TempNCforthis · 13/04/2023 17:23

I think all three children will be seriously at risk, OP.

Regarding your nephew, is there any way he could come to stay with you for a bit?

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:23

@NewtonsCradle had I known my sister would react like this I would of just asked to babysit my dnephew which she jumps on and then take him.

Now I've exposed my intentions she won't talk to me

I messed up

OP posts:
JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:24

not a dr but could he have whooping cough?

JMSA · 13/04/2023 17:24

My God, you must want to throttle the useless bitch! That's how I feel, reading this. She is neglectful and abusive.

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:24

berksandbeyond · 13/04/2023 17:22

I’d be going no contact with both your sister and your mother. I would 100% contact social services and the child’s school.

How would going no contact help the poor child involved, who would look out for him if his parents managed to appease the ss?

JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:25

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:23

@NewtonsCradle had I known my sister would react like this I would of just asked to babysit my dnephew which she jumps on and then take him.

Now I've exposed my intentions she won't talk to me

I messed up

No. She isn't putting them first.