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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis is neglecting her own child

410 replies

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 15:33

I know neglect is a big word to use, but at this point I'm at my wits end and had enough. I will be careful on how to word this as don't want it to be outing.

I want to start off by saying I love my sister, I know she is a good person, but life hasn't been kind to her and consequently she has derailed quite abit which unfortunately impacts the kids the most negatively. I can't respect her as a mother anymore.

Dsis has 3 children and lives with their dad. They don't have a healthy relationship, that is a whole different thread.

My concern is dnephew. He has been sick for quite a while with this chronic symptoms that won't seem to go. On the outside my nephew looks and seems fine. I've constantly pointed out to dsis and family his symptom doesn't seem right and needs checking upon. He is 6. This has been ongoing for a year now until recently his symptom has got worse and means that he is constantly throwing up. Again he still looks well but the poor thing is suffering and has become normalised to being sick. Me, dparents, and my siblings have all said nephew needs to go to the drs asap. However everytime we say this dsis comes up a list of excuses.

First it was the drs can't see him on the same day

Then it was they won't want to know it's not that bad

Then it was oh well I'm working and bla bla bla.

Thing is dsis constantly makes time for herself and her unhealthy needs. Meanwhile my nephew isn't being prioritised. I can't even book the appointment for him as I have no idea what his Dr is. We are all worried he will suffocate on his own sick in the night. I'm really getting angry about dsis and her behaviour, and also their waste of space dad who can never be held responsible for anything. That child is being failed by his own parents.

What do I do? Aibu to have ago at dsis. I've had enough of being nice about it. My only worry is by confronting dsis she will distance herself and nephew from me which will mean I won't be able to know how he is or what is going on.

OP posts:
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5
JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:40

it might not be coughing...

Jellifulfruit · 13/04/2023 17:40

❤️

JingleBellez · 13/04/2023 17:41

mumsnet admin...can this be reported to the police?

randomuser2019 · 13/04/2023 17:41

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This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Unsure33 · 13/04/2023 17:41

I agree she has blocked you anyway so nothing to lose .

Exhibity · 13/04/2023 17:42

What if your sister agrees to take him to the doctor , just to get you off her back and then doesn't, how will you know?

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:42

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This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

It's crossed my mind too

dfkdfc · 13/04/2023 17:44

FFS, how bad do things have to get before you do something.

That poor, poor child , not even his own family will help him.

You need to DO something OP and get a grip

randomuser2019 · 13/04/2023 17:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:45

I know I suggested asthma and was shut down immediately. We have asthmatics in the family so not far fetched. Even if it is something so simple as an allergy or hay-fever there is medicine out there so that he doesn't have to suffer.

To those of you slating my mum stop. She isn't a bad person at all she is just scared about the implications of everything. She means we'll and is a good person who has alot on her plate at the moment. She isn't doing nothing about it, so I don't appreciate the name calling.

This is real life. Not some drama show. Calling SS should be the very last resort. We want dsis to do the right thing by her children so I am giving her this last chance. As I said before in my op she isn't a bad person, just deeply troubled.

OP posts:
uncertainalice · 13/04/2023 17:46

On the assumption that this is a genuine post, you don't have to call anyone yourself if you don't want to...just let the Safeguarding Lead at his school know that you are concerned and why, and ask them to follow it up.

They may already be aware there is an issue, in which case you're giving them more detail, or they may not know in which case they need to be aware. Either way, once they know, there are procedures they HAVE to follow, they cannot just ignore it...and no-one in your family will know it's come from you as it will be the school pushing things forward.

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:47

@randomuser2019 you can report away. I don't know how they can validate this is real though without a background check on me and my sister? I'm a long term user here. And this is very much real.

OP posts:
flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:47

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

I'm just not understanding how it's been going on for a year yet school hasn't noticed or said anything. It's like it magically doesn't happen at school.

magma32 · 13/04/2023 17:47

FFS OP you should’ve raised a safeguarding concern a long time ago. Do it now before it’s too late. Honestly I hate these threads where there are clear safeguarding concerns yet OP doesn’t want to rock the boat. I hope mumsnet can investigate this further and make contact with appropriate authorities those kids can’t rely on you to help.

Thoughtful2355 · 13/04/2023 17:48

Imagine not caring that your son could be dieing and your not doing fuck all about it.

I bet it's because she's causing it somehow. Not sure how but I reckon she is. No other possible reason to want to hide it surely.

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:48

I have my own dc but I'm here spending time on this. Do you not think there are other things I want to do with my evening

OP posts:
randomuser2019 · 13/04/2023 17:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

magma32 · 13/04/2023 17:48

There is enough shit making it to the news for us to know what to look out for and what to do. Not sit on our backsides posting on mumsnet.

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:49

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:45

I know I suggested asthma and was shut down immediately. We have asthmatics in the family so not far fetched. Even if it is something so simple as an allergy or hay-fever there is medicine out there so that he doesn't have to suffer.

To those of you slating my mum stop. She isn't a bad person at all she is just scared about the implications of everything. She means we'll and is a good person who has alot on her plate at the moment. She isn't doing nothing about it, so I don't appreciate the name calling.

This is real life. Not some drama show. Calling SS should be the very last resort. We want dsis to do the right thing by her children so I am giving her this last chance. As I said before in my op she isn't a bad person, just deeply troubled.

A year!!! I'd say phoning ss at this point is hardly a last resort. Are you playing people with this post?

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:50

@flutterbyebaby because he just has a cough and as I put in my op he LOOKS fine.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2023 17:50

The thing is @aunty2 it STARTS with a visit to the doctor.

It’s not like a neglectful parent will take the child to the doctor, get a diagnosis and suddenly start being a decent parent.

You’ll be here again in 3/6 months with the next issue.

You have to face up to the reality of the situation.

JuicyDrop · 13/04/2023 17:50

Just to add my little boy is three and regularly throws up with coughing. Sometimes it can be every night for a week and mostly when he’s asleep in bed. He has awful coughing symptoms whenever he has a cold which can be monthly if not more. He will cough every few seconds for 24 hours, worse on a night where he vomits repeatedly with the cough. I had him back and forth to the doctor for a year until they referred us to a paediatrician. He is now under a consultant and they are swaying towards asthma- he’s on lots of meds but still has these episodes. The consultant doesn’t seem to be bothered as he is not losing weight, even though it is very distressing for my little boy and us as parents.
I agree though in the case of OP’s nephew, these symptoms aren’t normal and need looking at.

Original poster
aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:50

I'm just going to leave this thread now as it's not actually contributing any help and becoming a troll hunt.

OP posts:
BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 13/04/2023 17:50

Turfwars · 13/04/2023 16:04

I'd call the police confidential helpline and deny all knowledge ever more.
And if a full SS investigation didn't come out of that I'd turn up and demand to take him to A&E myself and justify it by saying that if some of the family are demonstrating doing the right thing, that the kids might get to stay within the wider family.

An anecdote. My parents used to beat us - back when the typical punishment would be grounding or the like. Someone reported them to SS. They got the fright of their lives and had to do a parenting course. It transformed my family in the best way. I will be thankful all my life to whichever person picked up the phone to report them.

Really?

Did your parents just admit that they beat you?

flutterbyebaby · 13/04/2023 17:51

aunty2 · 13/04/2023 17:50

@flutterbyebaby because he just has a cough and as I put in my op he LOOKS fine.

Coughing till he throws up you said, that is hardly looking fine!