to think its morally poor not to provide ANY childcare whatsoever as a grandparent, if you are retired and in good health?

[uniformotxa]

I have young dc and no childcare issues aside from the horrendous cost. My parents, like many others I know, enjoy being with dc but it’s pretty much always on their terms. They would take them for a day but it wouldn’t be consistent or reliable so couldn’t make it a regular thing.

Im not sure how I feel about this and on balance I think it’s pretty morally dire. Luckily I can afford childcare and nursery but I perhaps would feel more strongly if I couldn’t. However, whilst it’s easy for me to say this now, I do think I would step up and do some childcare for my dc if they had children. I can’t imagine just letting the days roll by leisurely and not setting aside even one day a week to be a reliable help.

I know in other cultures this is standard and families pull together much more. AIBU to think there is actually a moral obligation here, to make some form of childcare contribution, however small?

Haven't read the full thread but absolutely not. They're not defacto babysitters. Mind you, at the other end of the scale I refuse to care for them as they get elderly. Take responsibility for your stuff and people.

The thing is that most grandparents are still working, and especially now that the cost of living has increased so significantly.

My parents are in good health and early 70's. My eldest DD is 18 and my parents have never babysitted once and my DD has never slept over there. In 18 years. I think it's incredibly sad. She used to experience friends sleeping over at their grandparents etc. They've always made excuses.
Now my youngest DD we've never even asked. They only live 30 mins away too. I know it's not tit for tat but I only visit around once a month. As they get older I will not be travelling there daily like they expect me to. I feel very hurt about it. In a real emergency I wouldn't even call on them. I just learnt to deal with everything myself

Blimey these " frail" grannies, my DM was 54 when DS was born she was in no way frail or unable to care for him or his sister when she came along 2 years later.

She was however still working ft so her support was limited to weekends . Once she had retired and they were at school she tended to do the inset days and a week in the long summer holidays ( aged 60 something). She is now 74 and I think she will be too old to care for DS's DC if he has any.

My DM didn't enjoy babysitting. It was rare. No sleepovers in 17 years. That's fine, we paid for childcare. I certainly wouldn't enjoy being tied to elder care. I see so many friends on antidepressants because of this burden. Unable to live their lives. I want to travel like she did whilst in my prime.
If everyone does what makes them happiest and pays for the help that they need when needed then everyone knows where they stand.
Emergencies aside of course.

I hope to provide childcare if my DS does have children one day, perhaps a day a week and babysitting some evenings. My mum is only 59 but works a lot and lives a couple of hours away. In laws live 4 hours away. Me and DH both work full time and we have a great childminder. I wouldn't expect grandparents to do loads. I know my FIL would love to if location slowed though. We wouldn't be able to provide elderly care with working full time anyway but I also don't expect much inheritance if elderly care does need to be paid for. The players who refuse to help when parents are elderly may need to accept this too.

The posters not players!